[joypulv]

I'm wondering about culture clash, different ideas about medicine from different backgrounds?
I'm wondering where MIL is getting the idea that your pediatrician isn't a doctor - is she a Physician's Assistant or Nurse Practitioner at a clinic, under an MD?
I'm wondering about work - I thought you left the child with her because both you and your husband are working, but then you say not?
I'm wondering about the herbal remedies you say worked - for what, coughing, and if they worked, why the Albuterol?
I'm not trying to be picky, just trying to clear the air, since this MIL does sound so heavy-handed and alarmist.
She can't 'demand' a meeting of Social Services and doctors based on what you have said just because she want it.

[Fr_Chuck]

I read where your husband told you only after you mentioned the baby that his brother called some time ago and >>>

Why did he not call you the minute this happened.

But you can go get the child anytime YOU want, does not matter what the MIL wants or thinks.

And I guess you feeling sorry for her and allowing her to keep the child is coming back to bite you now. So don't let her have the child again, you said your mother could, or you were going to hire a nanny, do those things.

[simplyanna143]

I'll make it more clear. I give birth to my baby on May 27,2010. We got a nanny just a month after I delivered baby. Since then

I'm the one taking care of her.

I just got the job October 5,2010. Since I started the job my baby is with my mother. I'm just seeing my baby on my day-off

(2consecutives) or if we will go to her after my work. We still don't have nanny. MIL, ask a favor if she can take care of our baby I

Give her a permission. Since we are still looking for a nanny and she is a grandmother too. After a week I ask my husband to

Brought back my baby its my off I can take care of baby when she came back to us I felt pity to her because of her looks. She

Look pale and thin she sneezing seems can't breath we tried to give her a herbal medicine and some juice came from fruits baby

Looks fine after several days.

I don't want to brought back baby to MIL but my husband want to I give way. When baby was returned to them she makes issue

That we're not taking care of baby. (before this happened I'm trying to tell her about the sweating on her back she's not

Listening) and she reverse the things happened to baby when she is with us. They brought the baby their doctor without our

Permission. I didn't talk to them because I wait for my day-off to come.

Nov. 6, 2010 when I took the baby from her. Sat and sun was my day-off. While we are taking baby from her and preparing all

Her things she is instructing my husband on how to take the medicine for my baby. I checked it but it was not labeled on what

Kind of medicine it is instead it's the name of the doctor and how many times to be taken. Its on 6days and I stopped the

Medicine.

Nov 8, 2011, the truth my husband and I got a fight that day because He's at work when I took my baby to my trusted doctor

Without his consent. He got mad at me when he knew that I stopped the medicine and it end up took all his things and go to

Somewhere else that I don't know. Because my husband is on his mothers side. He is loyal to his mother. I don't know what will I

Do. My salary is not enough if he's going to leave us. I didn't tell to my mother what's going on with us.

One day MIL visit my baby in my mother's house in their opinion she's trying to check if she can get our baby. In some way my

Mother said she was insulted of my MIL. I believe my mother that she was not lieng because my sister was there too listening.

She have someone with her and said to MIL just take my baby and leave even without my consent. Which my MIL didn't do. I

Think she think what will happened if she did that.

After 2 days she came back in my mothers house unfortunately I'm their sleeping with my baby. She asked me if my mother

Knows what happened to her son. I told her NO. Because this is my family. We are the one who supposed to solve our problem.

My mother learned that she is in my house that's why she didn't go in. MIL said a lot of bad things against meinside in our

House. This is the time that she said that my doctor or pedia is not a doctor but assistant.

Baby was cured after a week. In this date I'm still working. Not until my husband beg for what he'd done for us. For leaving us. I

Just stopped working after a week. Because I missed my baby so much. I am a callcenter agent. Work at night then sleep at all

Day. Again that time we don't have nanny.

I noticed baby sometimes sneeze at night and seems doesn't breath well it cause by the sweating on her back. I'm still trying to

Cure her of herbal medicines and it seems work. And it will come back if she have heavy sweating. That's why I'm always checking

On her attentively. And checking what is bed is good for her, or sometimes she need fan sometimes not. I'm trying to give baby

A healthy food because we live like that in our family. We don't have major problems in our health.

If you will ask what kind of health problem they have, it's transferrable. Her mother has a tubercolosis, my husband had an

Asthma and hepa. His brother had hepa too. The gay in their house is taking medicine too for hepa. I supposed to put away my

Baby to them because of their health issues. But I give way for my husband. And I don't want them to feel that they are not

Family for me. But I'm trying.

After that we're good. We forgot what happened to us after November. I even make her a Graham cake last christmas eve and

They liked it. She just visit baby this January and asking permission for them to take care baby.

And I'm planning to look for a job again so we could earn and put up a business.

Again baby is fine before we give to them. After 2days she brought baby to their doctor and that's the start of the chaos.

I don't what to be scandalous. I want my husband will talk to his parents so I'm going to let him to get baby. And he agreed with it. Because he is also thinking of what will happen just in case. Her mother is so talkative that she will not give you a space to talk. If the social welfare will be there it will be bias because they knew the social welfare. Even I have rights we are on their house. And now we are waiting for the 1week that they are asking for us. But they are asking that we need to talk all of us. Which is insane. She always said that she is just concerned to us. I'm also saying against her that she is too much in a way that she wants us to be a puppet. She keep on repeating that she is concerned in our baby.


But what my MIL doing to us make our family ruined. I'm happy now that my husband was enlightened that her mother is too much for us.

[simplyanna143]

My husband gave me an idea that's why social welfare brought up because she wants that she will be the one who will take care of our baby. Since my daughter is her first granddaughter.

[joypulv]

I am very sorry about asking questions that make you sound wrong. They just help see the whole picture.
One thing that strikes me is that your MIL actually thinks she is going to get 2 doctors in a room discussing your baby. That is ridiculous. They won't, yours isn't even allowed to by law without your permission or court action. She is trying to scare you and she is doing a good job. You are trying to be agreeable for your husband's sake and the sake of the marriage. Your story does make it a bit more clear.

Of course there are 2 stories here: you and your husband need to agree on how to separate yourselves from his mother. You can't fight her alone, I think. Somehow you have to be as strong as she is without being like her.
(The other story is the health of the baby. If more serious illness might be a possibility I hope you are telling YOUR doctor about the diseases she has been exposed to. But you didn't come here asking about that and we all need to let you do your job.)

[simplyanna143]

sorry too if I give bad expression. I'm just scared of what will happen.

My in-laws used to work in our local government. I think until now. They are connected. After being of what he is in our government he just got a higher position in their chapter. My FIL is a soldier. They knew social welfare is. Because their office is inside our city hall.

If all of us including the social welfare, doctors, us, them will talk. This will be bias in their part. Since they knew the social welfare personally. If this will happen? What I supposed to do? Do I really need to look for our lawyer? I don't want this to happen.. but she's trying to make it worst. And show that we are irresponsible parents to our child. And so fort.

When it comes to my husband. He is enlightened of what her mother doing to us. In my story at first he is loyal to his mother. But now he said that he is willing to give-up his mother for us. If we ( husband and I) will fight to her she doesn't have any rights at all? Right?

I'm showing this page to my husband because in some way you guys fully gives me an idea that Im the one who have a full rights for my baby. Thanks really. I really do. It give strengths to me. Thank you.. everyone's advice help me. Thanks again.

[ScottGem]

This is utterly ridiculous. You are the child's parents. You are the only ones who have any legal rights until a court rules otherwise. Take a copy of the child's birth certificate and go pick up your child. If the MIL or the uncle refuse, you call the police. Show them the birth certificate and tell then these people are preventing you from taking your child home.

Now you can't prevent your MIL from reporting you to social services. But if you are taking good care of your child you have nothing to worry about.

But stop letting your MIL interfere with YOUR parental rights when they have no right to do so. Get some backbone and stand up to her. You and your husband both!

[jenniepepsi]

Sorry if this was mentioned before. But where do you live? Where are you and your family from?


I'm confused why you never saw your baby except on your days off? Even when I was working and had a baby sitter (either with my mother or a friend) I still got my daughter back EVERY DAY after I was done at work. Did baby just live with grandma until your day off?

I'm very sorry hon. I'm not trying to be rude. I just think that there may be a major language barrier and it is making it hard for me to understand the full situation properly.

But again the bottom line is YOU make the rules. YOU are mom. YOU put your foot down and tell grandma to back off and shush her threats

[simplyanna143]

The truth is we're residing in Philippines. My family, his family and us live in one city. My parents house is just 10minutes ride away from our house. But for my MIL its 2 ride.

Yes my baby is with my mom and I just see her every day-off. I want to focus on my job since I just got it. I am a callcenter agent its hard for me that she is not with us even my husband too. But he understand since we still don't have nanny.

Our account handle US so our shift is night in here. Our account is a bit difficult to handle so I really need to learn everything and take a good a rest when I got home. Its difficult because we do handle like three department including technical support. We need to be familiarize with those things. Plus from the work it took me 1 to 2 hours to got home. Because of the traffic.. if you've been here in manila you will understand me. So I'm really exhausted and tired. Even I want to take care of my baby I can't because I'm so tired. I even sleep in the vehicle.

[jenniepepsi]

I can understand why baby would live with your mother in law if you are working that shift. You can't work that shift at night and then be able to come home and care for a child during the day.

I wouldl say for the time being, keep looking for a nanny, and find a different job. Or ask for a different shift if they have any other shifts at your job. Until then you may be stuck with either mom in law, or if your husband is working, quit your job until you can find one that would work with your schedule better and a nanny.

[J_9]

I'm going to address the health issues here.

Tuberculosis? Seriously? If so, you need to keep your baby as far away from that woman as possible IF you want your baby to live. This can be deadly for a child so young.

By hepa, do you mean Hepatitis? If so, which one? Hepa A, B, C?

Some of these can be deadly to a child as well.

Since your child has been exposed to tuberculosis, I'm wondering if she has this rather than asthma, bronchitis, or pneumonia. If that is the case, she is NOT being treated properly.

[tickle]

(The other story is the health of the baby. If more serious illness might be a possibility I hope you are telling YOUR doctor about the diseases she has been exposed to. But you didn't come here asking about that and we all need to let you do your job.)

Actually the baby is exposed to two very serious contagious diseases, and J-9 is addressing that issue. From what I have read, baby doesn't seem to be free of sickness at all. OP did mention that gay BIL has 'hepa', which could mean hepatitis.

This whole issue seem to have grown around the baby's health and MIL being concerned about it. She may have valid concerns as I see it.
Tick

[tickle]

I'm confused.


I think there must be more to this story. It is unusual for a mother in law to to have such a heavy hand in how you are managing your baby. Is there a reason?

OP states she works late and cannot manage the baby's care, therefore others are doing this, and in most cases, as I understand, the MIL is the babysitter. I don't think the OP sees much of your baby, IMO> Yes, my thoughts exactly on there being more going on here.

See post #29. Baby is in care of OP's mother and MIL most times.


Tick

[jenniepepsi]

Also keep in mind they live in the Philippines and mothers and inlaws DO have a great deal of say over the grandchildren. Not by law but by custom.