Ask Me Help Desk - We went on a break and now we are back together but...

We went on a break and now we are back together but...

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years, and our relationship had issues lately that caused us to take a break from seeing or talking to each other for 2 weeks. Mainly I noticed that she was starting to distant herself and she seemed very unhappy.

Some background information she has two siblings one in college and one in high school, her parents live out of the country and she has to take care of her brother and sister, my girlfriend is 25. This situation started about a year ago and we spend most of our time running errands and taking care of her siblings. My girlfriend has to cook every night and tell her little sister to do homework and go to bed, basically she has to play the role of their mother.

I have tried to help her anyway I can by helping her with chores or trying to give her a back rub whenever she feels very tired just trying to cheer her up when she is down.

The night we started our break she told me that she was not happy with our relationship and career. She said that she found that we are not so compatible. She said I wasn't as ambitous as she would like, I didn't have a great interest in news/current events and that she did not like my sense of humor. I try to tell her I though that the stress of having to take care of her siblings everyday and her career dilemma was causing stress on our relationship but she explained that if 2 people are compatible we can be doing anything and still enjoy each other.

So we agreed to take a break, and during that time I realized that I was too centered on her life and that I needed to get my own life back but I also realized that I love this girl and I want her to be part of my life.

So we talked and I explained to her what I said above and she shared with me a bunch of things we need to work on our relationship and we decided to work on it together instead of just having no contact.

Its just recently I find out from a mutual friend that my girlfriend felt that she was settling with me, that she know she should not focus on the flaws she sees in me and focus on the good but she feels that is just giving up. That if she can do that what is stopping her from having a relationship from anyone? She said she is just really confused right now that her head and heart are not in same place.

I don't know what to do, especially since I love this girl. I feel the distant still between us and it hurts like crazy. It has only been 3 days since we decided to stay together and take things slow and I know I should give it time, I don't know if we should keep working at this or just walk away.

I think you really need to talk to her. You're not going to get anywhere by sitting there guessing how she feels and where her heads at. The relationship isn't going to work a second time around if you can't communicate with each other and really be honnest about where you're at.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

I think you really need to talk to her. You're not going to get anywhere by sitting there guessing how she feels and where her heads at. The relationship isn't going to work a second time around if you can't communicate with eachother and really be honnest about where you're at.

At the same time, you can't be too forceful, that will push someone who is in the state she is in to push away.

No of course not, I wouldn't suggest being forceful.

However, sitting down and having a good talk about how they feel is far better than guessing. Keeping the lines of communication open is essential if you're trying to make a relationship work, especially after a break.

She has no problems sharing with me her thoughts on her career but when it comes to her feelings about me or our relationship she is not so open. I have asked her many times before we went on a break if there was something wrong and not forcefully either. I tell her that I am here to listen and she can share with me whenever she felt up to it but she never does. It was just that night when it became too tense that she spilled all that about how she felt we were incompatible.

Honestly even if she shared with me I do not know how to help our relationship. I try to tell her that a relationship is more about commitment and not about feelings. Feelings come and go. She argues the fact that if its about commitment then we can have a relationship with anyone and I can't find fault with that answer.

Bottom line is I know she has lost interest in me and I am not sure how to rise that interest again.

Relationships should be as close to 50/50 as possible It really sounds to me like you are doing most of the work in this relationship. You have to both want this to work and be willing to fight for it.

She doesn't like your sense of humor. Are you really willing to completely change your sense of humor? (I don't even know how you would go about doing this.. ) It's just who you are, she either accepts that or she doesn't.

I know it's hard because you love her, but it really doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong, perhaps she has just lost interest. You can't force her to be interested in you again, and you can't force this relationship to work. If you feel she's worth really fighting for, just take things slow and see what happens. Make sure you keep yourself occupied outside the relationship. It's important to have a social life outside your significant other.

Quote:

So we agreed to take a break, and during that time I realized that I was too centered on her life and that I needed to get my own life back but I also realized that I love this girl and I want her to be part of my life.

May I suggest more balance in your life. Focus on your own interests, and hobbies, and career, and less on her, and what she is doing. That will either give her enough time away from you to miss, and appreciate you, and be glad to see you, or convince her that she is wasting her time, and wants to try other things.

She maybe right, you two may not be compatible, but stay together from lack of better options.

The biggest compatibility issue she brought up was the sense of humor one. But for two years we had a great time together. We were together during christmas away from her siblings and we had a great time. I just feel like a lot of her issues with our relationship stems from stress from her responsibilities of having to take care of her siblings and finding a career path.

She even said that she felt she really enjoyed my humor during christmas.

But I know its fruitless trying to say all this because really there is nothing I can do. Its up to her, its her choice. We are together but I am not sure if I should be wasting our time since I feel like she is not trying to work at our relationship. Again I know its only been 3 days since we decided to get back together and work it out.

Trust me, it takes a lot longer than 3 days to make changes, and adjustments. Patience, as things will work the way they work. That's always the way between people, because feelings are subject to change anytime.

You have already seen that.

Thanks for the advice, sometimes your head knows the answers but your heart is pulling in the other direction. I will remind myself to be patient, work on my life and love her if she wants to accept my love.

She sounds like a fault finder. With one leg out the door.

Don't be the guy that has to grow into what she wants.
Nip this in the bud asap. Talk honestly & seriously about your future together. Don't spare.

Personally, Im funny, smart, attractive, career minded. Cool.
And wasn't good enough for my girlfriend. Amongst HER busyness. Silly me.

Start looking at her attributes & decide. If SHE is what you want.

She's got to do the same. Or maybe doing it already. See how you fit in.

Is my girlfriend pregnant?

My girlfriend told me a few days ago she is scared she might be pregnant. This is because she has had irregular periods two months in a row. In February she said her period was pink and in March she described her period as "dry", I guess as in the blood was brown.

We have always had protected sex, I use a condom and pull out every time.

In Feb and March we have only had sex 2 times, once each month. The time in March was the night she told me she though she might be pregnant.

What are the chances she is pregnant and is it too early to take a home pregnancy test?

If her period's been irregular for two months, and she thinks she's that far along, then she can take a home test.

I must say, you seem to have a very good relationship if you're that comfortable discussing her periods.

We are just very comfortable with each other when it comes to sexuality.

BTW, "pulling out" is NOT a way to keep a girl from getting pregnant.

I withdraw and wear a condom every time. But I know the only sure way is to not have sex.

Sounds like its time for a pregnancy test. Only way to know for sure.

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Originally Posted by jadedrsx

I withdraw and wear a condom everytime.

Withdrawing is not birth control.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Withdrawing is not birth control.

OK thanks but I am looking for advice on what are the chances my girlfriend is pregnant based on her symptons and our actions not how to have safe sex. Your posts just come off as judgmental to me and if that is not your point then I am sorry but little comments like these I do not need.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jadedrsx

oK thanks but I am looking for advice on what are the chances my gf is pregnant based on her symptons and our actions not how to have safe sex. Your posts just come off as judgmental to me and if that is not your point then I am sorry but little comments like these I do not need.

I'm not being judgmental at all. Your posts indicate that you believe pulling out and withdrawing are forms of birth control. They are not. By then it's too late. I figured you may have sex again someday, and this would be a good thing to know.

We here in Cyberland have no clue if your girlfriend is pregnant or not. You've gotten good advice on how to find out.