[nosmiles]

:( hmmmm I know, something really isn't right. So I shouldn't feel so bad that he is masturbating? I just feel like how were not having sex Yankee to do with me now, like I've taken it very personal. Is it cause it's easier to masturbate? No fuss, no energy etc?

[asking]

:( hmmmm i know, something really isn't right. So I shouldn't feel so bad that he is masturbating? I just feel like how were not having sex Yankee to do with me now, like I've taken it very personal. Is it cause it's easier to masturbate? No fuss, no energy etc?

You are going to have to ask him. It seems like it's becoming more common among younger guys to not want to bother. It's "easier" to masturbate and look at pictures. I guess for some of them, satisfying an actual woman seems like too much pressure, too much work. I personally don't understand why that would be their preference and it seems like the older guys at this site are surprised by it, too.

But, as I said, that's just my impression about some men. Really, only he can tell you what's going on with him.

If you two are otherwise getting along well, it's not normal for him to not be interested. It sounds really frustrating. But don't blame yourself. Tell him you want to talk and make a date to talk. Leave a couple of hours and be prepared to hear some things you don't want to hear. REally listen to him before you react. He won't open up unless he feels like you are least willing to hear how he feels. Maybe it's a problem you can sort out together. OR maybe not. But you might as well know. Hope you get some answers.

[talaniman]

Your threads were merged here, as they are really about the same thing.

My dear, there is no way for anyone to no how much another person masturbates. Just no way. You have only his word, and unless he tells you, you will never know, just assume. That you live with your parents is another important fact, because even though you spend a lot of time at his house, NO WAY are you with him all the time to see what he does when your not there, as MOST guys seek the privacy of a bathroom to do what they do.

Another thing is not having privacy yourselves for what you physically want to do, and the fear of being disturbed, caught, or interrupted is a definite turn off for most guys (and girls, but that's what cheap motels are for).

I had a suspicion there was more to this story, and you are greatly distracted by your own needs and have not taken the steps to build a comfortable level of communications with your partner. Of course he is not telling you everything about himself for fear(?) of maybe you won't understand, or like any young guy, embarrassed to open up, again for fear of your reaction.

This isn't about doing the wild thing enough for one, or both of you, but in learning, and being comfortable enough to talk, listen, and accept each other. You are entirely missing the root cause of your concerns. You don't know enough about him because your to wound up in your own personal needs. This isn't about you or whether he is attracted to you, or wants you. Far from it, its about him opening up to you, and being honest about himself.

If you want to grow in this relationship, stop making it about you and tour insecurities, and focus on being comfortable enough to talk freely about each other, and the things you have learned about each other.

You just learned your boyfriend jacks off to images he gets on his phone, and fight about it. That's not a good sign, and you blew a good opportunity to talk about it calmly, and in depth. Ya think he is willing to talk to you more, or less now? Maybe lie to get you off his back? Think about it.

Just so you know, it's a lot easier for a guy to pleasure himself, than have to worry about you pleasuring him, and he pleasuring you. A lot easier as an image, and his own hand is all he needs. Plus when its over in a few minutes, he doesn't have a frustrated female on his hands, no pun intended.

You have much to learn, so open your mind and learn.

[nosmiles]

Wow, that all did make sense to me. I reallydo want to make this work. I honestly did try to stay calm about the whole thing and ask him what he was doing in the bathroom, but weather or not I was nice or not, he wouldn't have told me. We never have communicated throughout our relationship. However, I want to try and change that. Um always up for talking and working things out, but the way he has been brought up they always ignore stuff and pretend it never happened the next day which always got to me. Lately I've been accepting of that and just ignore the issue to and the next morning act like everything is fine and don't mention what happened the day before. However, I have yelled at him before about stuff and reacted poorly which he probably thinks that's the only reaction I'll have with everything. So how can I now turn this totally around and make him feel as though he can talk to me, or even thy I won't react badly and he can open up to me? I don't think he will, but I want him to at least start knowing that I won't react badly that I am here to listen to good and bad and we can talk things through. I may have a break through... Who knows!!

[talaniman]

Stop pushing, be patient, and pay attention, be a good listener.

[Intuitive]

ME TOO! I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION!

You have just described the situation I am in. Expect I think my boyfriend loss of libido is due to smoking cannabis/weed along with financial problems and unemployment - combine those three factors and he has no got such low self esteem doesn't have any confidence left and even if he did - the smoking cannabis takes away his sex drive. I used to think it was me - I am not sexy enough, Is it because of the lingerie I wear - even to the point of questioning my own body parts and look of them!

I feel like a selfish crazy person - I am always horny and desperate for sex, but everyone time I try he's 'not in the mood' and its too much effort. Garaunteed its amazing when we do but what - once every 3 months!!
I just can't handle it anymore. The first step and the only one that is going to help is getting him to the doctors for an appointment or getting your boyf to open up.

I only found out the reason why because I never listened properly. In a way there is a point where you have to stop and think OK stop thinking about yourself and instead what is the root of the problem? I know because all year I have been getting stressed with him for it and other things and then when he won't have sex with me I get in a strop or cry! (not always in front of him!) But it wasn't until last month he told me I never actually listen to him and he feels like he can't talk to me. Pretty shameful after 5 years together. So getting to the bottom of his issues and helping him is the only thing that is going to work if your serious about spending th rest of your life with him. You will have to be patient... and myabe invest in a vibrator!

Hope my woffle has helped! Communication is the key. X

[CravenMorhead]

Please post this as a separate thread so that we can give you advice for you and not thread jack this person.