I was not a gay.But now I have different feelings about my closest straight friend.
Hi eneryone.
In a way I'm desperate.
All my years I was straight.
My experiences were only with woman and I never liked men.Ever!
The last 3 years I met a guy who now is my best friend.I have him like a brother to me.I always care for him and I support him with every possible ways like money because I... love him.
These 3 years changed me.He changed me.Now I don't think about women and only for him but I don't like men also.Only him.
I can't explain that exactly but now it't to painful to me.I don't know what to do.I ache inside me every morning I wake up and I visualize scenarios with me and him to bed and other stuff.The truth is that he is straight.I know that.(As for me I don't know what I am.Since I liked women despise men and now I adore him).
But I want to suggest me what to do right now.Or in the future.
I'm afraid that if he finds now me feelings he will abandon me.And of course if this happens I will kill myself.So what I should do?
It hurts me that he don't know my feelings, it will hurt me if he founds the truth and go away so now it's a dead end for me.
On the other hand all this time especially the last year I tell him about stereotypes generally (not gay stereotypes particurarly) and I gave examples with straight relationships how end it or how unstable they are.
I also want to mention that I am 10 years older than him.it's 30-20.But I looked like him outside that's why we have this strong friendship up until now.Plus many many comments.
So I'm asking you what to do?
Comment on talaniman's post
Thank you.You gave me hope and of course you remind me the word friendship and that calms me a bit.
So for the other thing I will be patient until I saw something from him?Is that right?
Comment on pandead's post
I can't go out with other boys.I don't like boys.I liked girls.But now with him.Only with him I can't even think about girls.
Is there a way to find if he is totally straight?Or at the end he can accept an experience with other guy?What can I do?
Comment on answerme_tender's post
Correct.He changed me in a lot of ways.Even in the way that now I can see him as a lover.And yes you are right.Strong connection of friendship may turn this into physical lust as you say.An advice from where?
I have never done this before.
Comment on Jake2008's post
He live with his parents but he told me in 3 years for now that he wants so badly to come and live in the apartment that I rent next to mine.Does that mean anything?
Comment on talaniman's post
I never said to him that we will sleep in the same bed.But I guess we can come closer when we see a movie or play a game or something in a couch for example.I don't know.I'm afraid to do a move not knowing his true intentions.