[jadedrsx]

I'm not being judgmental at all. Your posts indicate that you believe pulling out and withdrawing are forms of birth control. They are not.

I always wear a condom along with withdrawing. I was trying to say I practice both every time we have sex and I do not believe withdrawing only is birth control.

[Enigma1999]

Hello Jadedrsx,

The only way to find out is to have her take a pregnancy test. We can't tell you if she is or isn't.

[jadedrsx]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and recently she got angry with me. This was about a week ago. To this day I have not figured out why she was angry with me because she goes into the silent mode. She will be cold to me and barely speak, you know the type.

So I try to get her to speak to me about it by asking what's wrong? Are you mad with me? She would say no, and no I'm not mad. So I learned that I usually need to ask more than once so I texted her when I dropped her off at home and said "if you have something bothering you, you should share with me so we can work it out" She texted me back saying I was being needy and that wasn't her type.

Ok so I had no idea she felt that way or that I was acting that way but I got the point and I left her alone, only problem was we had planned a weekend trip out of town and this happened 2 nights before the trip.

So she acts like nothing happened but still cold to me until we go on the trip we were with her family. Things were getting better until we got lost on the drive out of town and she was giving me directions while I drove and she told me to turn left, but I couldn't get over into the left lane and make the turn and she said in a negative tone, "what are you doing why aren't you doing what I told you" I just told her sorry and I will just turn around, I didn't listen well trying to drive and listen at the same time.

So I was pretty upset she got so offensive about it and when we got back to the hotel I let her know that "I am sorry I didn't listen well and I miss your directions but please you dont have to get so upset and talk to me that way."

She got defensive and said I didn't talk to you in a bad way, I as frustrated that we were lost not at you. I just said well then you don't need to use such a negative tone and say it like that, you could say oh that was the turn, make a u-turn and turn there, not why are you not listening. She just kept being defensive and didn't think she did anything bad, that she wasn't mean to me. At that time her mom walked into the room so we couldn't finish our talk but I didn't know what to say anymore anyway so I went to sleep.

Next day she apologizes for last night and to not let it ruin my trip so we had a good time the next day but during the trip back I do not know what happened since she drove and I was asleep but when I woke up she seem upset again and acting cold to me again and when I woke up we were home so I leave and she just said bye.

So I don't know what is going on, I wish I did cause I want to try to save this relationship, but how do I not come across needy or if I am even being needy? How do you get a silent person to open up without them getting annoyed at you for trying to get them to talk?

[QLP]

In my experience when a person goes into the silent mode it for one of two reasons. Either they are wanting something from you, or are angry with you for some reason, that they feel unable to voice, and are expecting you to work it out. Hardly reasonable. You can't be expected to be psychic. Or they are stonewalling because they themselves are unable to deal with the emotions they are feeling at the moment and so shut down to disengage from the situtation temporarily.

It is very stressful to be on the receiving end of this and the natural reaction is to either badger until we find out what is going on or to feel angry and threatened ourselves so maybe we want to go off in a huff too.

A better strategy would be to say once, and once only, something like 'you don't seem happy is there anything you want to talk about?' If they don't open up then just say, 'Ok, but if you want to talk anytime I am here for you.' Then get on with something positive or enjoyable for yourself. You might not really feel like it but with practice it should prove better for you both. If someone is used to getting a lot of attention when they use the silent treatment they might find it upsetting at first. You might hear something like, 'you don't care... ' In which case just calmly say, 'of course I do, I'm just respecting your space at the moment but if you are ready to talk... '

If the silent treatment starts mid argument, then you might take a deep breath and say something like, 'ok this is getting a bit much for us both let's take a breather and when you are ready to discuss it further let me know.'

She either needs space to work out her feelings or she needs to learn that she has to say what is troubling her,not expect you to drag it out of her, or both.

Her closing down on you is making you chase her for answers all the time at the moment, which could well be at least part of what she perceives as needy.

[Kitkat22]

She could be having PMS. Just a thought.

[talaniman]

Why not just back off until she is ready to talk. And don't take her silence personally. Or her tone of voice, as people sometimes don't know how they may come off when they are angry, or frustrated.

I think your seeing that sometimes just waiting for the storm to pass is better than arguing.

Eventually you will define the rules of how to disagree.

[vanheart]

Getting lost in a car is never a good time for relationship talk.
Hehehe.

"Eventually you will define the rules"

The most important thing is to listen. To everything.

[lifeistough75]

So is this the same girl? Before it was your sense of humor, and now it is that you are needy? My feeling, and I have to put a disclaimer, they are superficial since I am not in there to observe the interactions between you, is that she is just not that into you, and finds every excuse to threaten the relationship. Just my two cents.

[jadedrsx]

So is this the same girl? before it was your sense of humor, and now it is that you are needy? My feeling, and I have to put a disclaimer, they are superficial since I am not in there to observe the interactions between you, is that she is just not that into you, and finds every excuse to threaten the relationship. Just my two cents.

Yes this is the same girl I have had questions about before. I something's think the same thing that she is not that into me. But I feel in relationships there is always one person more committed than the other. But yeah her level sometimes I feel drops below that 50% mark.

But I have taken the advice of just leaving her alone and letting her take the initiative. We will see, tonight we are going out for dinner for my birthday, I will see what happens, I just going to enjoy the food.

[jadedrsx]

So we just finished dinner and it was quite uneventful. Right off the bat I knew she was not happy, eyes wandering, lips sealed tight and bored body language.

I just tried to bring up light topics to lighten the mood, several times she brighten up but soon it would be the same uneasy mood again.

End of dinner she gives me a birthday present, which was really nice, a "Nook". We go back to my place and watch FireFly (Great show by the way). But still I knew there was something bothering her. So I drop her off at home and that was that.

I want to give her space but I also want to let her know by telling her I know something is wrong without getting that response before, where she told me I was being needy. What should I do? Should I just start with leaving her alone without a word or just talk to her first?

[vanheart]

You got to talk.

Communicate, not second guess.

Let her know how you feel & how important is to her how she is feeling.

Nothing to be afraid of. Be honest & expect honesty back.

Listen. Then if there's an issue, discuss how to overcome it together.

[jadedrsx]

I let her know that I was sensing something wrong between us and that she was not happy. But I also said I wasn't going to bug her about it and to take all the time and space she needed and that I would be ready to listen when she is ready to talk. We just see what happens now...

By the way is there a reason my questions all got merged into one thread? I know its all about the same person but it makes it hard for more people to read my individual questions and give me more responses.

[talaniman]

Do you want informed advice with all the facts, or just a bunch of responses from those that have no facts?

[jadedrsx]

Do you want informed advice with all the facts, or just a bunch of responses from those that have no facts?

Informed of course, but I just thinking people will just see the thread as an ongoing discussion of the first question and not read everything, my experience with most forums, maybe not how it works here?

[jadedrsx]

She sent me a message sayings "thanks for the kind words, I will wait and see if my bad feelings are real or an effect of PMS."

Which I can't make much sense of, but I don't know how much pms can really effect the mood of a woman. Wouldn't you know if it was pms or something else bothering you? I just feel its fishy.

[CarrotTalker]

She sent me a msg sayings "thanks for the kind words, I will wait and see if my bad feelings are real or an effect of PMS."

Which I can't make much sense of, but I don't know how much pms can really effect the mood of a woman. Wouldn't you know if it was pms or something else bothering you? I just feel its fishy.

I haven't had the opportunity to remember/read your whole situation, but I see your first about this was in March.

PMS doesn't last for months on end. She sounds indecisive and you should stick with no contact and find someone better for you.

[jadedrsx]

I haven't had the opportunity to remember/read your whole situation, but I see your first about this was in March.

PMS doesn't last for months on end. She sounds indecisive and you should stick with no contact and find someone better for you.

Yes our first drama started in March, but we managed to talk about it and work through that time. We have had a great relationship since April and its not until a week ago that we have had problems again.