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smoothy · Mar 13, 2012, 08:33 AM

I think SHE needs to get herself tested for HIV because he didn't suddenly start this (turn gay) AFTER she got pregnant.

CravenMorhead · Mar 13, 2012, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm not sure that he isn't one of those men who won't leave - they push you until YOU leav,e and then they're the victim. He's done everything but tattoo "gay" on his forehead and there has to be a reason.

I think he doesn't want to be the one to leave the marriage (for whatever reason).

I implied it heavily, but come out and say it. She needs to be the one to leave. As quickly as possible. Might burn some bridges and might be bad for a while, but it is better than it is now.

JudyKayTee · Mar 13, 2012, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

I implied it heavily, but come out and say it. She needs to be the one to leave. As quickly as possible. Might burn some bridges and might be bad for a while, but it is better than it is now.

I DID come out and say it, many posts ago (#5) - "If you are afraid of him you need to get a restraining order and/or get away from him. He's not having sex with you (apparently) but if he does he could very well be bringing "home" any number of sexually transmitted diseases and problems. I wouldn't ask him - I would just leave before you get hurt."

I'm not suggesting that she not leave in post #20 - I'm just attempting to explain WHY he might be flaunting his sexuality.

Ukenna · Mar 13, 2012, 10:57 AM

You guys don't know my husband but you write as if you do. Yes I think he is going to claim the victim here. He is already ranting about how I go through his things and all. The problem is, I have been COMPLETELY dependent on this guy and I have nothing to my name. Of course I know there is no future with him( much as I'd want to). Still trying to get my head cleared. He may soon stop feeding me.

Thanks a lot you guys.

JudyKayTee · Mar 13, 2012, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by Ukenna

You guys don't know my husband but you write as if you do. Yes I think he is going to claim the victim here. He is already ranting about how I go through his things and all. The problem is, I have been COMPLETELY dependent on this guy and I have nothing to my name. Of course I know there is no future with him( much as I'd want to). Still trying to get my head cleared. He may soon stop feeding me.

Thanks a lot you guys.

No, we write based on what you post and our own experiences and belief systems. Post more about him, you, your relationship and perhaps we'll have other advice.

I posted he likes to think of himself as the victim. Apparently you agree with me. Or not?

It takes time to go. I know that. It's easy to say "pack and go and take the child with you" but then there's the whole, "Where do I go? What will I do?" almost panic that sets in. Yes, you have to decide what YOU want to do and then formulate a plan.

If violence is invovled I say get out - go to family, go to friends, RUN to an Attorney.

He's going to stop FEEDING you? You mean he's going to stop supporting the household?

smoothy · Mar 13, 2012, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by Ukenna

You guys don't know my husband but you write as if you do. Yes I think he is going to claim the victim here. He is already ranting about how I go through his things and all. The problem is, I have been COMPLETELY dependent on this guy and I have nothing to my name. Of course I know there is no future with him( much as I'd want to). Still trying to get my head cleared. He may soon stop feeding me.

Thanks a lot you guys.

I responded to what YOU stated... and being I'M a guy... I'm answering you as a guy, a straight guy.

Straight men NEVER frequent gay clubs or gay bars... EVER. Not occaisonally, not sometimes... NOT EVER. If by chance a straight guy wanders into a gay bar or club that wasn't obviously such from the outside... he quickly leaves upon that discovery.

Faithful spouses never go get AIDS tests... I've been married 20 years... I never HAVE to use condoms... I don't get tested because my wife doesn't fool around either. You don't get tested unless you have a reason to be tested, you don't get tested repeatedly unless you frequently perform acts with people that might be infected.

I don't have to know your husband... all I have to know is what you told us about him because none of these YOU told us are normal behaviours of a Straight Heterosexual man. I'm a straight man... I've known LOTS of straight men in my 50 years... I've even known a few bi guys and a few gay ones too.

So I can speak with a high degree of confidence in the accuracy of what I personally have told you.

If you don't run out now... you would be wise to make plans that won't leave you with nothing... and you might have rights to half of everything he has automatically... we don't know because we don't know what country you live in. Its those laws that determine what your rights are.

In much of the civilized world... you would have a right to child support from him as well as half of the assets, and alimony payments.

JudyKayTee · Mar 13, 2012, 11:48 AM

Need to spread the reputation a bit so here's a pretend "like." Well said.

This last post sounds like OP is looking for a "he's not gay" answer - and I don't think she's going to get it here.

smoothy · Mar 13, 2012, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Need to spread the reputation a bit so here's a pretend "like." Well said.

This last post sounds like OP is looking for a "he's not gay" answer - and I don't think she's going to get it here.

Clearly sounds like she is in complete denial. And she's not going to get a different answer from me... In the case of her husband... I have zero doubt he's a flaming homosexual. And in many cases of the "is he gay" questions that I have seen on this site... there were many "I'm not sure" situations and even more "I doubt it"... but nothing she presented here points to anything BUT the fact he enjoys playing hide the sausage. The only thing in question is does he pitch or catch...

And I also don't doubt this is a very difficult situation for her to come to terms with. And it might take her some time yet to do so.

slapshot_oi · Mar 13, 2012, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by Ukenna

...The problem is, I have been COMPLETELY dependent on this guy and I have nothing to my name. Of course I know there is no future with him( much as I'd want to). Still trying to get my head cleared. He may soon stop feeding me.

Thanks a lot you guys.

Well, if you never planned on leaving him because you believe you're unable, why did you want our advice in the first place? It looks like it did nothing but piss you off.

And yes, your husband is gay.

CravenMorhead · Mar 13, 2012, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I DID come out and say it, many posts ago (#5) - "If you are afraid of him you need to get a restraining order and/or get away from him.

Gah! I can't English today. I swear.

I am in perfect agreement with you. Trust me.

Ukenna · Mar 13, 2012, 12:58 PM

I am definitely not pissed by any of the responses I got here. I would bet a lot of money that he is gay. And I'm happy no one said otherwise here. Its just a crappy situation. I live in a civilised country but what with not being able to afford a lawyer. One thing for sure is I will leave. To where... I'm still trying to figure out.

Again, I appreciate all your responses and kind words. You can't begin to imagine what they mean to me.

smoothy · Mar 13, 2012, 01:05 PM

You never told us what country... if we knew... someone might be able to offer you info on what services you might be able to contact for help.

JudyKayTee · Mar 13, 2012, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Gah! I can't English today. I swear.

I am in perfect agreement with you. Trust me.

I have whole months like that - honestly, no problem. Thought it was a typo or a brain f*rt.

Ukenna · Mar 13, 2012, 03:45 PM

I am in Canada

smoothy · Mar 13, 2012, 07:16 PM

In Canada or the USA you have lots of options... he can't toss you on the street with nothing... This isn't Iran or Libya.

He will have to pay Child support, he will have to pay Alimony, you will get a chunk of everything you own together. Some Canadians can go into more specifics than I can being I am in the USA.

DEguy · Mar 18, 2012, 06:12 PM

Madam, I am a 48 year old male, previously married for eight years to a fine lady before I faced self reality. I am gay. And so is your husband. I still choose to be closeted to many, but at least I am no longer hurting someone. Based on what you have written so far, I am convinced that he is having random male sex outside of marriage. This is not only wrong but places you at great danger should you have sex with him. Quickly consult an area divorce attorney before he does, to learn your rights as a potential cheated spouse and as a mother. Please, don't be naïve.

SentientAndroid · Mar 21, 2012, 02:00 PM

If it quacks like a duck... I think you know the rest.

dashleyb · May 19, 2012, 07:04 PM

I hate to be blunt,but you need to wake up to two things; you don't get tested for HIV unless you've put your penis somewhere other than in your wife and,I don't think you have ever said you love him,but are only afraid of him. Gay clubs are usually for gay people. You need to leave,but not in anger or fear,but because your situation will never get better,only worse as time goes on. You will become bitter and resentful,no matter what you think now,and that will destroy your child and yourself. Make a life for yourself,not just an existence.

Ukenna · Jun 5, 2012, 08:04 PM

Thank you all for your responses. I am still trying to figure out what to do with my life. Things are getting clearer now. I agree with u, dashleyb. I am getting bitter and resentful. To make matters worse, he doesn't even have the courtesy to apologise. Not that it'll change anything but at least some remorse would have maybe soothed me a little.