[Homegirl 50]

Thanks homegirl. I am attracted to her, but i definitely dont want a tangled mess (esp considering that the fall semester is about to begin).

However, i do enjoy her company and just being around her. Would you suggest i just cut all ties to her and leave her alone?


@ Talaniman, you always seem to give the best advice lol

Having any ties with her seems to end in heavy petting and then her pulling back. I find that t be problematic. Me, I would leave her alone.
You're getting ready to start school and if you are not hooked on her, leave it alone.
If you want to continue seeing her, do it, but don't put yourself in the positions for the petting to take place.
I can respect her for not wanting a sexual relationship, but to jump on your bones and then call halt is just stupid. Her actions are speaking louder than her words..

[blacksentra]

Hi guys. I've decided that its probably in my best interest to halt all of my efforts towards this girl. For starters, I believe that it may me be a waste of my time, and Im almost certain that I'm more invested than she is.

On Saturday afternoon I gave her a call asking if she wanted to hang out later. She says "Sure, but im going out with some friends to Dave & Busters later. But we could hang out afterwards." I tell her cool and that I would text her around 8 to check up.

So I text her at about 8:10. At maybe 9:15 she responds by saying that she would be home in about 30 minutes. I tell her cool and that I would be there around 10:30. She responds to this by texting "Can we just move this to another day? I wasnt expecting to get home so late but im also not driving. Sorry" to which I said "Sure no prob. Just let me know the next time you wanna do something." She said she would and apologizes again.

I've decided that that text will be the last time I contact her unless she initiates something with me. I'm not that upset that she canceled on me last night, considering it was kind of late. BUT I just can't shake this feeling that she's not all that interested in my company.

Regardless of how much she's all over me when we're together; It seems like I'm always the one to initiate contact and set up future dates, and I'm tired of making myself available for her to pick what's convinient for her. I have seen zero effort from her to keep things rolling. I know that I'm the one who approached her, and that society in general says that the man has to put most of the effort into the courtship phase, but this seems totally unbalanced.

So unless she magically starts initiating contact with me making me feel as if my presence in her life is wanted, that will be the last time we speak. If anything changes I'll let you guy know. Sorry for the rant lol

[Homegirl 50]

I think that would be wise.

[88sunflower]

Good choice.
Keep us updated.

[blacksentra]

OK guys,

My worst fears with this girl were true. She is preoccupied with the other guy and has stronger feelings towards him.

We had a conversation earlier today and I told her that I liked her and had true intentions with her, but that she was sending me mixed signals and acting distant. She responded by saying she does like me and she believes that I don't have ill intentions but that she still doesn't know where things a going with the other guy. She also said she enjoys my company, but that right now she just wants to be friends and doesn't want to lead me on.

I asked her if she was serious about the guy and if she eventually wanted to be with him. She said "I dont know. There are somethings about him that I like, and some things that I really dont" but she also acknowledged that no one is perfect. After hearing this I told her her to give me a call if things changed.

So, after having this conversation I was kind of bumbed out. But I also feel good because I finally feel like I know what was going on in her head and I understand that I need to keep it moving. Im just disappointed that she exibited so much loyalty to this dude when earlier she acknoledged that he wasn't the best guy. We had a prior conversation where she stated that he never really seems interested in being with her or even seeing her; and that this has been going on since May. I just feel like I would have treated her so much better, but my efforts weren't appreciated.

Oh well, better luck next time I guess. Tell me what you guys think.

[Homegirl 50]

You may have treated her better but she is not feeling you, so yes it's best you just move on. Don't waste anymore time and emotional energy on her.

[talaniman]

There is no accounting for taste or preference, and as you said, better luck next time.

Close this chapter of your life so another can open.

[blacksentra]

Ok so I was with a girl for about one and a half years. She broke up with me back back in August (arguments, petty/selfish behavior) but we continued to see each other on a frequent basis on and off for about 2 months. During this time, we were still kind of "exclusive". We didn't hang out as frequently or act like a couple (no sex, limited affection, ect) but she would get mad if I was chatty or friendly with other girls, and she didn't involve herself with other men. Even though we had this arrangement, I wanted a full blown relationship, which she never agreed to. Her reasoning was that our relationship was stressful and that combined with the other stressors in her life was too much. It tore me up inside but I went along with it because I loved her.

During this period we would still argue from time to time. After one specific argument I became disgusted with her and decided not to contact her anymore. We didn't speak for about 1.5 months, during which time I began dating other girls.

Towards the beginning of November she began reaching out to me more often acting more "interested" (asking for my time, sending sweet messages, etc). Me, feeling like I was finally coming to peace with the situation and moving on, told her "I was dating other girls", which upset her. About a week later she reached out to me again and said she misses and asked if I missed her.I told her "yes, I miss you, but we arent right for each other"... I said this because at that point I really did believe I was over her. I also was a little scared upset with her because she had the whole previous 2 months to get back together, which she didn't take advantage of. In addition, I was very infatuated with one of the girls I was dating at that time.

Its now December and I began to miss her again. I wanted to work things out, so I decided to reach out to her and tell her this. She was upset by this and said what I did was childish and that she was moving on due to her efforts a month prior not being accepted. She also said she began hanging out with another guy after I said I was seeing other girls. However, she said they're just friends and she hasn't done anything physical with him.

Now I'm in a really awkward situation. I've lost interest in the other girls I dated and I want her back. She however gives me mixed messages. She says we aren't right for each other and that she doesn't want any type of relationship (even with the other guy).

However, she says she's open to repairing our broken friendship and seeing where things go from there. She actually asked to go out tomorrow (ice skating, dinner) and pay since my money is tight.

This is so confusing. Does she just want to take things slow? On one hand, she has explicitly said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone and she's hanging out with other guys. But on the other, why would she offer a date like that? She says she still loves me but doesn't feel we're right for each other now, but she's optimistic about a future.

A little bit about her life: her grandmother is currently recovering from cancer and she's stressed about that. She claims her school work has gotten much harder. She recently has become real close to her female roommate. She takes up a lot of my exes' time and they do a lot of the things we used to do together (movies, dinner, etc.). Ive been felt like her friend was "replacing" me.

BTW: I feel so stupid for dating other girls and telling her about this. Im not even interested in the girls I dated anymore. And to make things worse, this has opened her to hanging out with other guys. She claims they're just friends (which I believe) and she said she would give me the decency of letting me know if things got serious. But it just tears me up to know that other me have access to her.