Okay, so here's the story...

Me and this girl were together for 3 years. We are both currently 22 yrs old. It was both of our first loves. I was her first everything (love, sex etc)

She was nearly obsessed with me. Constantly giving me gifts, writing letters, txting me 5x a day, saying I love you and begging for attention. We were a VERY close couple, kind of best friends and saw each other all the time.

6 months into the relationship I moved back to school 200 miles away and we did long distance for the rest of the relationship.

Now... 2 months ago it was my xmas break. Our relationship wasn't perfect, her constant nagging for attention was never satisfied and I am very busy with school etc. (she graduated and works at a candy store, her degree isn't very good for jobs). Over xmas she started really getting upset AND she was getting closer and closer to this guy-friend of hers (who has a girlfriend too btw).

On New Years eve she ditched me and went to a party with that guy because I told her I would be late for our date... so she just canceled...

On New Years eve she ended up getting drunk and making out with her "friend"... she told me that it was just a peck on the cheek so I didn't think too much of it but was still quite upset...

Next day, when I return to school she calls me and says she wants to break up because there's too much arguing and problems... I beg and plead and tell her I will give her more attention... she calls a couple hours later and takes me back...

Over the next two weeks she dumped me 4 times... each time I try to explain to her she is making a mistake... finally, 2 weeks after New Years she says that it is over and by that time I accept it... I emailed her a final letter that night too for closure...

I find out from mutual friend that she wanted to pursue that guy who has a girlfriend from New years... but apparently the guy ignores her and tells her he loves his girlfriend and is sorry...

That was happening while she was dumping and taking me back...

A couple weeks after we break up... we maintain low contact... she tells me she loves me and msises me but doesn't want to come back because of that... she says its not fair for me to come back just because she is lonely and settling for me... she says I deserve someone who loves me because I am a great guy... ***?? This from the girl who was obsesed with me...

Now, since we broke up she had been getting closer to that guy's best friend, call him John... basically they are friends because John is her connection to that guy from New Years... John had a girlfriend too...

HERE COMES THE TWIST... John dumps his girlfriend and ends up sleeping with my ex-gf...

Two months into the break she is already ****ing John... the ugly best friend of that other guy who ignored her...

She tells me (b/c we were in low contact) that he is nice and she didn't expect to "have feelings" for him too but he takes care of her and is always coming around effortlessly...

I tell her at this point I no longer want to have any contact with her and that I may never see her again... she says she is sad and says she wants me to be OK and cares about me but also accepts that I want nothing to do with her... (after three years of calling my 5x a day she doesn't care that I may be gone forever ***)

Now just a few facts at this point :
1) She told me she wants to break up because she wants to be single and learn to love herself and be independent (bull****)

2) she said "im keeping my guard up with John b/c I dont want to be messed with or used anymore"... (took the guy one week to **** her once he dumped his gf)

3) "I don't like drinking alcohol, I'm not that type of girl...and you know me, I won't sleep with someone unless we are in a close, loving relationship"

4) I warned her that these guys are only her friends to **** her and I warned her that her breaking up with me is not going to improve her love for herself... (I was the one always motivating her in school and hobbies.. in reality she is very emtpy and lazy...

HERE COMES THE SECOND TWIST

So now, two months after breaking up, she is ****ing that dudes best-friend (who I assume had this plan from the beginning but she probably thinks its spontaneous).

And now I hear from a mutual friend - HE IS SUCCESSFULLY CONVINCING HER TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP HAHAHAHA

Within two weeks of ****ing her she is going to basically have this guy as a **** buddy and start ****ing other dudes too... also my friend tells me she has started drinking during the week with this guy and smoking a bit of weed...

This guy has turned my ex into a slutty girl within two months... what happened to all her **** about love and respect?? She was virgin who wanted to marry me and was in a committed loving relationship for three years...

Within in exactly three months she has gone from telling me I am the love of her life and I am so perfect for her, that we should have a future together and that I am the only one... to having multiple sexual partners and drinking...

I KNEW this was going to happen... I always detected a naivety and a lack of self-esteem... she is boosting her ego by ****ing these loser dudes who live with their parents and smoke weed all day??

How can she throw me away? How can she be like this? HOW CAN SHE BE SO HYPOCRITICAL?? Will she realize she is making a mistake? Will she feel any guilt for this behavior? Our love was very deep (so I thought) and the sex was very intimate... she just wants to be banged by strangers now??

People change, some for the better, some for the worse. Either way, she's not the same girl as when you first started a relationship.

She's in the past. She's moved on, now it's time to move on with your life.

Analyzing her actions is very frustrating, so it's better not to think about her all together. I suggest you go 100% no contact, instead of low contact. Check out the no contact related threads in my signature.

You want a answer that you are not going to get and feel lost or hurt somewhat perhaps. You moved and both of you changed, She needed a "at home" boyfriend and you were not there, You should be surprised it even last that long

So you learn, and move on. And stop worrying and stop keeping track of what she is doing

What she does and why she does it is no longer your concern, because what you had is over with, and done. Sure it hurts and its always so hard to understand that feelings change, and people change, and you have no control over people, or their feelings or actions.

Only your own, and your actions need to be about leaving her alone, and doing your own thing without her.

Like you said, she is needy, insecure, and low self esteem, as well as naïve. But those are her issues to deal with, in her own way, in her own time, right or wrong.

Leave it alone, and take care of yourself.

Rather than spending hours and days trying to figure out the answers to questions that will never get answers,start moving forward with your own life.

Leave her to it,she's not your responsibility.

Thanks for your guys' thoughts. This is a great place to discuss these things, everyone here seems to be really experienced with these situations and you're all in agreement: forget about her.

I'm going to just have to do this by force lol. I am the type of person that does not get attached easily and also does not detach easily. I'm going to have to force myself to let this go because it is clear to me now I'm not going to do this very willingly...

It seems that some people are easy in and easy out. She warmed up to me and became obsessed with me very early on and now withdraws even faster. People are just different. It's true, she isn't the girl I thought she was.. maybe I was wrong about her or maybe she has changed, probably a bit of both. Without a doubt, however, she is not the one for me after all.

She's not a prize to be won... she's a person, and a very confused one. Im just going to have to force myself to focus on school again and focus on my life again, I was really good about that during the relationship, hopefully it won't be too difficult to do it without the relationship too...

I just truly cared about this person. Her lack of concern for me now hurts because I feel emotionally invested in her and I feel like her opinion of me matters because we were so close to each other. It is very hurtful to undergo these changes unwillingly... it is also very shocking/unexpected that I am being forced to.

It is difficult to not wonder... HOW can I be feeling like this and she so is feeling so differently... I was far more independent and have plenty more going on my life in the way of friends, school and hobbies... still our bond seems to hold me even after all of this damage... Conversely, she has so little going on and was so obsessed but can throw it all away so easily...

Curiosity has, and continues to get the better of me... has it just not hit her that any future we had is gone? She was waaayyyy more invested than I... and while she did a good job of warning me she has also given little indicators of leading me on like "Who knows about the future"

Has she truly accepted the ramifications of her choices? The curiosity kills me... can she really be that shallow from the beginning? I guess this question has no real answer other than to say we are just different and it doesn't matter anymore...

Yeah, that will suffice I suppose. I suppose it will just have to do.

Thanks again.

After you have healed, and built a life you enjoy, AGAIN, you will see this as a blessing in disguise.

Stick with No Contact whatsoever, and Good luck!

It doesn't matter will do very well.

Time to channel your energy into building a new life for yourself.

Dude, she ****ing texted me just now.

How can she have the gull to text me "HI :)" when she's ****ing some other dude i told her i don't want her to contact me now i have to not answer her when i truly love her in some ways that is horrible

Ignore her. That sends the correct message.

100% no contact is so that you can heal from your pains. Once you've healed completely you will approach your break up much more objectively.

It's not going to be easy to ignore her if she continues to contact you, but it takes time. Check out the no contact related threads in my signature.

As for what you do with this text. Just delete it. No good can come of it.

No contact-delete her message and block her number if you have to.

Block her e-mail,FB etc.

Keep ignoring her-forever.

Do you know how to block numbers from your phone?
Do that.

But do not answer for any reason.

That puts you back at the start .
Don't lose what progress you've made.

What if I'm dumb enough to still want her back lol... I ignored her and she hasn't said anything since the "Hi :)" text...

I mean, I think I did the right thing because she has some loser b/f but its just that I still kind of love her..

Those feelings will pass,trust me.

The one thing you need to understand is that she does have a boyfriend now, loser that he maybe, and while you kind of still have feelings for her, her feelings have changed and you have been demoted to the dreaded friend zone. You have become an option to her, when she is bored or curious, and if you allow her to, she keeps you in her life without any commitment whatsoever, for when she needs the attention to not only feed her ego, but her self esteem as well.

So while your own feelings want her attention, any way you can get it, she still has a boyfriend, and you will never heal and have your own thing to do without her because of the false hope she will change her mind.

Stay No Contact no matter what, and let those feelings pass.

Read over all of your first question and remind yourself why your doing this

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else... its all so weird...

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new boyfriend, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point... did she honestly expect me to just answer hey what's up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by camrond

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else....its all so weird....

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new bf, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point...did she honestly expect me to just answer hey whats up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

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Well done for staying strong... now move on

Yup,well done,onwards and upwards.
Stay strong.