[JudyKayTee]

How do they find out the childs emotions or feelings? The Lawyer i talked to did give me advice. and I am sticking to it. I admit that I should not have posted this question, but I appreciate everyones comments. Im a big girl and believe that I am capable of making good decisions. So I will take the good with the bad and be prepared for court. I didnt know that it was a signature. I apologize to whoever has that signature.

In many/most cases a legal guardian is appointed to represent the child. That person refers ALL PARTIES to a social worker or similar person who interviews the parties (including the child) and makes recommendations to the Court.

[ScottGem]

OK, let me add my 2 cents in here. I understand and sympathize with your feelings. But frankly, they have little to do with what the courts will rule on. Yes, every Family Court is charged with ruling with the best interests of the child in mind. But the actual law still prevails. The law says that a biological father has equal rights to his children. The only way the court will not enforce those rights is if it can be proven that enforcing them would be a danger to the child.

And that's the main problem you face. You have little to prove that would be the case. As previously mentioned, if you bring up abuse without any proof, that's just going to be looked at as sour grapes and discounted.

I understand that you don't want to disrupt the life you've built for her. But I doubt if you will have any choice. Some previously mentioned the issue of whether she knows your husband is not her bio dad. If you haven't, you are going to have to find a way to tell her. You do not want to wait for the results of the court case, because that will be too late. You have time now to ease her into it.

As Judy mentioned you want the court to appoint a Guardian Ad Liteum (GAL) for the child. She will look out for the child's best interests. The GAL will talk with the child and gauge just how traumatic it will be to spend time with the bio father. I think you will be very surprised at how resilient a child that age is. Personally I think you way over estimate how much of an issue this will be.

I don't believe you should not have asked this question. But I think you did so expecting us to back you up and agree with you that he shouldn't be trying to be part of his daughter's life. Sorry, but we tell it like it is, not like you want to hear it.

While I sympathize with your feelings here, I believe that they are more about you than your daughter. I don't think you have ever told your daughter about the mistakes you made in your life and I suspect that a lot of your angst here is about how your daughter will look at you when she learns of them. I think you can turn this around by telling her you are not perfect, but you have spent all of her life trying to make up for your mistakes.

But the bottom line, again, is that the law WILL allow him to be a part of her life unless you can prove he's a danger. Emphasis on PROVE. Do not make any accusations you cannot prove because that will turn the court against you.

Take your daughter to a therapist who can gauge, just how traumatic this will be for her. You may be able to use that to limit visitation.

Good luck to you, but you do need to separate the actual law the courts must uphold from your emotional fears about what this will do to you and your daughter.