[Larken85]

That's weird... I want to do that myself. I wish I could get off via bj but it just doesn't happen for me. Oh well...

I don't know, maybe its because the mixture of feelings is confusing to his body.. And man this guy is totally backwards... the more you do it in a row the quicker it happens... I just don't get it, its usually the more you do it the longer each one takes... I am totally lost here Carol... sorry

[Catsmine]

i thought maybe it might be a diet thing cause he drinks a LOT of pop/energy drinks (rockstars) and stuff

I think you're correct in this. While some studies have shown the opposite effects with smaller dosages, the mega doses of caffeine and related stimulants in "energy drinks" tend to cause the peripheral blood vessels to tighten up, preventing the distension necessary to sustain erection.

He will go through withdrawal when he starts cutting back, but he needs to if he's to sustain a healthy sex life.

[Caroljj90]

Well I emailed him info on symptoms of diabetes and stuff and he has decided to go see the doctor and get some blood work done he also agrees that the sugary drinks my also have something to do with our little problem so he is going to cut back.. I feel kind of bad for him though I know how hard it is to try and be healthy and eat healthy when junk food is so convenient. I have to work on eating better and getting exercise too.*sniffle*

[kp2171]

As mentioned and talked about, a part of living healthy (and that includes a healthy sex life) is... uh... healthy living...

Maybe the dumbest thing I've written all month.

Point is the lack of exercise is what strikes me. Personally, I see a big difference in drive and performance depending on whether I'm regularly exercising... and studies have shown this to be often effective in men who are capable of having quality orgasms, but struggling with ED and libido.

How is his sleep? Not just is he getting the hours, but is it quality sleep? Feels rested?

So...

You think he is anxious about performance. Fine. During any of these sessions have you given him the "green light" to just focus on himself? To not worry about you? Or maybe take care of you first with oral or manual stim or additional stim while you manually self help? I guess I'm wondering if he's putting up a big mental block to hold back while you get there and then he's having a hard time tearing that down...

Also, there's commonly a lot of talk about foreplay as needed for the woman to be able to mentally release and be in the moment. I do agree that its good to take the time to prime the mind. I do believe many of the things considered foreplay should be held back for sex... foreplay can be much simpler and directed while saving some great sensations to push a lover over a plateau. And I believe a man can also have a need for real foreplay and this often gets ignored.

For ex... I've inadvertently "trained myself" to be aroused by sensual touch and performing oral on a woman. Now... this might seem like a "duh... why wouldnt you be aroused" statement, but its not that simple. Directed, purposeful touch can sometimes take focus and concentration, which can prevent a person from really just being in the moment.

But these were things that I found consistently "worked" to either get a lover to orgasm or sensitized for good sex. Over time, that massage became something I almost needed to do... it was a part of the rhythm... skin on skin sensitization through my hands became a lot more than a foreplay "check item" for her... I found when I didn't take or have time for 20 minutes of hands on skin, I wasn't as mentally in the moment. There might be something "missing"... doesn't mean spontaneity was lost, but I certainly did notice a difference in mental state.

So... what mentally drives him? The "get into their mind before you get into their pants" line works in both directions. This does not mean you aren't in his head. It doesn't mean there's anything missing or wrong. But it does respect the fact that sometimes we lose a little of the sensual tension with familiarity.

You mention a lack of "noise" during sex. Is this just how you naturally respond or is there an issue with privacy?

[Caroljj90]

He doesn't sleep well on average but he sleeps worse at my house not sure why probably because I have to play tug-o-war with him cause he's a blanket hog and that wakes him up sometimes. I always give him the green light to concentrate only on himself but he never listens always worried about me and I've told him if it hurts or bugs me ill let him know.. I actually got a little annoyed at him once for worrying about me too much and not doing it for himself. And yes we have tried taking care of me before hand he still worried more about me then himself. We do foreplay but its mainly about him.. I do all the things he likes to get him aroused and don't really bother too much with myself.. I do the touching and kissing and even oral on him before hand, no he doesn't do oral on me I won't let him its not cause its taboo or anything I'm just uneasy about it and not sure I want him to do it. I think my not really letting him go below the waist even with his hands thing doesn't help but he complained once about stubble and ever since I've been uncomfortable about him being around there. As for noise its just how I naturally respond even trying to make noise makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward. I also think he talks too much during sex it really bugs me.