Ask Me Help Desk - How to get over her?

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Hi everyone,

I had been dating my ex-gf for 3 years, then she dumped me and a week later she has dated another guy. I tried my best to keep her, I didn't want to let her go. I've even beg her not leave me, because she was the only one who was close to me (well and my auntie who is living with me, I don't have my parents since I was 4, they were killed in the bus, an accident, well I don't really remember them). But this sentence had persuaded me to let her go "You think by staying with you, I'll be happy?" Oh ma gad, so I let her go, hoping she'll be happier when staying with that other guy.

I got some sense of humour, that's how I got her to be my girlfriend. Well, it began to be an one sided love, but I got her in the end, she had some issues with her family (her parents were divorcing) so at least I was there supporting her and making her laugh. Well, in the end she accepted, it was like 4 months after her parents were divorcing. To be honest, sense of humor might be the only pros I got, compared to her new boyfriend I'm nothing. I'm with no money, no parents, well I'm a sophomore - second year college, no cars, ugly and I'm like a clown for her. That guy is really rich, because of his parents, has many friends, popular, cool parents, nice car and yeah a good looking guy.

It's been a year since the break-up, but the part is that I'm still not able to get over her, she's always in my head:( Whenever I'm looking at our pictures my tears are dropping. I told that guy about her, about everything she likes and dislikes, what should he do to her on valentine's day, on anniversary, her birthday, so I think he's taking a good care of her. But iiiiitttt ing hurts meeeee, and there is no one supporting me. I got my auntie who has disabled legs, so I don't want to share my pain with her. I tried everything, flirting, finding new hobbies to kill my free time, I have joined Muay Thai club to box so that I can release my stress. I try to ignore her, but whenever she talks to me, I swear, I want a hug from her, just a little bit. I miss the way how she cared for me, there was no one so careful and so thoughtful towards me :(. No when I see her caring about the other guy and not knowing what is going on with me, it really breaks my hear apart The worst thing is that I always imagine how she is having sex with him >.<, so disgusting. Well, she thinks that I'm over her. But she's still suspicious of me, because 3 days ago, her new boyfriend had some conflicts in clubbing. They were fighting, but I ignored him. He was with my ex by the way. I tried my best to ignore that. But my damn ex was crying for help, so I went there and tried to protect him for my ex and tried to prevent the fight, well I receive some hits and made me so angry so I beat the out of the bastards. Then the police came and she asked me why I did that (yes I came to the police and told them that I started the fight instead of saying that it was her new bf). So do u think that she knows that I'm not still over her? I mean it was so painful, when I was fihgting with the guyz, and she sitting with her boyfriend and hugging him, the scene was so for me :( When I get home from police station with some bruise on my face, I couldn't tell my auntie what has happened, I wanted to talk to someone, but there was no one, I got some friends, but they aren't so close and I don't have mutual trusts with them. I'm glad I can share it on this website QQ.

What can I do more to get over her, I can't stand this somehow. >.< I feel like I need someone to take care of me and love me, as much as she loves her new boyfriend now, it makes me feel so bad :( I wish I could have someone close... like her or more if it's possible :( I want to share my everyday stories with someone close to me I want someone to ask how was my day or why I'm ill. I feel so weird, I don't know how can I describe this. But whenever I see her kissing him or hugging him, or caring for him I feel like it's hard for me to breathe and it's painful, much more than the bruise I got on my face from the fight.

I tried everything but she is stuck in my head. :( I want a x-mas from her at least. What should I do? And I'm 18 years old, it was my birthday a week ago. Normally I would have a gift from her and we would go to the beach to sing together. And then I would kiss her and hug her.

I miss her so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch. But I have to get over her. Any tips? T.T

I still love her

She doesn't know it probably, it hurts that she doesn't know, but I'm afraid that she would know that. I don't want to be an obstacle in her life. Am I obsessed with her? If yes, then how the heck can I get over it.

I'm really dying to have someone loving me back I miss that feeling. I've never had anyone giving me that feeling except for her, it was my 3 most beautiful years.

Please, heeeeelp me

You have to face the fact bravely that its all over. She has already moved on, has a boyfriend. She is not in love with you. Stop contacting her or looking what's going on in her life. You are only 18 quite young, concentrate on your studies, build your career. I know its difficult but you have to maintain no contact. Hang out with your friends, meet new people and surely you will get someone who loves you back and respect your feelings.
It seems she is only using you. Do you think you want a girl in your life who thinks she can't be happy with you. Let her go and stop talking to her.

Have no more contact with them. None whatsoever.

Stay focused on you and your own goals in life.
You're 18-you have your whole life in front of you and trust me,you will meet someone who truly cares and loves you for the unique person you are.

I know I have to be brave, that's the only thing I'm doing anyway. Oh, I forgot to tell you, she's my neighbour, like 4 doors away from me.

I'm doing well at college. But her absence is my distraction. I still got pictures of me with her. Should I burn them, all the gifts that I've received from her? Should I burn all those memories? Those were the most beautiful moments in my life, should I burn them this easily? The life is already hard for me, I need someone to share my feelings with.

Wish I would have my relatives here... Maybe my parents would be helpful if they were still alive. Maybe if I had more friends then would be able to help me.

You know what, I'm going out tonight, to get to know more people. Maybe that will help. :D U know, I want her to suffer what I've been going through, but I love her, and I can't do it. I can't ruin her happiness because of me:( I'm so weak, even though I'm trying my best and to show her, that I'm immune.

I thought that time heals, but it's been already a year. In this year, I cried 10x times maybe O.o. Need to reduce it, if she hears about me crying, she would mock at me and laugh into my face.

You what is my problem. Sometimes I'm asking, if this is the right place and time for me:( Maybe I should have been born earlier or 100 years later, in another place far away, maybe there is my happiness. Is it only me, or it's human nature that is craving for happiness, is happiness this crucial in life? Was that true love those 3 years spending with her?

I feel like I'm isolated from this world, no one is able to understand me. My friends are too shallow and treats me like a clown.

I know I'm old enough to answer those questions, this is what has her boyfriend told me, :| I was asking him about those questions.

I really love my auntie :(, she's so beautiful and kind. But she has become this two years ago. She's not able to walk. So I have to take care of her. Whenever I compare my backgrounds with others, I feel so sad about me. It's like I'm so pathetic xD I want to work on something or find some business to ensure her happiness. I have a part time job, I'm doing Amway/ Quixstar, I'm getting 600$/ month. She's receiving some supports from others (some donations and social benefits). So we're not starving really, that's the only luck what we do have. Enough to eat.

Yes amicon, I'm really Unique. My life is Unique, no one has this life like me. I want to move somewhere far away, but I can't leave my auntie. She was the only one who was here for me when my parents died. She's just 28 and she has this disability due to that accident. :(

Well back to my topic XD

Ok, any suggestions? Any activity making me to forget her? I hate her, but love her at the same time. She went to my life, turned it upside down and then she left. I feel like I'm being used like a toy. But I can't resist her love. It was so full of care. It was so warm :( I thought I've found it. But it has suddenly disappeared. When I was 10, I remember seeing everyone with their parents, this has made envious somehow, however I got over it and now, I'm jealous of seeing the couple going out and that my girlfriend has left me for someone else. Every seconds is like... I don't know how to describe it, but every breath I take... every seconds I'm in this world, every suffering I'm getting. At least, I'm doing well at college. Hope my life will go up.

So how do I forget her love? Any suggestions??

Of course, no contacts. O.o You really think I contact with her after this? I'm not that stupid, jeeeeez.

I don't know if you've ever seen 500 days of summer, but there is 1 line in there I think makes the entire movie worth watching... After a rough break up the main character meets another girl at a job interview, and they figure out that they both hang out at the same place, and she mentions she's even seen him there once or twice.
He says "I haven't seen you!"
She says "Maybe you weren't looking."

That pretty much sums up the feelings of doubt and loneliness that everyone feels after a break up, especially out of a 3 year long relationship. That's a long time to build love, then it all gets torn down and you're whole world makes no sense anymore. You think that you just lost the only girl in the world you could possibly love, "The one" But the harsh reality is, there is no "The one." You worked hard for this love, now you have to work hard to let it go.

Oh and stop blinding yourself to other women! Get out there and date around. I promise it will be fun.

I'm trying, but she' still in my head. @_@ I become a playboy and do the same as her hahah. I will use girls for my good. LOL kidding. Why are girls so mean. T.T

Stop relating everything to her. You need to free your thoughts. Live your life not to show her this and that but for yourself and your aunt.
You have to come out of her love.

Read sticky's article on this side regarding to do's after break-up, NC rules etc. It will help you feel better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by broken_ heart

Stop relating everything to her. You need to free your thoughts. Live your life not to show her this and that but for yourself and your aunt.
You have to come out of her love.

Read sticky's article on this side regarding to do's after break-up, NC rules etc. It will help you feel better.

That's the problem. I know what to do, free my thoughts. I woud have succeeded year ago if it was possible.

I'm so sad someone wants to talk with me :(

I'm not in contact with her >.>. No one is reading my post carefully, oh ma gad. You know what, I think it's only me who is able to help myself.

Guess, I'll have to endure it, until I'm over her, there's no shortcut or fastening the process of this.

It hurts so much, would be good if she said "goodbye", as long as she would say "hi" again to me. But this goodbye meant "farewell" too much.

Don't want to be an emo, but this sucks. Why the heck have I fallen in love with that girl. I wish humans would never had "feelings", the more the love, the deeper is the pain.

My only relative is my aunt - even she doesn't know who she is. I don't even know if I have grandparents. My parents died when she was 14 years and I was 4 years, we all lived together. And now it's only me and her. This is our present - she's disabled, can't walk and I'm being broken-hearted being in one-sided-love.

Even sleeping and concentrating on my studies is difficult. Someone has MSN or sth? I need to talk with someone. I don't have enough money to go to see a psychiatrist.

The reason that we suggest that you go into NC is because you're still not over the break up. If you read the links that I have provided, you will realize that keeping in touch with her stirs up old emotions, generates false hope and delays the recovery process.

Right now, you're hurting. If you want to continue to suffer, then do so. But when you're ready to heal, then realize that NC is a useful tool.

I also strongly suggest that you read the other stickies in the relationship section: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

There are lots of helpful insights for you.

Well, I've read it.

That's why I've cut every contact off involving her. Well, except for the pictures and gifts. Those were the only thing filling me with warm feelings. It's hard to throw it away. :( I've never had this feeling before meeting her and after this break-up. How to throw them away?

I think you should.
However good they made you feel,now they are just sad memories of the past.
You could see it as a new start,a first step towards getting over her.

Put them in a box and hide it somewhere that you're not going to look, or have someone else hide it for you so that you can't find it.

Maybe one day when you're completely recovered from this break up, you can look at those items again, but until then, those items are only constant reminders and prolonging the pain and suffering.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

Put them in a box and hide it somewhere that you're not going to look, or have someone else hide it for you so that you can't find it.

Maybe one day when you're completely recovered from this break up, you can look at those items again, but until then, those items are only constant reminders and prolonging the pain and suffering.

That's what I wanted to do. I mean I will do it this way. I think I'm over her, it's just that I miss that feeling. I feel so empty without that feeling, especially when I'm looking at other couples.

Great idea. Thank you. Whenever I miss that feeling, I just open that box to remind me of that feeling. Good idea. :D

You will find someone else,when you're ready.
Take care now.

To begin with, stop telling yourself that she’s “the only one”, that you're madly in love her, how terribly miserable you are without her, how wrong/sad/unfair it is that you can't be together, how you'll never get over her, and so on. By obsessing on those phrases, you're locking yourself into this seemingly inescapable whirlpool of feelings. Until you break this cycle you will continue to be miserable.

Take a new perspective in your attitude towards the situation. Focus on being thankful that you knew her. Appreciate her positive attributes, but also be honest about her shortcomings (it can be easy to regard her as absolutely perfect, which she isn’t!!). Don't focus on how you are "madly in love with her you are and how you will never get over it" because that sort of talk is self-fulfilling. As long as you keep telling yourself you won't get over her, you will be trapped. If you can’t alter your attitude on your own, it may be time to talk to a counselor.

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I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago ... saying goodbye. - Dawsons Creek

Hello, Vain I have 5 things I want to let you know that helped me get over someone I truly loved. First, you need to do like a â€œfuneralâ€ you've lost someone you loved; so how to do this? You get all the things that remain you of your sweetheart and you either burn it or you buried it. It takes a lot of courage but you must do it physically so you may do it emotionally. Second you need urgently knew friends (not a special friend or anything like that) that don't know absolutely nothing about your ex relationship. Ok? And you are not to speak about her. They must never know about her, OK? Since she has â€œpassed awayâ€ in your life you must really act upon that. She can scream, cry, beg, and do whateverâ€¦ you are not to pay attention. She doesnÂ´t exist. So tell that to yourself. Remember no one, no body, will give you the value you have unless you have given it to yourself. So instead of thinking, wanting and begging, for someone to love you start giving your elf some love. And remember money comes and goes, beauty passes away, people may forget but God His always and I mean always there whether you want him or not His there. Ready, on the go to help you out. Hope this may help you.