[Jake2008]

answerme_tender has said exactly the right advice here to you. You need to take steps to resolve at least the major issues you are facing, and counselling with an impartial third party is where to start.

You are dealing with too much, most of which has seemed to me, to reach a boiling point, which has been coming for three years now.

The first major problem you have is dealing with your sexuality. While you remain encapsulated in your own secret world about this, with your focus being on the intense feelings you have for your friend, you are short changing yourself. You are not free to express yourself because you are only really now coming into your own sexual identity, and struggling to come to comfortable terms with it. This is a big change in anyone's life- to realize they are gay, or bi or what have you. Your world will be different because of it. The decision to remain silent about this change in your life, and instead focus all that you are now, on one person, puts you in a very vunerable position.

If you don't seek the counselling you need, and instead someday just blurt out your feelings for your friend, and he does not reciprocate, and he does not understand, or he feels betrayed that, as a friend, you kept this important part about yourself from him, where will you be. You have put all your eggs in one basket, and they could all smash in one second.

And then you are only left dealing with yourself, which you should have done in the first place, before you did anything else.

Being gay, and being attracted to someone, is no different than being straight and being attracted to someone. The difference is, when you are not comfortable enough to even admit your preference, you are in no position to suddenly spring this on someone who had no idea, or even if they were suspicious, clearly lets you know they are not gay. You are setting yourself up to be rejected, both as a friend, and as a gay man.

You are not pepared to deal with negative disclosure without some help in doing so. There are, sadly, hurdles to overcome whe you do. People who have known you as a straight male, now have to decide whether they can accept you as a gay male, and for some, including the young man you are interested in, also has decisions to make. I doubt that he would reject you as a friend, but there is a good chance he will reject you as a lover, because he is not gay.

And while you are struggling with coming to terms with your sexual identity, a relationship right now, may not be the best idea anyway.

And again, as answerme_tender has said, counselling is a must.

If you live in a University town, check out services available within the school, that help people just like you. They are people who have been where you are now, and can be extremely helpful in helping you find you way. I don't know that you can come to terms any other way, other than with help. This is a whole new world to you.

In the meanwhile, try your best not to complicate the situation you are in now, by adding the possibility of a relationship with any male. All your emotions, including those questions you have about your own identity, are tied to this one male. You need, in my opinion, a much broader scope of understanding of yourself, before you involve another person.

[chicopanico]

Hi Thor!
I read all the comments about your "story" and I'm very curious about what happened at thid time.
Your last comment was on 05 Nov 2011, it passed 5 months, any news about your friendship?