I have an 18 yr. old son who is very out of control. I married his father when I was 18 myself very bad discision. His father was very abusive to us. But I feared that if I left him he would harm me, my son and family. I know I should have left and 17 yrs later I have. But it has harmed my son in many ways.

1 He acts like a 10 yr. old in an 18 yr. old body.
2 It has damaged him mentally.
3 He doesn't know how to cope with society.

He stands up and cusses me talks to me like his father would. He acts more like my boyfriend than my son. My boyfriend now wants to be a part of us but always gets disrespected by my son. And its to the point where I'm fixing to loose the man that would be a good role model to him and my 9 yr. old.son.

I don't know what to do anymore and no matter what counselors I talk to they don't seem to be trying to help with the problem. Please if anyone has any advice it would be very much appreciated. I hold myself responsible because I kept him in this for so long. But I can't turn back time or I would do so much different.

What has the previous counselors recommended that you say doesn't help you?

He's 18 - an adult. Has he finished high school (and graduated)?
You can hold your boyfriend at arm's length while you deal with your 18 year old. He should be out of the house soon, regardless of his ability to cope. If he can cuss at you, he can be told it's time to leave, to be on his own, to make his own living and buy his own food and shelter. It sounds like you may have half-coddled him out of guilt for staying with his father instead of directing him bit by bit toward adulthood. But he still has to leave, and soon. Only then should your boyfriend move in.

To put him in drug counsling I know for a fact he doesn't need a drug treatment

He quit school against my wishes.

No one has said anything about drugs.

Did he graduate from high school? When did he quit -- how old?

What does he do all day?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What does he do all day?

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He doesn't do anything.He quit school.And sits at home

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No one has said anything about drugs.

Did he graduate from high school? When did he quit -- how old?

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WG, I think the drug counseling post was the answer to Tal's question.

To the OP, he's an adult. If he doesn't want to follow the rules you set, he can make his own rules, in his own home.

You've never been firm with this kid, you haven't put your foot down with him. It's time to teach him that he can't act like a child any more, he needs to grow up. So he either follows the rules you set down, or he leaves, on your terms.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No one has said anything about drugs.

Did he graduate from high school? When did he quit -- how old?

What does he do all day?

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He quit last yr when he was suppose to go back 2nd semester he didn't go.

So he almost finished? He'd be a junior or even a senior?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So he almost finished? He'd be a junior or even a senior?

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He would be a junior

Have you been in contact with his school? Was he ever in a special program for students with special needs or behavior problems?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you been in contact with his school? Was he ever in a special program for students with special needs or behavior problems?

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Yes,I have kept contact with his school.Hoping that he would decide to go back.And yes,he was in a special program at school.

Tell me more about this --

1 He acts like a 10 yr. old in an 18 yr. old body.
2 It has damaged him mentally.
3 He doesn't know how to cope with society.

Some intervention is indicated. Like a 30 day notice to get the hell out, get a job, or sign up for service, OR GET A GED!!

There are also classes for young adults with adjustment problems available through your home doctor to pursue, to see what his problem really is and find a solution.

Drug counselling was likely recommended because they have excellent programs for testing, and teaching life skills, and correcting bad social behavior whether it was caused by drugs or not, so don't discount this avenue of help.

Also some mental health resources from the state or county may be what you need through your local Human Resources Office.

I would give him NO CHOICE but to get help, or get out!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Tell me more about this --

1 He acts like a 10 yr. old in an 18 yr. old body.
2 It has damaged him mentally.
3 He doesn't know how to cope with society.

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He wants his way or no way.if he don't get his way he gets mad,he tries to control me and my 9 year old,he won't do what he is asked in the house,willnot clean up after himself,he blames me for everything that has gone wrong and continues to go wrong.He has no friends.He expects me to do what he tells me to do as if he is the parent.he wants to be the man of the house and control us.If something goes wrong then he wants to threaten me that he will go to his dads. Im very fearful of him going to his dads cause I know he will only be abused more.

1. How does he spend his time during 24 hours?

2. Has he ever gotten physically abusive or violent with you?

3. If you could find a counselor who could get to first base with him, what would be first base? In other words, what would be the first thing you would want to have happen?

4. Did you meet with him with the counselors, or just him alone?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

1. How does he spend his time during 24 hours?

2. Has he ever gotten physically abusive or violent with you?

3. If you could find a counselor who could get to first base with him, what would be first base? In other words, what would be the first thing you would want to have happen?

4. Did you meet with him with the counselors, or just him alone?

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He sits around watching TV mostly.Yes,there has been some physical abuse.I'd like him to get counseling for anger and find solutions on how to handle it.Yes I have been to the counselor with him

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Originally Posted by ajjohnson36

Yes,there has been some physical abuse.

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Has he hit you or pushed you or what? Police were called?

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I'd like him to get counseling for anger and find solutions on how to handle it.

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None of the counselors so far recommended an anger management class?

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Yes I have been to the counselor with him

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You two were both in the room? How did that go?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Has he hit you or pushed you or what? Police were called?

None of the counselors so far recommended an anger management class?

You two were both in the room? How did that go?

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No,I have yet to find a counselor to recommend anger manament.Yes,we were both in the room.Mostly I felt like they wanted me to shut up cause they weren't listening to me it went in one ear and out the other

He slapped me once and pushed me on another encounter.I did call the police and they told him they could take him in and he said take me I'm not scared.They was fixing to but his attitude changed a little

Would you be able to go to a counselor with him and just listen?