[rol]

<<Last night I was ready to tell her "Goodbye".. She knows that.. She is starting to realize that I am moving on slowly slowly without her.. That I can have life without her.. That I can live without her..

>>

VERY GOOD.
Now , do not talk to her anymore.
NO CONTACT. Let her suffer, she wanted you out of her life as a boyfriend , so give her that!

[Jiser]

Seriously why are you putting yourself through even talking to her?

End the suffering and go FULL NC!

Imagine 10 years from now, will you be thinking about all of this? You will probably be in a much better place in a much happier relationship than you had with this women. I have met lots of people and they seemingly disappeared from my life for ever, I just look back with fond memories. NO time for regrets.

[ordinaryguy]

Do you think she is starting to think right now? Do you think she is starting to realize what she is doing?

She knows exactly what she's doing. You're the one who's in denial.

Last night I was ready to tell her "Goodbye"..

Apparently, you weren't.

She knows that..

She knows you're bluffing.

She is starting to realize that I am moving on slowly slowly without her.. That I can have life without her.. That I can live without her..

For your sake, I hope someday soon this is true. Right now, it isn't.

Is she thinking right now? Or she continues to play with me?

She continues to play with you. You continue allowing yourself to be played with.

I will keep this distance..

What distance? She fills every waking moment of your life. You have put zero distance between yourself and her.

this will help me to move away from her I guess..

You guess? Until you make a decision and back it up with serious resolve, nothing will change.

[TESTER2799]

She just sent me a text message:

"Just remember that I will never hate you for anything. The only person I hate is me.. for doing this to you. Take care of yourself always x x x"



I know I have to move on guys. I have to erase all my feelings first, which is the most difficult thing I ever had to do.. I still love her so much.. I have to move on!!

[Jiser]

You can't tell from a txt message but seems that she's moved on, but feels a tad guilty. I think its time you did to.

[moomin007]

Yes you do have to move on. She is still trying to emotionally blackmail you.

She's also playing the sympathy card "the only person I hate is me.. for doing this to you".

Erase her number from your phone. Ignore her texts. Don't even open them.

You can get through it.

Find something else to focus on. Join a club, gym, church, dance class (its a good way to meet new poeple)

Try to have fun

Again.Lighthouse Family | Goodbye Heartbreak lyrics

Have a look at this song. Its words are spot on!
Moomin

[valinors_sorrow]

Unless and until you tell yourself the truth, nothing will be solved here.

[TESTER2799]

No I don't think so.. She always tells me to take care of myself always (even before the break)...
I think she really thought about our text messages last night..
She does feel guilty! But I don't really know if she is moving on, or if she has second thoughts now.. It's tricky..
I know she will try to contact me tonight (she has class now).
I told you guys.. I will try to move on, enjoy my life.. find other girls.. and if she decides to come back, then I will talk to her.. I didn't say I will accept her..

I'll let you know tonight if something else happens..

[talaniman]

This is the sickest thread I have ever read. Seems like if you keep running into a brick wall at least put on a helmut. I must be sick too for reading this crap. Tester you need professional help to unstick your mind fella. Can you imagine what you look like to the average person reading all that writing. Get help, and throw away the keyboard.

[TESTER2799]

I know I need help.. I do know that..
I can't get her out of my mind because I really love her..
I have to ger her out of my system though..

She does not deserve me.. I did nothing wrong..

[talaniman]

I know i need help.. I do know that..
I can't get her out of my mind because I really love her..
I have to ger her out of my system though..

She does not deserve me.. I did nothing wrong..

Then quit letting her live rent free in your head and quit talking to her. Get a life dude, without her in it. Enough talk, where's the action??

[ordinaryguy]

I can't get her out of my mind because I really love her..

No, the reason you can't get her out of your mind is that you're addicted to a false idea of who she is and what your relationship was, and you haven't hit rock bottom yet, so you're not ready to kick your habit.

[alizeblu]

Omg! I Can't Even Finish Reading This Man! Hoe! Hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!ho e!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe! hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!ho e!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe! hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!hoe!

Ma Man! What Are You Still Doing With This Woman! Get Out Now While You Still Can Before You Get Hurt! Im Telling You!nonsense I Tell Ya! What's With These Women Nowadayz! Ridiculous! We Open Our Hearts, And They Keep Shutting Us Good Men Down!

[TESTER2799]

Ok I don't know if I did something stupid, but we talked last night about everything...

The main things she told me are the following:

1) She cannot see herself being in love with this guy, and she will never be!
2) She is not ready for commitment yet, that's why she asked for a break.
3) She told me that if she can imagine her husband and the father of her children, that would be me and only me. She is not ready yet for that stuff.
4) She doesn't care about this guy.
5) She was going to this guy all this week because she was afraid to stay home alone and think since I was not talking with her. (I told her.. that's what you were supposed to do.. THINK! She told me I was right.. and she will do it from now on).
6) Her feelings about this guy come and go very often, and she is sure she will never love him.
7) She is not committing with him, and she can always get out whenever she wants.
8) I told her if she wants to be with him, then she should tell me that and I will go away right now.. she told me no, because she doesn't really know. She is sure though that this guy is not the one for her. She is using him to have fun and enjoy this period of her life.
9) She always had a big disadvantage.. she cannot say NO. She told me that a lot of times she said no to this guy (to go to his house) and he insisted and that's why she went. Many times she wanted to go back to her house and talk to me, but she couldn't do it.. This I do not believe!!
10) She promised from now on she will stay most of the times alone to start thinking about either us, or her life and what she really wants. She didn't do it yet.. She will do it from now on.. well.. we'll see...
11) She is really confused guys.. she told me she doesn't know what she was doing..
12) I know she will see him again, because she told me she is just attracted to that guy (thats all).
13) She told me she is comparing him with me (she wasn't exact on this but she started talking about things she doesn't like about him, and how I was with her etc etc).
14) The biggest mistake I did last night was the following: I told her, either you spend a lot less time with him or I am going away. She chose to spend more time with herself and less with him, but I am not sure if I did the right thing).
15) The last thing she told me is that she will let things come their own way (ie: FATE).

I don't know if I did the right thing talking to her.. She lost her mind.. she really messed up her life. She quit studying, eating properly, eating, spending less time with her family, she started smoking heavily (she was smoking but now it's really heavy), and eating junk food all the time. This is not her! I do know her.. This is not her.. and she knows that.

I decided to try and help her to be normal again, but we will never talk about "us" again. I will not talk to her everyday or something (even if she told me that this thing is not fair because she was spending so much time with him and nothing with me).

She is afraid of commitment and that's why she wanted a break. She promised me that she is not committed with this guy, and she can walk away any time she wants. She just enjoys her life at the moment, but she will start thinking now (something she didn't do at all during the last few weeks).

She is not playing with me guys.. she is just confused. You don't know her.. I know her! I will give her a chance until Easter (in 25 days when I am going back). I already told her that if she is with this guy at that point, then there is nothing I could do about "us". If she is not with him, then I am willing to talk about things.
But I am telling you.. this is the 3rd or 4th time she told me "I don't think I will be inlove with this guy... EVER"..
Does this mean something?
Is she using him?
I know you guys are going to tell me that she is using me.. This is not true.. well maybe.. but she is confused, that's why she doesn't want me to go away right now. She doesn't know what she wants, because she didn't think about these kind of stuff yet..
She told me that she went to this guy because she was afraid to stay alone home and think.. Because I was avoiding her, and she needed someone to talk about other things to forget about the situation.. Yes she wanted to go many times (she told me that) but not always.. and when she was there she wanted to go back home and talk to me (most of the times) but I was not available..

Now I am the confused one..
I know what you guys think of me.. but she is confused.. I know that. She is not playing with anyone right now. She is honest with me now. But I don't really know what shoud I do.. be there sometimes and talk to her about other things so she can feel my presence or my existence in her life? Or let her go with him (which she does not love him, or she is in love with him.. she is just attracted to him and I am sure a lot of you are attracted to other people all the time and this thing goes away at some point (or maybe not ) ).

I don't know.. This is completely different than any other situation I've read here..

[Jiser]

She does not deserve me.. I did nothing wrong..

You got it right there.

I am on a month now since splitting. Had brief contact on myspace to see how I was, I replied I am fine, and you know what it does get easier. Ive had so many memories since we split up and there great, more than I ever did with my ex. So why can't you get happy tester?

It will take time, but one day you will have more good days than bad days and you will wonder what you ever saw in her.

[rol]

Tester, you are dealing with a very confused girl, I also dealt with a very confused man last year and you know , the best thing is to just leave them ALONE to work out THEIR confusion..
So ,leave her alone.
Start to work on yourself and heal from all this.

[TESTER2799]

Yes man, I understand what you are saying and what everyone here are saying..
But she didn't even start thinking about what she really wants yet.. she didn't even spend sometime with herself to understand her feelings.. she was messing up with her feelings.. I believe it will not be fair on her if I tell her to go to hell and move on yet, because she doesn't really know what she is doing.. and to prove this, she told me the following things:

"I feel like the bad person for talking to you (me) about this guy now.."
"I will never be inlove with this guy, because i know he is not the one for me"
"I know you are (me) the perfect husband and father of my children"
"You (me) are mature.. he is not"
"I never was clear with him that we are together, so I can get away anytime i want"

The thing that confuses me most is that she told me:
"I am not ready for commitment now.. and if i come back to you then we have to commit to each other..."

And me, the stupid guy here I responded:
"Well, the only thing I am asking you is to try again.. everything from the start. You can still go out, meet other people, have fun.. but the only rule is no sex with any other guy (or girl for me)."

What am I supposed to do? I do love her, and I know I am in love with her.. If I wasn't, I would have moved on by now.. Please understand that this is completely different than any other story posted here.. She doesn't know what to do yet because she haven't really thought about the situation..

[TESTER2799]

Yes I will leave her alone.. I mean we are only going to talk about other things (except the situation) and only for a few minutes..
We agreed, next month (in 25 days) when I go back home, we'll discuss again the situation..

I just don't want to stop talking with her completely... She doesn't want that either.. If I give up, she will go with this guy and I know she will change her mind.. she told me that if she decides she doesn't want to be with me, she knows that she will regret it in the future..

[TESTER2799]

One other thing..

This guy doesn't know that I exist in her life.. I mean he thinks that she is trying to move on right now..

[gt2016c]

Tester, I really sympathize for you, because I know what you are going through, as I went through almost the same thing over 14 months ago. The results of that experience cultivate the greatest change of my life.

First, you need to realize that what you are dealing with is love addiction and that is stronger than heroine. You are an addict and you have a problem. Don't believe me? Go back and re-read ALL of the posts to date, and look at how you have rationalized each one. Who is more likely to be correct here? Tens of unbiased people or you? Granted, this is the internet, but none of the posts seemed like they had it out for you... They just see the situation more clearly.

The fact is, more than love - You are scared to lose her. If you really loved her, you should be happy for her that she has moved on and is happy as well - as sick as that sounds. Unfortunately, that will be impossible for quite a while.

The problem is not that you really love this girl. Of course you love her after so many years, how could you not. Part of her still loves you, but it is not enough. Did you perk up at the thought that she might still love you. Well don't. The cold hard fact is that HER INTEREST in you is very LOW right now. Something happened during the relationship to bring this down for you guys. Your ego will not let you accept this, because YOUR interest is still high. You need to consciously override your ego and interest in her.

It really is simple... a girl that likes you, would never treat you this way, Period. You can rationalize all you want, but I bet you can remember a time when she really liked you and did things FOR you, not AGAINST you. Those days are over, buddy. No matter what she says to you, no matter how hard she pleads, her ACTION (and not words) always tell the true story. No ifs, ands or buts.

Put your drug (her) down and feel the pain of withdrawal. In the end you will be a stronger person. We could tell you a million times, things like "if she does this now, what's to stop her from doing it when you have 3 kids", but you will not understand this until you come out on the other side. In the meantime, brace yourself for impact, because if you *truly* do let her go, it is going to hurt for a while, but in the end... that which does not kill us, makes us stronger.