[camrond]

Oh I didn't see the responses, thanks for your guys' feed back.

@ adviceishere
Yes, I re-read my first question haha. I do understand I am wasting plenty of energy on her and I don't know why, I'm still attached... it's been a challenge to break this habit..

What is weird... it seems Im spending more energy on the relationship after it ended than during it!? Wish I could go back to when this was not the primary concern of my life - like it was hers. (seems like for some relationships are all that matter in general)

@talaniman

Thank you, it appears then I made the correct choice to ignore her. It is about her ego, the whole damn thing. It just sucks to know that she is really that shallow, it makes me feel like I wasted so much energy on someone who is no longer worth it... that's horrible... It's like if I keep fighting it then maybe it's not true and then my energy was not wasted after all, but I guess that's actually impossible... thats denial...

Perhaps I can just rely on that... I have made the correct choice in this matter, it requires no more thinking then, let the chips fall where they may for me but I will continue on this path. I don't know why I keep needing to refresh this every damn day... would be nice to be on auto-pilot in life again...

[talaniman]

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else....its all so weird....

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new bf, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point...did she honestly expect me to just answer hey whats up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

She was just checking, curious probably. False hope has you seeing ghosts, but NC will cure that. Kudos for making the correct choice and choosing with staying with NC!!

[adviceishere]

She was just checking, curious probably. False hope has you seeing ghosts, but NC will cure that. Kudos for making the correct choice and choosing with staying with NC!!!

Yep and he didn't even see our responses so it was all done on his own LOL

[the_original]

camrond I had the same situation as you about a year ago this time. Very loving, close relationship, worked at the same place, lived together, were at eachothers side day and night. Then, like you, one day it all started going downhill and I got the whole "need to be myself blah blah blah" speech that really just meant I need to go out and do drugs and be a party girl. It hurt like hell, and she kept trying to keep me in the friend zone with random text messages now and then. I responded to them at first, but thanks to this sight, tal and lots of others, I learned the way of no contact, and it works.
each time I responded to her texts it was nothing more than a quick "hi, what are you doing" sort of thing even though I used to hope it would be more. So I got proactiv about changing my lifestyle up, got a new job, moved to a town about 20 minutes away, and in a few months it started going away slowly but surely. In the year and 2 months or so since we have been broken up I have done and tried so many new things, made great new friends, dated some really great girls (nothing long term tho) and had a great time and realized what I was missing out on by being stuck in that relationship rut. Bottom line, listen to these guys... no contact, and get out there with your friends. You will be laughing at this girl and her foolishness in weeks time.

[camrond]

Hello all,

Really could use another round of thoughts again, I know it may seem redundant but that's how these things are right? :-\

So I moved out of the old house with the room-mates today and into a studio apartment near campus to finish up my thesis.

While I was moving out I found 5 different cards from her that were stuck under a bunch of old papers. I never actually read them closely before because it was my policy that she was too damn touchy-feely for me during the relationship.

I read them today while I was moving, like a fool I couldn't resist...

I don't understand how she moved on so quickly... the stuff in these letters is ridiculously sentimental. She was borderline infatuated with me even after a year into the relationship. Now I remember clearly why I would get annoyed - she was kind of obsessed with the fairy tale love story of "us". Also, some of the papers have like notes from her written on them when she would come to visit which I never read but there was at least 10 love notes.

When I think about it it really boggles my mind. She is really that shallow? I wasn't NEARLY that sentimental and it has been about two months since we separated and I think of her everyday and miss her.

I ignored her text because of how this all turned out I will need to cut her out of my life to move on but she seems to barely care that I want to cut her out of my life.

It is truly surprising how consistently she has moved forward with eliminating a romantic connection of any kind between us all within the span of days she chose this.

I mean literally - Dec 27th she writes how she has never thought of a moment without me in her future and she hopes that one day I want to marry her and she knows I adore her... to January 1st - I want something new and we argue too much and I am not in love with you anymore... to early March - I'm ****ing another one of my "friends"!

It is really unbelievable... she wonders why we had issues with her pressuring me and now she has a ****-buddy with no strings and wonders why it is so much easier?

I think though that this whole thing was for really for her ego... she wanted to dump me for her ego honestly... I remember when she first told me she doesn't want to be my girlfriend I got tear-eyed and I actually CAUGHT HER SMILING and trying to hide it!

I think she is just the type of person who wants to jump to these honey-moon type scenarios... when I got boring she made our petty arguments the reason to leave... and when I chased after her she liked it... now she has a new boyfriend already and I can imagine she will be bored again... even sooner now because the guy is not half the man I am in brain or braun and especially in terms of his closeness with her... I think she just likes that he left his girlfriend for her and that she knows I wanted her when they hooked up... honestly she will just waste her time with him, I know this to be true.

I honestly think all of this is for her ego... it has so little to do with what is right and what will turn out best for anyone...

Well anyway... glad I moved out and got rid of all that old stuff, new place and new things in my future... but it still gives me a headache every so often... not so much of a heartache anymore at least...

[talaniman]

LOL, we fall in so fast, and its so great, but that changes when we break, and things ain't so much fun at all

Coping with your own feelings is darn hard isn't it?? Join the club.

[camrond]

Yes, coping is difficult indeed.

It's interesting though, I wouldn't say I fall in love in fast. In fact I think I'm the type who takes time to warm-up and it seems I'm the type who takes time to let it cool down too.

I guess some people are just easy in & easy out. Wish it were so simple for me... seems fun...

[camrond]

I'd just like to vent on here, I'm very very angry right now. Which is upsetting because I should be indifferent by now but I'm not. Mostly, I'm moved on and doing much better everyday about all of this.

Today, however, after talking to mutual friend I've become extremely angry at my ex. She is still dating this loser dude for the past month and seems to be happy. For some reason this makes me extremely angry lol.

She texted me a week ago again... I had ignored her text a week prior to that... this time I answered, she just said "just wanted to say hi and see how you, hope things are well"...

So I answered this one and just said yeah things are good and said like "yeah im ok just working and studying, nothing too exciting"... LIKE THAT ****ING HELPS... anyway I said "thats great, nice talking, have a good one" and she said "oh ok you too :)"...

For some reason now that I Know she is still dating this ****ing loser dude and is going forward with it I am really angry and more angry now about how she contacted me and I answered...

It just brings it all back... one minute she was madly in love with me, obsessed in fact, and now she's just ****ing this random dude with no second thought... IT ****ING ENRAGES ME SO MUCH... I want to break something very badly thinking about how unbelievably flakey she is... HOW CAN SHE BE THAT ****ING FLAKEY...

All I can conclude is that she is an immature ***** who never took our relationship seriously from the beginning, she just thought she did but in fact it was just a fairy tale honeymoon thing that she dropped the second it got old...

That's what angers me... I just feel so ****ing used... she broke into my heart, settled there and then just POOF, decided "meh..I'm bored, oh how about this loser? or no, how about this one? yeah, I'll stick with him for a bit, forget the relationship I had, its not worth dirt"

[camrond]

I was dropped like a USED ****ING TOWELL...

A USED ****ING TOWELL...

You know what is good is now I know for a FACT I will NEVER EVER EVER let her back into my life again...

The most she will get out of me ever again is my anger towards her, if that...

One minute its trust, love, commitment, and the next its wanting 'something new' and 'i don't love you like that anymore' and 'how do I know if you are what I want if you're my first love' and bam, 8 weeks after a 3 year relationship she's ****ing her friend... AFTER she tried to **** her OTHER friend and failed...

A USED ****ING TOWELL that's what I was, and like a sap I cried to have her dumb *** back... GOD DAMNIT AHHHHH

[adviceishere]

That's right, let it all out lol dude go for a run or a walk or something, seriously! You're your extremely bitter, almost to the point of no return! Start doing something productive with your life and change your phone number!

[amicon]

Then channel that anger into something constructive-go for a run,swim-something physical to get it out of your system.

And next time you get a text from miss manipulation,ignore and delete.

And stop blaming yourself for being human and showing your feelings.

Guess what?

I'm betting most of us here have done just that as well!

[talaniman]

Nice rant!! Or was that just a vent? Naw sounded like a rant, not enough bad words for a true vent!!

[camrond]

Haha, thanks. Yeah I feel better now. Yeah, its true perhaps its my attitude of the anger. It is OK to be jealous. Just saying that makes it much easier...

Maybe that's the problem... people don't want to accept or admit they are jealous or hurt. Well damnit I am. I am very jealous and hurt too. And that's OK.

Anyway, I'll go back to ignoring her. Perhaps by answering her this time she will see there is nothing to discuss, no drama and maybe she'll get the hint that there's no point in texting me. Obviously ignoring her the first time didn't get that done. However if she texts me anymore I'll have to do it that way.

Generally I have moved forward quite well. I've started my masters thesis eariler than I had planned and I'm getting in better shape than I've been in a long time - doing rock climbing with some of my buddies... its SUPER INTENSE.

Also I just moved into a new apartment last week. Overall it has been on my mind MUCH LESS but her contacting me really isn't good and also talking to mutual friends is bad too.

Guess I just have to cut those both out to finish the job heh. These things take a shot to your confidence for sure, plus I've got no girl to rebound with for some loving... no one I like anyway... although I guess that would make it not a rebound so yeah... nothing... I went out a couple dates and kissed a girl but just I don't know...

I don't think I'm in the right place to go further, I don't really like this girl honestly... it would be a rebound and it would just be like a waste... what I want is the closeness and trust I had... I think until I've truly closed the book on that in every single way I won't have the energy to even start something new... which is partially why it boggles my mind she jumped into things so quickly... she was begging to see me not a week before the break-up and saying all kinds of mushy stuff like normal... nothing was wrong but I guess somehow she is much further along the process... its probably because her confidence isn't shot like mine perhaps too...

In any case I'm trying to just take things slow, overall its been going well.

[amicon]

Leave her to her process and work on your own.

And,no you're not ready for a new relationship yet-heal first,as in heal 100%.

Don't fall into the rebound trap,they can turn really ugly-unresolved baggage etc-and are so n o t fair on the rebound!!

[camrond]

I must share this small moment of emotional triumph!

Ex officially off the pedestal. This article perfectly captures my experience. I don't know how I can forget these things but my confidence was just shot by being rejected.

Here is truth hahaha... so perfect...

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-13-signs-she-is-a-loser/

Oh by the way, I got into a prestigious summer research internship... BOOYA BABY... doctorate coming my way... I had a real good day...

[camrond]

Serious I can think of at least 3 huge experiences for each # on that list... forsaken pedestal... thats the human condition...