Ask Me Help Desk - Should I Worry?

Should I Worry?

So I'm worried my boyfriend is going to college in another city and find a girl you know, on his level. Now he tells me I'm crazy, my and his friends also thinks I'm crazy.. but am I crazy!

Why I'm bugging out :(

1: he's said a few months back if he got accepted into Davis he would leave me. (Which I confronted him about, very dramatic. His argument? "I thought you knew?")
What!

Yeah and 2:

Found him on a dating website looking for a caucasian girl, I'm brazilian! And I think I'm pretty good looking so, really? You want a white girl?
Smdh.

So should I be worried about him going off to college.

Him: from Alabama so he's as redneck blue collar as they come, very obcene and up front. So if you look bad expect to hear it from him! He's 6'0 white male 210lbs very goodlooking, but quite the jerk! TOOL if I ever said so myself. Hes great to me but he's mean to everyone else. Strange because he and his mother have the most wonderful relationship. Someonw tell me I'm just out of my mind..

Worrying about it is going to accomplish what exactly?

If he's going to walk away from you then there is nothing you can do because he is away for a number of years.

Long distance relationships are difficult at best... and do often fail.

I'd worry about things you have some control over... otherwise you wreck your health over things that are beyond your control.

That's very true I'm finding myself to nit be eating or sleeping anymore. I'm just a wreck..

Is he the father of your child? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parent...on-695036.html

I see all sorts of problems in your life. Are you upset because your son is autistic (you stayed in your bedroom for three months after hearing the diagnosis) or because of the boyfriend - or something else?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Is he the father of your child? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parent...on-695036.html

I see all sorts of problems in your life. Are you upset because your son is autistic (you stayed in your bedroom for three months after hearing the diagnosis) or because of the boyfriend - or something else?

Well that changes everything...

Has absolutely nothing to do with my son.. this is a completely different topic but thank you for trying to answer.. :/

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

has absolutly nothing to do with my son.. this is a completely different topic but thank you for trying to answer.. :/

Unless this boyfriend is not the father of your son, there is no way the two issues are not connected. You cannot get help with either problem until you understand that.

When he first told you that he would be leaving, you got very upset. I suspect that if he's now saying you are crazy for thinking he'll leave you it's only because he can't stand another confrontation. Relationships almost never (I want to say never) survive college, where there are so many available romances waiting in every class, dorm room, party, sporting event... don't blame it on social status, academic status, culture, race, country origins. It's true for everyone. Many struggle to see each other for a month or two and it doesn't work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Unless this boyfriend is not the father of your son, there is no way the two issues are not connected. You cannot get help with either problem until you understand that.

He's is not. He's just been a fabulous boyfriend to me and I just feel like he can do better. Trust me he's not upset with me or anything promised me he loves me. I trust him.. so its honestly not connected. My son and I don't bond like I would have liked to.. and my boyfriend and I are extremely close. Its two different problems lol..

But again thanks for your advise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

hes is not. hes just been a fabulous boyfriend to me and i just feel like he can do better. trust me hes not upset with me or anything promised me he loves me. i trust him.. so its honestly not connected. my son and i dont bond like i would have liked to.. and my boyfriend and i are extremely close. its two different problems lol..

but again thanks for your advise.

And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

You describe him as a redneck and a tool. You think he's on line, seeking a Caucasian woman? He's going away to school and didn't tell you? Now you say you trust him and you are extremely close.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

When he first told you that he would be leaving, you got very upset. I suspect that if he's now saying you are crazy for thinking he'll leave you it's only because he can't stand another confrontation. Relationships almost never (I want to say never) survive college, where there are so many available romances waiting in every class, dorm room, party, sporting event... don't blame it on social status, academic status, culture, race, country origins. It's true for everyone. Many struggle to see each other for a month or two and it doesn't work.

I just wish you knew him. He's one of those guys that don't bring girls home.. he's just a true mamas boy and he honestly, in all honestly... shouldn't have even got accepted, he paid his friends to take his tests and do his homework.. :( I'm proud of him but I can only worry for him because this isn't going to be easy like community college.. there will be no way to cheat Davis..

I have trust but I feel just like you said..
Like he doesn't want another confrontation.. he gets super nervous and he hates fighting or arguments..

He would probably pay someone to argue with me.

I just been thinking since I wrote this..
And I truly believe if I wasn't good enough... no girl will ever be. I've been nothing but honest and in love with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

They are great! Actually when it comes to my relationship, when my son is the topic; its almost perfect.

He doesn't talk about having more kids.
He doesn't talk about the future.
He brings up how he doesn't want to live past 45.

? No my son does not make anything tougher.. me and my sons BONDING is not up to par to my expectations..

Again thanks?

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

in all honestly... shouldnt have even got accepted, he payed his friends to take his tests and do his homework.. :( im proud of him.

Makes no sense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

And how is your boyfriend with your child? Doesn't your son impact your relationship?

You describe him as a redneck and a tool. You think he's on line, seeking a Caucasian woman? He's going away to school and didn't tell you? Now you say you trust him and you are extremely close.

And as far as him being redneck and a tool.. re read I'm sure I mentioned to "other" people. He's absolutely rude to others.. he did tell me about school.. he didn't tell me that the thought of breaking up with me crossed his mind.

And we do just about everything together so yeah I trust him.. we are very close. This isn't something to find negatives in..

This is honestly a short answer question, according to this post, what I said, and not to bring up any other questions I might have asked.. should I be worried?

Like I said before, I've thought about it since I asked this question.. and I'm not worried!

Just having a think a lot moment I guess.

He's a very good boyfriend, going to be a magnificent husband and stepfather to my son and we will be very happy together.

I had my doubts but I got to say not anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Makes no sense.

sure if you cut me off like that. I'm proud of him, he got accepted into UC Davis with a 24 thousand dollar scholarship.. he's smart just lazy and yes I myself am entitled to my own opinion.. I don't believe he should have got accepted.. but since he did I am proud.

Does that make sense?

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

sure if you cut me off like that. im proud of him, he got accepted into UC Davis with a 24 thousand dollar scholarship.. hes smart just lazy and yes i myself am entitled to my own opinion.. i dont believe he should have got accepted.. but since he did i am proud.

does that make sense?

No, not really - you are proud that he cheated and got a scholarship. He is taking a spot in school that rightfully belongs to someone who didn't cheat.

I'm sure Davis will not be happy when it hears about it.

I'd be proud he got accepted; I wouldn't be proud of the circumstances.

I only posted those words because the rest of the post didn't refer to his cheating and paying people to do his homework and take his tests.

If he did cheat like you said and had people take his tests to get in... then he's not going to last in college very long. There is too much hard work to be able to cheat his way through...

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No, not really - you are proud that he cheated and got a scholarship. He is taking a spot in school that rightfully belongs to someone who didn't cheat.

I'm sure Davis will not be happy when it hears about it.

I'd be proud he got accepted; I wouldn't be proud of the circumstances.

I only posted those words because the rest of the post didn't refer to his cheating and paying people to do his homework and take his tests.

Never said he cheated. Said I found him on a dating website.

And that's exactly what I said in different words..

You see your not helping.. why keep going?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

If he did cheat like you said and had people take his tests to get in.....then he's not going to last in college very long. There is too much hard work to be able to cheat his way through....

Trust me I know. :/ and he didn't cheat.. he was found on a dating website.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apsklx

trust me i know. :/ and he didnt cheat.. he was found on a dating website.

You said he had people take his tests for him to get into college... that IS cheating by any definition of the term. You said this in post #11 that he wouldn't have gotten in otherwise.