[Vain™]

Threads merged

Hi everyone,

Last month my girlfriend has left me for another guy. Still not over her.

Guess what. My life is becoming worse and worse. Something worse has happened. My auntie, who I was with 14 years has died from Dysmorphophobia. Yesterday morning. Please, if you have a good heart and compassion , just give me some words for me to make me live on. She was the only one, who took care of me after my parents died. Now, I'm an orphan. I've lost my girlfriend 1 month ago and lost my auntie forever. Who should I rely on, who should I share my sadness, my feelings, my thoughts with, now that I don't have anyone.

I just don't believe this, the day before that incident, she had cooked for me, we were watching our favourite serial "friends". I've laughed with her. I miss her beautiful smile, she was the most beautiful and brave woman ever. She was an orphan herself and she has decided to stay with me. Another 8 hours has passed and she has gone away forever. Left me behind.

I feel so lost, I don't have a purpose in my life, I know my auntie would like to see me happy. But I can't really find something to make me happy. She died so young, why, why she has to go away from my life. She never deserved it. I wanted to marry someone and one day have kids to let her see that she has raised me well. Although she wasn't my blood related person, she will always be the closest person I've ever had. I'm so lucky to have met her in my life, I'm so glad I could have become this person after so many hardships.

If my ex-gf was here, I would have shared my feelings with her, my sadness. I wouldn't feel alone like this. Only if I can find my relatives or my auntie's relatives. Or just someone who would support me in this situation. I don't think my ex-gf cares about my feelings anymore. It's hard for me to handle this situation. I feel so down, upset. Why has God taken her away, didn't she suffer enough? I feel so immature, still craving for warmth, for that feeling that someone is thinking about me, that I'm important to someone in this world. Why can't I have my parents like others do. I would like to hear my every criticism and advice from someone superior to me, scolding me for immature actions, from which I can grow up.

It's almost a game. I couldn't bear the feeling last night, just thinking about her bed, I was crying like. Cried so much. That I'm tired of it. I can't cry anymore. I'm just tired of everything.

I regretted not saying to my auntie, how much she meant to me, how much I'm grateful to her. I regret every bad words I've said to her, when I was angry. I wish this could be just a nightmare, sometimes I just try to hurt myself, slap myself to test if this is real. It's hard for me to accept her leaving. She meant so much to me, she was the only person who cared about me, loved me. Instead of my parents, I've received this person. I regret complaining about it.

Please, rest there. This world didn't favor you, but I believe that the real world is there where you are now. R.I.P

[amicon]

I'm sorry for your loss,how very sad for you.
Sometimes life can be very hard.
Can you go speak to someone from your local church that can help you get bereavement counciling?
You really need to speak to someone face to face now.

[Vain™]

I mean, I really need someone, to whom I would be special, it's 2:55 AM here, I can't sleep, wondering about my tomorrow, I want to enjoy my present, but it seems that I'm not compatible with this tense. I swear, I would like to go to hug my ex-gf and scream as much as I can. The world is so unfair, mostly to the persons who never deserves it. In my case, life isn't "sometimes" hard, it has always been that way. It can't be sadder.

[amicon]

Could you phone someone?
Samaritans or Befrienders?

[redhed35]

You have been through quite a rough time,your in shock right now and need to take it easy on yourself.

I'm sure your aunt knows how much you loved her and how special your relationship was and still is.

Do you have any relatives?

Does your aunt?

First things first,you need to eat,you need to rest,and you need someone to talk to in real time,a priest,a pastor a grief councillor.

Going for a walk can help clear your head and release the stress that your feeling now.

[talaniman]

Sorry for your loss, and I am sure its bleak at this time. I am also sorry you have no support system behind you, and that's a shame.

Feel free to vent here, and when your ready, you can explore building a life that you enjoy, with friends, and activities, that make you happy.

[Romefalls19]

While we may not be a physical support system, we are a good bunch of listeners and I can tell you personally, these group of people have become more of my friends than a lot of people I know. I'd grab a beer with any of them, we all come here when our chips are down, the good thing is, we can always pick it right back up. Vent away, we will listen and offer our support.

[Vain™]

Actually, I don't want to come out to meet new people. I'm not ready to get to know new people and start enjoying my life. I will let time solve the situation and heal my pain with the wounds that won't disappear I guess. After this, I'm going to find my blood-relatives and find my origin. I'm thinking of leaving this city. It had brought me a lot of memories, but I'm 18 now, I need to start designing my life. I will leave this place, sure it will be engraved in my memory forever. The only reason I've stayed here was because of 2 persons I love the most, however, now one is gone the other one doesn't see me anymore. I'm planning on thanking my ex-gf before leaving, thanking her for the warm memories. I want to thank my auntie so much. Suddenly, I start believing in God. I want him to deliver my message to my auntie.

I'm starting to accept this life. It's just part of my life and I'm not blaming anyone. Not me, not my auntie, nor my parents, nor God. It has just happened, nothing more nothing less. Life is unfair, if life would be fair, no persons would have their unique story, which is the essence of life.

To Romefalls19, thank you, I think that non-contact communication would be the best option for me. I'm not in a mood to see faces of new people, it's better to read your posts in this forum.

[tragedy]

Sorry for your loss, Vain. Sometimes you need to move on to keep growing. I'm sure none of us want to be prisoner of our past. Grief is natural when a relationship ends but we need to set a limit to it. Moving on takes a lot of courage. We can't get hold of what's ready for us today if our hands are still full of yesterday. Letting go, moving on is the only answer.

Life is constantly changing. But we have to always believe in Him / God for He has laid out the plan for our lives. Whenever we face unfair situations, instead of being discouraged, we will try to get even and do things in our own strength when we should just simply release our faith and watch God do His work. Remember, He's always there for us and He knows the desires of our heart. All you need is to open up your heart and cast your burdens unto Jesus for He cares about you and He will sustain you as well as grant you the desires of your heart.

People tend to drown in hopelessness without realizing that's the favourite playground of the devil. I'm sure questions such as if God cares about me, why does He allow this to happen to me? This is a very logical or I can say a very normal question. It's through suffering that we turn to God for help. Seldom do we turn to Him when things are going "well" for us. Sometimes God allows this to happen so that we could look to Him for salvation or to draw us closer to Him. God doesn't want us to keep dwelling on the past or live under guilt for He has great and exciting plans for us ahead. He ensures that when one door of happiness closes, another opens. Only when we move on, that's when we are able to receive the next good thing God has for us. Trust Him for He will wipe away all your tears and there will be no more pain - see Revelation 21:4

Stay strong :)

[Vain™]

Do you think so? If you speak of God so. Don't you find it's almost a game? I'm not even sure what will happen to me, I have to believe in him, because I want to make sure that my auntie is in a place that is called "heaven". Why am I the only person experiencing this tragic events. Do I deserve it? Have I done something wrong? Is that why he took my parents and auntie away? I haven't a purpose in my life, it's so blind and dark. We always blame everything on Satan, but if God didn't start this world, haven't created Satan and made him lose faith in God. So the cause is all because of God. We are doing all this things to satisfy his game. It's game between him and Satan, we are just toys. Please, don't speak of God, I don't want to blame him for that. I want to believe that it's not God's fault.

[kctiger]

I don't consider this a religious thing. You are responsible for your own happiness regardless of how unfair life may have been. You aren't the only person going through hard times, just turn on the news and you will see hours of tragic stories being told.

You are a strong and capable person who has gone through a lot. Use that to your advantage and find motivation to make yourself proud. While it is natural to want to put the blame on someone or something, it isn't natural to allow that to prevent you from getting back up again and moving on.

In the words of JFK, "Do not pray for an easier life, pray to be stronger men."

[Vain™]

I am responsible for my own happiness. But you can't understand how hard it is, when you are trying to obtain the happiness through this life.

I'm not praying for an easier life, I've become stronger, stronger means invulnerable, not happier.

But thanks

[talaniman]

Quote by Vain™;I am responsible for my own happiness. But you can't understand how hard it is, when you are trying to obtain the happiness through this life.

I think we all here can appreciate how much work is involved in the pursuit of happiness, and understand the obstacles as well as most of us have been there, and are going through the same things you are. Just for a different perspective, know your not alone in that.

I'm not praying for an easier life, I've become stronger, stronger means invulnerable, not happier.

I disagree, stronger means keep at it no matter what the obstacle, happiness being the goal, not the condition. None of us is invulnerable but we get stronger to deal with our weaknesses, or LIMITS of our strength.

[Vain™]

Hi again,

I like this site, I don't know why. Whenever I'm feeling down, I'm just expressing it all here.

Well, it's been many days since my aunt's death. I'm trying my best to get used to this life. I'm just accepting the reality. My days are being more filled and I've given up on college and start working full-time as a shop-assistant. I was ready to go out to get some life, just when I was ready to go, something happened again.

My ex-gf has visited me ( I was so surprised). I knew sth wasn't right and my doubts have become real. She told me about her boyfriend and her and how they broke up and that he has cheated on her and then left her. She said that she couldn't find someone to bank on and she couldn't find someone else who would be able to help than me. I don't know how it happened, but I think I got some feelings for her, still not over her. I'm so angry at my myself, my auntie is gone and I'm still thinking about my ex-gf, who is seeing me whenever she needs help. I know that's wrong and I should ignore her. I've sent her home then, didn't reply her calls. But I'm so hurt right now, isn't she a human? How come she can treat me like this after so many things happened to me? Doesn't she see that I'm the one that needs some support? I'm this devastated, she hasn't thought about me a single second and now this happens.

I feel so bad right now, anyone wants to talk with me?

[amicon]

You shouldn't be her fallback guy so ignore her in future.
She made her bed,let her sleep in it.

I hope your job is interesting,maybe later you'll want to go back to college?
I also hope you have found people to talk to and help you through your grieving process.
Take care.

[kctiger]

VAIN: I don't mean to be harsh but you need to realize she does whatever you let her do. Your aunt died and you have more pressing matters than to analyze her actions. I am sorry for your loss, but you weakened emotional state makes you more vulnerable to any attention you get from her. She uses you like a damn kleenex and then throws you away.

Don't LET HER! Tell her to get lost if you have to. You are a big boy and you definitely don't need to be hearing her sob stories. Good luck and my condolences.

[Vain™]

Hi, long time didn't check this forum. I've found a job to do, I left the college degree and now I'm serving as a waiter. Finally, I've got to known this girl, she's my new friend right now. And is also working with me in one restaurant. The problem is that she's a cook and I'm an waitress =)

How have you been everyone here?

[amicon]

That's good news-enjoy your new life!

[talaniman]

That shouldn't be a problem for "friends". Nor should being a waiter stop you from finding an even better job.

[Vain™]

How have you been everyone, it has been a month. Suddenly I'm feeling so down again. :/ I'm getting used to this life, it's still some hardships, but I can overcome it better than before. However, I feel so lonely, all of the people I've got right now are too shallow, I need someone closer. I'm thinking about moving somewhere else again. It's true this town is peaceful, but I need to find someone :| I have thought of moving into this apartment with a couple ( they are students), but I'm afraid of not handling it.
How have you been everyone here?