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freebird1981 · Jan 23, 2007, 04:40 AM

I am actually going through the same thing as you, kind of... I have had bad family problems for the last 5 years, I have been at the point of wanting to end things a couple of times. At the start I would bottle everything up because I didn't want to bother my partner with my problems,then one day he asked me to tell him everything, and ever since I have told him about it all.he has helped me to deal with the (ongoing) worst time in my life, I don't think your partner is the right one for you, if you love someone you don't run away from that person when they have problems,you try to hep them through it,life is hard and there will always be problems for people to get through,the right man will help you through everything and still be here at the end.

ordinaryguy · Jan 23, 2007, 05:47 AM

Originally Posted by rol

Men try to fix problems more than listen, so maybe he felt like he could not help you fix your family problems and this is why he felt he could not handle you.

This is an important difference between men and women that often causes misunderstandings. Men tend to assume that if someone tells them about a problem, they're asking for advice about how to fix it. If that's not the case, and all you really want is someone to listen and nod their head and look sympathetic and say things like "I can see why you feel that way", then be sure to tell the guy up front that you're not looking for advice and you don't expect him to fix it for you or tell you how to fix it. Better yet, find a girlfriend to talk to.

origins13 · Jan 23, 2007, 08:12 AM

Have been asking lots of questions here these days and really appreciate you all for reading and replying! You guys really helped me through the dark hours.

I received an email from my ex-bf yesterday (whom I dated for 5 years, broke up with me months ago and now has a new gf), just dropping few lines to update me his whereabouts. We haven't spoken for weeks already. I was a little surprise to hear from him and got me start thinking of him again.. sigh... Anyhow, I just replied his email in few lines, saying that I'm doing good and wish him luck on his job search. (By the way, he sounded quite formal in his email and addressed me by my first name instead of the name nick my friends including him call me. It feels a bit sour as he sounds like writing to a stranger).

I have began to accept the fact that we're over and yet a part of me still have a wishful thinking that he still misses me and would ask me back. (We chatted about a month ago and he told me that he still misses me and was confused whether he should break up with his current girlfriend now).

This afternoon I suddenly had the urge to write to him, telling him how I feel and that I still miss him a lot (which I do!). But I hesitated and am scared that this will backfires sooner or later. Reassure me that I should move on and continue no contacts with him. Really need support from you all! Thanks! :rolleyes:

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 23, 2007, 08:26 AM

I think it would be best for you to remain out of contact with him. This could just set you up for getting hurt again and debilitate the progress you have made with your healing. I know it is hard to give up hope but you really must try and eliminate these thoughts. If he were thinking of a reconciliation with you, I am certain he would make the first step and it would be best to step back (which you have done) and move on with your life. Nobody knows what the future holds but you can manage the present by doing what is right for you, and you alone.

wap · Jan 23, 2007, 09:36 AM

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.

kanicky73 · Jan 23, 2007, 09:54 AM

I would agree with everyone above. Don't send him anymore emails. When you see an email or phone message from him, just delete them. Out of sight out of mind. Whatever the reason is that he feels he needs to give you "updates" is beyond me. It sounds like he is trying to keep you haning on just in case this new girlfriend doesn't work out. What a jerk!! Go meet someone new and have fun girl! Forget about him.

Wildcat21 · Jan 23, 2007, 10:02 AM

Yes - quit contacting him He;s just looking for attention.

Woud have been best not to respond.

I'd eve nblock his e-mail if he is giving these laim updates.

boedacious · Jan 23, 2007, 10:26 AM

Well I Can Relate To That My Baby Daddy Went To Prison For 5 Years. I Moved With My Mother And Met This Younger Guy. And Fell In Love. It Was All right At First But He Was Very Abusive To Me Physical And Mental.he Had A Drinking Problemand He Was Just Stupid.we Where Together For 2 Years But We Broke Up About 2 Months Before My Ex Got Out.so Me And Him Got Back Together.and A Move Away.he Found Another Gf But We Still Talk And See Each Other When We Can. I Still Love Him Very Much

Well Maybe He Still Cares And Wanted To See How She Is Doing.I Don't See Nothing Wrong With You And Him Being Friends. My Ex Was There When My Dad Die. He Help Me . My Dad Was The First Person To Die That Was Really Close To Me.thats Maybe Way Am Connect To Him Like That. But You Will Make The Right Chose For Yourself

dudya07 · Jan 23, 2007, 12:01 PM

I know exactly how you feel, I have the same situation with my ex. And guys here told me smth I ( and I am sure you too) realized long ago, but was afraid to say it out loud.
MOVE ON!!
I guess by saying that to someone else I make sure I move on myself, but I know how terribly hard it feels. Just wanted to wish you luck, it takes guts to pull yourself together to put an end to this.
GOOD LUCK!

origins13 · Jan 23, 2007, 05:55 PM

Thanks everyone for your support! Am working hard to move though I still think of him a lot. Hopefully time will heal!

Good luck with you all too! =)

talaniman · Jan 23, 2007, 06:33 PM

After 5 years together you probably have a hole in your soul you could drive a truck through. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

Skell · Jan 23, 2007, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

After 5 years together you probably haave a hole in your soul you could drive a truck thru. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

Had to spread it Tal but great post.

Spot on!

You are further on than you think. Don't jeopordise that now by doing something you'll regret!

origins13 · Jan 24, 2007, 02:07 AM

Originally Posted by wap

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.

You're quite right, wap! It really upsets me when he's being so formal in his email. He addressed me by my first name (instead of my nick name which all my friends called me including him). After all we had been close friends for many years before we dated. I don't understand why ex does this? Are they trying to reassure us they want to keep a distance? But anyhow, this helps to kill my hopes and forces me to move on.

origins13 · Jan 25, 2007, 03:47 AM

Have posted previously. My ex broke of 5 years broke up with me and now has a new girlfriend. Was quite upset and had stopped contact for few months already. Didn't reply his emails or picked up his calls. Eventually he stopped all those. Recently he has been sending me many forward emails, which he didn't do so when we were dating. Those forwards are sent to me only and he usually adds few words or a line of commens. Perhaps I'm analyzing too much into this, but I couldn't help myself from thinking why is he doing this? Does he expect me to reply? In a way, I feel a little happy that he still thinks of me. Yet I know I have to stop myself from having any hopes and really move on.

So just venting it out here and hopefully I can continue the no contact :)

rol · Jan 25, 2007, 04:19 AM

Yes continue the no contact, those emails are a CRUMB of an attempt to get a reply out of you.

kay13 · Jan 25, 2007, 08:19 AM

I'm with rol. Stick to your guns, he's hoping to keep you on the back-burner and he's just testing the water.

wap · Jan 25, 2007, 08:40 AM

How strange to send these? Yeah, don't respond. He is looking for some kind of attention.

rol · Jan 25, 2007, 08:41 AM

Yeah a miserable crumb!!

Delete right away and don't even think about them.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 25, 2007, 08:46 AM

Seeking attention, don't give him any!

origins13 · Jan 29, 2007, 09:30 PM

Probably some of you have read my previous posts. Am now in the process of moving on from a five years relationship. My ex broke up with me and started seeing someone since few months ago. I was quite upset and cut contact with him. Since then, he had emailed me from time to time to give me update on his end, but I never replied. Then after a month of no communication, he called me last week and gave me an 'update' of him. I kept the chat short. But he called again few days later. In the conversation, he never mentioned about his girlfriend or whether he still has one but he said to me several times that he still care about me and still put me on his top priorities. I'm confused and am scared to believe his words. I tried to ignore him and yet I couldn't help myself from wondering whether he wants a reconciliation with me? Or he's simply giving me false hopes!