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justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:25 AM

So you lied to your boyfriend about your brother AND about being in school? Are there any other lies we should know about? We can't give you any useful advice unless we know everything. So how about keeping all of this in one thread? I'll ask that they all be merged so...

Masha87 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:29 AM

Yes, i quit before i met him too.. well like 2 weeks before... the problem is i don't know any options where id be making decent money. So i don't want to feel like im a burden on him, that he'd have to support me. Ill find my way. I guess ill have to tell him that. But how should i explain to him why i lied to him? Or should i tell him i decided to quit school now instead of the truth that i did it like 3 months ago?

justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:32 AM

Is there some reason that you post in all caps so much? That's the equivalent of shouting in text. And there's really no need for it. It makes it very difficult to read your posts.

Masha87 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:32 AM

Yeah sorry I didn't want to put it into one thread because I thought it would be too long. But YES THESE R THE ONLY TWO THINGS I LIED TO HIM ABOUT. I HATE LYING!! I REALLY TRY TO BE HONEST AS MUCH AS I CAN. I guess I wasn't prepared to tell him about it. Especially about my brother thing, it's a very personal and kind of painful thing to talk about. Besides, how was I supposed to talk to him about such a personal thing in the first or second date? So... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

dynocompe · Mar 3, 2010, 12:33 AM

Actions speak louder than words- I totally agree. So don't you agree with this, for valentines day you state he didn't take you out, but he got you a gift. He couldn't afford to take you out, so guess what he did because he likes you, HE GOT YOU A GIFT! Isn't his action showing love there? He can't take you out because he doesn't have the money!
You equate feelings with MONEY? ARE YOU FLIPPING SERIOUS?
That is the most unlogical thing I HAVE heard..
Sorry to be so harsh with this subject! I come from a family that has MONEY, and I watch sooo closely when I date a girl, if they are loving my MONEY or ME. I DO NOT and WILL not show I love them THROUGH MONEY! The moment I pick up on that they are wanting my money , or asking me to buy them things, I put up a huge red flag! I want love, real love, not a gold digger
So good luck finding that guy who shows they love you with money! They are out there!

Masha87 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:34 AM

I'm sorry no I didn't mean to shout, I just use it for emphasis. Won't do it anymore.

U didn't answer my question though... :)

justcurious55 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:35 AM

With so many different posts going, its already too confusing. I'm not giving any more advice until they are merged and we can all see the full picture. And please read the site's TOS before posting anything else. This is exactly why you are not supposed to post the same question and related questions repeatedly (which you'd have known already had you bothered to read the TOS)- it's just too confusing.

Masha87 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:36 AM

I'm sorry. OK the 3 things are: him being stingy (which I am over already), and my 2 lies: brother and school. That's all.

dynocompe · Mar 3, 2010, 12:38 AM

I use it to emphasis too!
I would just be truthful, tell him exactly why you never told him! Sounds like a logical reason to me, and one that I would certainly understand.
I would also bring up your guys money issue. You know there is a million fun things to do that do not involve money! Money is the number one reason marriages fail. So its not something you guys shouldn't talk about. But also maye you guys haven't been dating long enough either. I would just be having fun, with or without money

Enigma1999 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:42 AM

Hello Masha87,

In your last post, you mention that you really try to be honest as much as you can, and then ask us, "What should I do?" Well, DON'T LIE!

See, the problem with lies, is that one lie turns into two, then turns into three, and so on and so forth... Until your stories don't add up and even YOU start to believe your own lies.

If you really care about this man, then you will tell him the truth.

amicon · Mar 3, 2010, 12:59 AM

After a month and a half you are still getting to know each other.

I'd wait and see how this works out once your boyfriend has got himself a job.

talaniman · Mar 3, 2010, 06:44 AM

After only a month and a half, its obvious you have not developed enough trust, and communications to really get to know, and trust each other, and for sure you may have your own baggage to deal with.

I think it's a red flag that you expect so much from an unemployed guy, that you don't expect from yourself. I have no idea where that attitude comes from, but I do know when the resources are scarce, couples that care find ways to be together, and have a good time despite the lack of funds.

More planning ahead, and co operating through honesty, instead of unrealistic expectations, would be better than this presuming, and assuming your putting yourself through. You need an attitude adjustment, and he does too, since he isn't doing his part to make you comfortable. Its not to late for some honest talking, and listening.

Devorameira · Mar 3, 2010, 07:04 AM

Just fess up and tell him what's bothering you. It's difficult sometimes to tell the truth when you have all the fear underneath, but once it's all out in the open you'll probably find that there wasn't really any reason to conceal your brother's condition or school at all, because it just wasn't a problem for him. :p

Larken85 · Mar 3, 2010, 07:15 AM

Here's my thoughts, this relationship is still new. There is still plenty of time for truths and I'm sure that like most humans this guy will understand the truth. Honestly quitting school is the biggest thing you have to worry about him getting mad about. Best to get it all in the wide open now though, he deserves the truth from you and you need to tell him the truth, especially if you really do like him. Don't lie about these things in the future either, if they do not accept you they do not deserve you. You sound like a good girl to me, and I would accept you for who you are and where you come from. My girlfriend has a horrible past that would turn most guys running but I am one of the few that realize that past is past and that's where it'll stay. Your bro is something that he will have to learn about and deal with so you have the obligation to tell him. Do it asap

neverme · Mar 3, 2010, 07:25 AM

I don't think there is any problem with not telling him about such a personal issue as your brother's mental health, the relationship may be NOW going in the serious direction so you felt you could trust him enough to now tell him... so DO.

Just explain the situation to him, I would have no issue with someone having a mentally ill brother or them waiting to tell me. What, may I ask, is his condition? Is he really overseas?

As for college, that is your own business and should not affect him. He should not be supporting you in the first place, this is a new relationship! As long as you don't expect him to, I see no problem.

talaniman · Mar 3, 2010, 07:47 AM

The whole thing about dating, is having fun getting to know each other, and that takes time. You don't know if this will work or not, nor if it will last forever. I don't recommend pouring out your heart is such a short time with a stranger, but honesty is acceptable.

As long as your honest, and he has enough facts to make his own decision, that's a start. Its only a start though, as other things about you both will be revealed later, if this continues in an honest way. None of us is perfect.

Don't let your fear of losing him stop you from being honest.

Its usually best to keep your questions in the same place, as its very confusing to read different questions without any context.