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PhilTayz · Mar 12, 2011, 02:33 PM

Yea but I do also think that you know what I mean. If I like (really like... I would use "love" but it's too strong) a girl I will probably show her that she can trust me and then we fall in the same vicious cicle.

talaniman · Mar 12, 2011, 02:51 PM

My apologizes Phil, for using your post to run an experiment.

As to your situation, this may be a bit new to you, and experience will leave you better able to cope with those feelings that dissapointment, and rejection bring about. It will still suck, but at least you will have a coping strategy to rely on. Don't take it personaly or make it about you, it seldom is. Its mostly about there own feelings that you may never be aware of.

PhilTayz · Mar 12, 2011, 04:17 PM

Humm OK thank you... No problem :)

PhilTayz · Mar 17, 2011, 03:35 PM

Threads merged

Ok so I finally realised that what I was feeling had gone too far and I decided to start NC with a girl who used to be my best friend (and yes, I liked her). Also I now know why she ended our friendship: apparently after I had a bad day I said random things and she misunderstood them, thinking that I liked her after she said 'no' and now she thinks I just can't take a 'no' as an answer. Anyway I'm not going to do absolutely anything to solve that. Her call, her decision, now it's over.
For the ones who have read my first story here you know everything about it. The problem is that now she has a new friend who I consider my enemy since he is always insulting me. And I mean while I took ages to gain her trust he only took 2 days and now she treats him like he was special like she has never treated me... the exactly opposite.
I don't know why but I broke the NC rules today and had a final conversation with her. I asked her if she was interested in him and if she wanted to carry on with any kind of relationship.
The answer to the first question was a NO and the answer to the second one was a bit confusing. As I didn't get what she meant at first I asked again and she replied with 'see? You can't take a no as an answer' so now I don't give a damn since she'll always misunderstand what I'm saying.
When I asked her why she was treating the other so well she said 'he isn't you. And that explains everything'.
And now I got a new kind of feeling. All love and pasion are gone by now but I'm wondering what did I do not to deserve she ever treated me that way. I'm still feeling the same kind of jealously and guilt.
For real guys will this pass with time or do I have to do something else? As I see her more that 15 hours a week I know that's something I can't avoid. But I'd like to know if I can avoid this feeling.
You can ask me if she came back and said me that she wanted a friendship or something more serious what would I say. I would say NO and I'm serious. I really don't want to have anything to do with her. I've already started NC for serious this time and I'm going to stand by it until I stop seeing her (+/- 2 months from now). I know that she probably won't talk to me until she sees I just see her as a friend, but by now I see her as an enemy. I mean she doesn't even deserve to be an enemy.
But I would like to stop wondering "what does he have that I don't?" and stuff like that! Also I can't do anything if he continues insulting me because then she will think I'm fighting for her.
Any tip?

talaniman · Mar 17, 2011, 08:25 PM

Seems to me Phil, like you can certainly add your own drama to common situations. You tie together events that may not be related. Or maybe not in the way you think. Because a guy is showing you jealousy with his bad behavior doesn't mean he is your enemy, he just sees you as a rival, or competition.

A lot of this, as I see it, is you not knowing people enough to accept them for their ways, and being judgmental to a point of seeing them as beneath you any way. Like they are not good enough to interact with. Its easy to be isolated, and not understanding of others in this instant, because you have maybe deprived yourself of an important learning tool, interacting with others.

All you can see is your own view of things, and that may not be even close to the facts of the matter. Its called growing, and nothing can grow in a vacuum, not humans at least, you need the input of others, and a clear open mind, to know yourself, so you can grow through experiences.

See what I am getting at, you have to let information in, to get facts out in front of you, so you can make better decisions for your life. Especially at a time when you are learning and growing the most.