[abc321]

I blocked her from Facebook so neither of us can check on each other. Will this move come across as childish and immature?

[amicon]

It's a good move-nothing childish about it at all-pure selfprotection and selfrespect.

No contact whatsoever is what you should be doing.

[emopunk7]

I understand exactly how you feel. Heck I still feel that way... I thought I was 100 percent over my ex and now I saw her with a new guy and it hurt. I am trying hard to get over this little rough patch right now. You have all the thoughts and over analyze like I do. There's so much history and famaily involved and great memories. And lots of great memories. This makes it that much more difficult for us. You must let it out and cry and tell yourself that it is okay to be sad. Experience the pain. You will be okay.

[the_original]

i blocked her from facebook so neither of us can check on each other. will this move come across as childish and immature?

That was one of the best moves you made. Checking her Facebook status will only hurt you as you will analyze every little detail and look for meaning in things when there probably is none. Also... its a good way to get your heart broken if you see something you don't like(picture, comments from other guys)... it makes it much much worse

God I hate Facebook

[abc321]

I read you post emopunk. At least she waited 3 months for you. Mine was on a date the very next day after spending everyday for three years with me. And she's been with him every night since the first date. It cuts worse than a knife. You wonder why you are left to deal with the pain all alone while she has found happiness immediately. How is it humanly possible to forget someone so fast? Whether she was dealing with the breakup in her head prior to it actually happening or not. How little respect can she possibly have for me and my feelings to do this so soon? It's so unfair.

[emopunk7]

Yes, it is unfair and what sucks is that we will never know how they do that. They love us and are happy one second spending time with us and all, and the next they break up and seem to be happy immediately. It's insane. I can totally relate to you. I just found out aboutthem recently so I think we are on the same page. I think I would be better if I knew she wasn't dating anyone for some reason. Have you seen them together? I saw pictures and she looked so pretty and that hurt the most. It's like the only way I can be happy is if I find someone prettier than her. It's crazy. I hate feeling this way.

[abc321]

Sorry guys, last few days have been a real struggle. I know all the advice I should be following but have an undying urge to see her and talk to her. She is still spending her nights with him. For two straight weeks now she has been. I can't help having this desire to know if she really is over me and has no feelings of love for me anymore. I had my heart broken once before this, over 10 years ago. Every relationship since I've always had the upper hand and was the one to end it. With her, it was always shifting, although I at least felt I had the upper hand for most of it. The night I text begged and cried on her voicemail haunts me to this day. Like I said before, I could see what I was sinking to, knew it was the biggest no-no in the book, but my fear completely took possession of my conscience mind. Was that theain reason she was able to forget about me and move on so fast? Or is she moving on so fast because she needs someone to get her through what was the end of something she too thought would last forever? Or does she really not have any love or respect for my feelings at all anymore? I would never start living with another girl days after leaving her. Even if I knew the breakup was for good. How can she be so numb to me to realize the disolving of us is hard enough but to add her being with someone right away makes it infinitely worse? I'm sorry, like I said, I'm having a super hard time with questioning her current feelings. I really could use help on all these questions. Some days are better than others, but the past few have been god awful.

[amicon]

I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of days,but that's part of the rollercoaster ride when you're healing from a breakup.

You need to get yourself into a frame of mind where you stop asking all these questions,her actions alone should tell you that she is living a different life now and,sadly,you are not in her thoughts.

Stick to no contact and keep busy.

Grin and bear it and fake it till you make it.

[the_original]

Sorry guys, last few days have been a real struggle. I know all the advice I should be following but have an undying urge to see her and talk to her. She is still spending her nights with him. For two straight weeks now she has been. I can't help having this desire to know if she really is over me and has no feelings of love for me anymore. I had my heart broken once before this, over 10 years ago. Every relationship since I've always had the upper hand and was the one to end it. With her, it was always shifting, although I at least felt I had the upper hand for most of it. The night I text begged and cried on her voicemail haunts me to this day. Like I said before, I could see what I was sinking to, knew it was the biggest no-no in the book, but my fear completely took possession of my conscience mind. Was that theain reason she was able to forget about me and move on so fast? Or is she moving on so fast because she needs someone to get her thru what was the end of something she too thought would last forever? Or does she really not have any love or respect for my feelings at all anymore? I would never start living with another girl days after leaving her. Even if I knew the breakup was for good. How can she be so numb to me to realize the disolving of us is hard enough but to add her being with someone right away makes it infinitely worse? I'm sorry, like I said, I'm having a super hard time with questioning her current feelings. I really could use help on all these questions. Some days are better than others, but the past few have been god awful.

Honestly man... what she feels or how she deals with it at this point is irrelevant and not your concern. Your searching for answers that you will not get an honest answer to at this point in time, even if she decided to ever call or text you back. No contact is tough, especially during the first few days (I know believe me, I'm only on day 3 myself) but you have to stay strong and stick to it. Nothing positive can come out of talking to her... and the question I pose to you is: why do you even want to talk to her? You should be pi**ed right off man. After 3 years that's the kind of respect you get shown? She just hops on to another guy? Sounds like this girl did you a favour man you deserve a lot better than that.

[abc321]

I need to know because I deserve to know. I have to know. I need to look her in the eyes and have her tell me exactly where her head is. She's going on 28 years old, which is still young, but not like a 19 year old kid that is still going through constant changes. Even when we fought she showed me so much love and emotion. It doesn't make sense that she could just suddenly turn so cold and emotionless towards me after one bad mistake that I made. I can't handle that the person I spent almost every night with can suddenly be a different person and feel nothing for me literally instantly. Right up until the day of our fight she was looking me in the eyes telling me how much she loves and needs me. I know if I see her face to face she can't lie about what she feels. And whether she tells me she is using this other guy to get over me or she truly has no love left for me at least I'll know the truth. If it's the latter, the pain can't get worse than it is now. I need and deserve closure.

[talaniman]

And if she doesn't comply?

[abc321]

Comply as in see me? She's already expecting me to contact her about picking up my television.

[Ash123]

I've read your post.

Leave her alone.

She is not good for you and you are not good for her.

NOT a match.

Ask her anything you want but marriage is not in the cards.
Only heartache. Get a calendar and log 90 days of NC, then come back here with mental report to go further if needed.

Hang in there buddy!

Ash

[talaniman]

Comply as in see me? She's already expecting me to contact her about picking up my television.

Doesn't sound like she is coming back to you. Maybe she tells you eye to eye that its over, but her actions already say that.

[abc321]

Well my mental report right now is a big fat F. I was optimistic last week. Then I closed on my house. As I work on it all I can think of is spending my nights alone there when our plans were live there together. All the while she's in someone else's bed. I have contacted her 3 times since the breakup 2 weeks ago. The first was an email after week one letting her know how hurt and betrayed I felt that I had to find out from others that she had been seeing someone else after telling me she needed space to think. The second time was a phone call after she replied to that email saying she was afraid to contact me. On that call I laid into her and lost my cool before hanging up on her. The last time was the day after when I instant messaged her saying I don't want you to think I hate you, I never could. But other than that she has only contacted me once. It was a reply to a message my brother sent her about him picking up my TV. She said - your bro sent me a message about your TV, you can pick it up whenever you want just let me know. I simply replied - OK. After 3 years of being there to love her and helpher through any problem she ever had I feel I deserve face to face closure. She would have just left me wondering what had happened had I not found out from another source. She owes me ten minutes of her time so I can see her say the things she feels so I can move on. Not talking to her is only creating scenarios in my head that may or may not be true and is holding me back. So again, is it OK for me to pick up my TV and have her give me the closure I seek?

[amicon]

Seeing her in person and asking for closure is your decision,has it occurred to you that she may not even want to discuss your relationship,nor give you any explanations?

Closure isn't something somebody else gives you, its what you find within yourself when you accept the facts,however hard and hurtful,and start moving on,allowing yourself to heal.

[talaniman]

So again, is it OK for me to pick up my TV and have her give me the closure I seek?

Get you TV and see what she does say. Not avoiding the question of closure, but acceptance of the situation is closure, as anything she says, you will either believe it, or question it, and that leads to even more confusion, and less closure.

Seldom can a person explain why feelings change, but its always a good bet that she has known it for a while and when she got the courage to act on it, she did.

Its seldom one thing but a series of events, and actions that made her tired of the whole thing, and your break up text just enforced it.

Hey, all the signs where there to see, so its not like it's a surprise that things ended the way they did.

I seriously doubt that she can give you the closure that you seek. Its been my experience that's something you get for yourself, as you cope with the shock, and feelings that a failed relationship brings, but that's just me.

[Imabadman]

Buddy I know you're hurt and you'll hurt for awhile but you need to suck it up and walk away. You don't need closure, you have it. She's with someone else. This new guy she's with... spending every night with... well they're not making cookies. Listen you don't want any more information from her it'll only cause you more pain.

[abc321]

I know that the fact she's with someone else sucks. Believe me, that she not only is with someone but sooooo soon after we broke is where most of my pain is coming from. And I hear from others that the sign she rebounded so quickly is a sign that she was so hurt and shocked that we didn't make it that she latched onto the first available guy to avoid the feelings a breakup brings. If that is the case then I feel I might stop wondering about her actions post breakup. Because those thoughts are getting in the way of me dealing with the fact that we are done.

[Imabadman]

You're trying to read into the situation and neither you nor do the others posters have any clue as to what her emotional state or actions are about.

You have been advised wisely though... walk away, have no further contact. Just be strong for yourself and move on. Try to think clearly for a moment... would you really want to go back to someone who so easily discarded you for another?