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Homegirl 50 · Jul 22, 2012, 12:45 PM

I know we say silly things when drunk or I should say people do, I do get drunk, but there is nothing worse than a nasty drunk and to say such nasty things to s spouse even when drunk is in my opinion questionable. I do think a lot of people say. Things they really mean when they are drunk.
I was married to a neat freak and he drove me nuts. Had me uncomfortable in my own home, insecure about myself. Needless to say he is my ex. I couldn't take it any longer, and I took it for over 30 years.

ShauntaV · Jul 22, 2012, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Time to sit down with paper and pencil and make a chore list, like a couple of roommates or parents with kids, only you are both the parents and the kids.
It sounds like you do more than he does! Draw a line down the middle, yours on one side of the page, his on the other, add up the minutes and hours, hang it on the fridge, and demand a little respect.
Gotta say this, I think MEN are the ones who usually don't have a clue all that women do around the house, especially when infants are around.

Lol@chore list. I know it sounds childish but that something to think about then he can really see all the crap I do around the house. I tell him all the time that kids are a fulltime job. He doesn't believe it because he's not a fulltime dad. Don't get me wrong he does deal with the kids BUT that's because I work evenings and he has to.

ShauntaV · Jul 22, 2012, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by msdebdardx4

Do not leave your husband over this. Talk to him. The marriage vows say "for better, for worse". If this is the worst it gets, then try to work through these problems. I am not saying that what he did was okay. By no means was it okay, but marriage is no bed of roses even in the best of situations. If you can work it out, work it out. Talk to him. Tell him how much he Fhurt and disrespected you, but remember you said that you get along great except for last night. This whole cooking and cleaning situation, and events of last night sound like one of those bumps in the highway of marriage that must be navigated. So please try to work it out. Do not just let this situation fester and cause even bigger problems.

Thank you! I feel a little better. I don't want to leave him for what he said I just feel he should apologize for what he's said. I didn't deserve that. He refuses to apologize because he said he meant it. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. He has so much anger built up inside from his childhood and his family. But me not "cooking or cleaning" is something I didn't do before we got married and you still married me. Again, I clean but don't cook. Also, your right no marriage or relationship is a walk in the park and again we never argue like that so that's why I couldn't just leave him. When I said "i do" that was it I will do anything to have out marriage work. We've been through a lot together. I also believe his friend started all this bs. His friend is an and a compulsive liar.

ShauntaV · Jul 22, 2012, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I know marriage is for better or for worse but a drinking problem and insults an emotional abuse, verbal abuse is a deal breaker.
She say everything was great up until then, but she also says he has complains about her cleaning and cooking, that he has anger issues and won't do counseling, so there are problems.
I think this is just the beginning.
But she knows him I don't but he would have to apologize for what he said. Acting like nothing happened is just not acceptable.

He's told me that if I have a problem with him drinking he'll quit. I don't really have a problem with him drinking But if this is how he's going to begin to act while drinking then he's has to stop. I also can't force him to seek counseling. I married him knowing he has anger issues. He's a really good man he is. He treats me very good except for this bs he pulled last night. I do want a apology and if I don't get one things won't be the same.

Wondergirl · Jul 22, 2012, 03:32 PM

Could you and your husband maybe twice a week or on weekends plan a week's meals and cook some of them ahead and then freeze them, and maybe consider using a crockpot to cook suppers? In other words, make this a proactive, even fun, thing to do rather than let it descend into an argument and bad feelings?

ShauntaV · Jul 22, 2012, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Could you and your husband maybe twice a week or on weekends plan a week's meals and cook some of them ahead and then freeze them, and maybe consider using a crockpot to cook suppers? In other words, make this a proactive, even fun, thing to do rather than let it descend into an argument and bad feelings?

I'm sure we can. I don't have a problem with cooking it just when ido cook and you don't eat it then I don't want to anymore. But I'm going to start cooking more if that's his biggest issue. Oh and "cleaning" more. It would just stink if he gave up because of those 2things.

Wondergirl · Jul 22, 2012, 03:47 PM

Stews and pot roasts and casseroles can be made over the weekend after some planning and shopping. Side dishes would be easy enough with all the possibilities that exist now in the grocery freezer case. We will all be glad to chip in easy recipe ideas. :)

ShauntaV · Jul 22, 2012, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Stews and pot roasts and casseroles can be made over the weekend after some planning and shopping. Side dishes would be easy enough with all the possibilities that exist now in the grocery freezer case. We will all be glad to chip in easy recipe ideas. :)

Thank you sooo much for your help. If this doesn't work then he has other issues with me that he hasn't addressed. But thanks again :) I really appreciate all the responses.

smearcase · Jul 22, 2012, 03:56 PM

"He refuses to apologize because he said he meant it."

Well, so much for drunks not meaning what they say, in his case. The alcohol won't stop being a problem and will get worse unless he decides to put serious effort into stopping which for an alcoholic is a lifetime commitment usually.

Hoping for the best is not a strategy. You both need counseling and he needs help with the alcohol problem.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 22, 2012, 04:04 PM

I agree smearcase. Those are awfully nasty things to say to your spouse and then say he's not sorry.
You guys need to do counseling. He will say things as nasty as he wants now. He knows he can get away with it.

msdebdardx4 · Jul 23, 2012, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by ShauntaV

Thank you! I feel a little better. I don't want to leave him for what he said I just feel he should apologize for what he's said. I didn't deserve that. He refuses to apologize because he said he meant it. Talkin to him is like talking to a brick wall. He has so much anger built up inside from his childhood and his family. But me not "cooking or cleaning" is something I didn't do before we got married and you still married me. Again, i clean but dont cook. Also, your right no marriage or relationship is a walk in the park and again we never argue like that so that's why I couldn't just leave him. When i said "i do" that was it I will do anything to have out marriage work. We've been thru a lot together. I also believe his friend started all this bs. His friend is an and a compulsive liar.

I am glad you feel better, and I can tell by the tone of your other responses, that you feel hopeful about your situation. I do hope that your husband apologizes, and that you can work out your differences. I will leave you with a quote that I heard on the Dr. Laura Show many years ago: "Don't cut anything that you can untie." God Bless you and your husband.