[ScottGem]

Yes you said he paid someone to take his tests for him. That is cheating. Not something to be proud of.

[JudyKayTee]

never said he cheated. said i found him on a dating website.

and thats exactly what i said in different words.. ?

you see your not helping.. why keep going?

What?

And please - don't even attempt to direct who will answer your questions. If you want warm hugs, talk to your friends. If you want third-party advice, post here.

All we have to go on is your own words - you cannot connect with your autistic son; you found your boyfriend on a dating site (but you don't consider that to be cheating); you are worried he's going to "leave" you for someone he meets at College; he cheated to get into College; he's a redneck (whatever that means); he's a tool (I think I know what that means); he makes you insecure.

And that's the information on which advice is doled out.

[Cat1864]

What?

And please - don't even attempt to direct who will answer your questions. If you want warm hugs, talk to your friends. If you want third-party advice, post here.

All we have to go on is your own words - you cannot connect with your autistic son; you found your boyfriend on a dating site (but you don't consider that to be cheating); you are worried he's going to "leave" you for someone he meets at College; he cheated to get into College; he's a redneck (whatever that means); he's a tool (I think I know what that means); he makes you insecure.

And that's the information on which advice is doled out.

With this post Judy summed up your entire thread. Yes, I read the whole thing and tried to see where you are coming from. What I see is someone who is in denial. Your boyfriend and your son are parts of the whole picture.

You need to look at the entire picture. Not bonding the way you wish you could with your son may cause you to be more sensitive when other relationships don't seem as stable as you wish they could be. It may also cause you to feel a bit defensive and insecure. Human nature.

Your boyfriend is looking at dating sites. It doesn't matter what the females look like. What does matter is where they are located and if he has contacted them. Frankly, I have no problem with all forms of erotica. I draw the line at sites that encourage their members to meet and interact. Very big red flag.

He didn't do the work to get into college. He actively cheated (getting someone else to take tests is cheating whether it is from laziness or ignorance of the material) to get into Davis. That speaks volumes about how much work he is willing to put into things. Not much. Do you think he will put work into your relationship when you aren't right beside him? Do you think he will rely on other people to keep you content and in the dark if he does play around? I think you may already be questioning the judgment of your friends, but then they aren't in a relationship with him.

I noticed how quickly you started defending him and his behavior. I think you need to be honest with yourself. He is rude to everyone but he doesn't like conflict. Being rude, etc. is asking for drama and conflict. He is nice to you. What does he get in return? His relationship with your son is great but your bonding with your child isn't. Is that true or what you keep telling yourself? How much interaction do they actually have?

I think you are afraid of failing or letting go. Even if it isn't a good relationship, would you try to hold on to it? Deep down do you trust him? Do you trust yourself and your own judgment?