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Lucky098 · Feb 23, 2010, 05:48 PM

I know its hard asking for advise. You're looking for the right answer, even though the right answer is completely wrong in your mind. You just need to take everything with a grain of salt and be happy :) Live for yourself.. Don't dwell on making him happy when he himself can't even be happy with the one person who he claims he loves.

A lot of great advise was given to you. Its up to you on how you want to receive that advise.

You are potentially walking away from a very long relationship. Its awkward, lonely and you're not sure if you are doing the right thing... But just do what is going to make you happy. Live your life... and be free. If he truly does want to be with you... He'll come around. Why waste your time on someone who is wishy-washy?

moonflow2245 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:07 PM

Morals as in he doesn't just go out and date around, have sex, or anything.

It takes him a while to even get close to a girl enough to date her. And most times he's the only one interested. Like with me, we didn't start dating until about a year of knowing each other. And even then we didn't do much in terms of touching, kissing or even sex. It took us a while to get that way, and it was all him not me.

amicon · Feb 24, 2010, 01:34 AM

You should look at the facts-he wants to see what else is out there whilst still keeping you in his life.
Is this fair on you?
No.

Your first reaction-ignoring him-was sound.

How much longer do you want to be a backup plan?

moonflow2245 · Feb 24, 2010, 01:43 AM

It's not like I feel horrible I mean I feel weird about it because We still love each other, but I don't see me as being a backup plan, I see me as his first plan and first priority but that he just wants to be sure.

We've been committed for 4 years, and he's never dated anyone, I think that by me have dated and learned what I want it's only fair for him to have the same thing.

It's not like I stopped my life, I'm still working, in college, and moving on, we are just keeping contact, and I don't think I want to do that. As much as it's in favor of us getting back together, I feel that if we keep contact it will just take longer, and he might not get a chance to miss me.

But my problem is, he hates it when I'm out of his life, he gets upset, and stuff. Not like clingy or crying, but he starts to e-mail me asking me why I'm not talking to him, and tells me how he doesn't want to lose me and stuff

talaniman · Feb 24, 2010, 10:41 AM

Its not healthy if he is dependent on you. That's something to discuss in length

We've been committed for 4 years,

So where is the communications and honest expressions of feeling that lead to working together and build on the bonds between two people who are truly committed?

You have made a lot of excuses for his, and your behavior, that are not consistent with your original post. I find it very hard to believe that this guy (any guy) can be in a committed relationship for 4 years, and not want to stay together, and work together.

I think your making excuses, or in some sort of denial, that he has figured out how to get the milk without buying the cow. Plain, and simple, and no excuses will justify you allowing him to do so.

If you were serious about him seeing others to have the same opportunity as you have to find out what he wants, then you would have cut him off completely so he can explore without your influence.

Stop the excuses like your so in control when your not. You allow him to do what he does because your afraid if you don't, he walks away and finds someone else.

If he did, where would you be? Sorry to be blunt, but everything you have written after your original post is about fear, and the rest are excuses why its not.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

You really need to stop being his option, until he gets his priorities straight, and any guy(or girl) that says they can't commit fully to a partner because they are not sure, is lying, just because they keep coming back.

Can't you see the contradiction you have been trying so hard to defend?

moonflow2245 · Feb 24, 2010, 11:23 AM

Yeah, we talk about it, but he has so many feelings for me and cares for me so much he doesn't want to be without me at least in some part of his life. That's always his reply, and even though I've told him he's like that and he knows in a way I like it. Bleh My whole relationship is weird with him

talaniman · Feb 24, 2010, 11:55 AM

He knows you like it, and does it, and will continue to do it, as long as you allow it.

He is not the one who depends on this relationship, YOU are the dependent one, not him.

Kitkat22 · Feb 24, 2010, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by moonflow2245

yeah, we talk about it, but he has so many feelings for me and cares for me so much he doesn't want to be without me at least in some part of his life. that's always his reply, and even though i've told him he's like that and he knows in a way i like it. Bleh My whole relationship is weird with him

Don't you feel used? For crying out loud are you one of those women who think you can, "fix him". Much too late. He is using you and you are an enabler by letting him do so. You should think more of yourself. Shame on you for being a doormat.