[pitufita]

I know, thanks again for the support

[Homegirl 50]

You're welcome

[talaniman]

I think he liked it better without the marriage thing, and wants you to drop the marriage idea, and go back to the way it was.

He wants free milk, without buying the cow. That's why you stick to NC, and heal yourself and don't play any stupid mind games with him. Then at least you can heal, even if he never does.

[ispyspeed]

Sounds to me your fiancée does sound very charming and nice and all that. Just bear in mind and be extremely careful. I find that there is a lot of inconsistency in the man you claim you are in love with. I'm going to say the relationship you are having now is not healthy and toxic. A man who truly cares would not go around professing his love for another new woman when he was suppose to marry a girl he "just" left. I really advice you go completely NC and heal yourself. After the turmoil and heavy emotions sinks in, you will be able to think things through rationally.

Ps: Want to know if you really are in a toxic relationship? Add me friends in YouTube and watch my videos.

[pitufita]

Well, of course he is being inconsistent, that's why I am in asking complete strangers to help me understand the inconsistencies :-). We are no longer in a relationship obviously, because I already realized it BECAME toic and unhealthy. I used caps because it used to be a good relationship, and a healthy one. Unfortunately, my ex couldn't handle the pressure we were into and he had a breakdown he unfortunately hasn't been able to come out from.
I know what I am talking about because I am a mental health professional. He obviously wasn't a perfect person, neither was I, but this wasn't a relationship where there was mental or physical abuse or things of the sort. This was a relationship where there were mistakes from both sides.
As I said, he had a breakdown, I can't help him with that because I am too involved and hurt. That's why I am retreating.


talaniman: He was the one pushing for the marriage in the first place!! I wanted to wait a while. Then I got into it and became excited about it. Big mistake.

[Homegirl 50]

This man is still a child. He doesn't know what or who he wants.
Don't stress yourself girl. You will get through this and hopefully he will grow up.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

My feeling is that he's baiting you. He wants for you to break and tell him how much you still love him and want to be with him... yada yada yada... So that he can feel better about himself... Not necessarily because he feels the same about you.

From a guy's perspective, that's what I think is going on. Plain and simple, he's playing games. That doesn't make him the devil or anything. It just makes the whole situation that much more unfair to you.

[pitufita]

As I was advised, I am posting an update about what has happened with this relationship.
Little after that situation (days actually), I decided to end this, so went into radio silence. He would occasionally try to reach me, but I wouldn't respond, trying to make the most of my alone time so I could heal. The occasional reaching became more and more consistent and after about a month (little less maybe) I agreed to speak with him. We had a heart to heart, he explained to me that he wasn't in a very good place, that he was at the time intrested in that person, but it wasn't a real relationship considering they never actually met. I asked him why did he say he loved her then and he said he didn't know why, that it was an impulse he had that particular day and that's why he erased it two days later.
We are not back together, but he asked me to give him another chance, but this time taking it slowly, reconnecting and not rushing things. I told him that I was willing to do so, but made clear that I didn't want to go back to what we had before.
That was about 3 weeks ago. We are reconnecting, but I feel more relaxed about it. We have off days and good days, but I don't take it personally anymore. I think the time I spent on my own helped me become more independent and self-aware. Will it work out or not? I don't know. I actually thought we were never going to speak again, yet here I am.
He has done progress too, though more slowly. He makes me participate more in his life, he has been more open to listen to what I have to say, he seems to be more in control of his anger (though he acts out sometimes) and I've managed to get my emotions out of the way when he has off days. I've also learnt that the less I make a big deal out of the acting outs, the less frequent they become.
This however, doesn't mean we are getting back together, but he means too much for me to not give it a try, now from a different point of view.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nt-473096.html

For the rest of the story.