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    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #21

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:14 AM

    Its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? And besides I think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend...

    How should I ask him out? I have never asked any guy out before...
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #22

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lovepolis View Post
    its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? and besides i think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend....

    How should i ask him out? i have never asked any guy out before....
    No, it's OK to ask out a guy. Ask him.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #23

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lovepolis View Post
    its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? and besides i think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend....

    How should i ask him out? i have never asked any guy out before....

    Send a text,and say,hey there's a film on I want to see,would you like to come with me... a text gives him time to think,and ask about the other guy, if he does, tell him there is nothing in it... if he says no to the film,you say,no problem just thought id ask... if he says yes,make the date... but and this is a big but... dont let him play you around with lots of questions or I don't knows or any crap... its a simple yes or no answer,if he has to think about it... MOVE ON!
    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #24

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:22 AM

    What if I say I want to play it cool.. there's no chase if he knows I like him.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #25

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by lovepolis View Post
    what if i say i want to play it cool....? theres no chase if he knows i like him.
    There's no nothing right now... if you want to be chased,buy a dog! If you want a date,ask him!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #26

    Dec 6, 2009, 07:29 AM

    You should date more, not less. It's a simple concept, you date to get to know someone, and have fun doing it. Looking to hook up only complicates things way to early, and much to fast.

    Ask the other guy out, why not? It's a date not a commitment. Have fun, and see if he does too.

    But the caution is not get too attached, too fast, or get carried, away by "the chemistry". These are things that can cloud judgment, and making you pay attention, more attention to feelings, and ignore facts.

    That's when things get really complicated, when you get carried away by your own emotions, and rush through the very important process of getting to know someone, and yourself.

    Just a word on chemistry, that's something you probably as a female have for most of the male population. Some maybe more than others, that's why its important for you manage those intense feelings, and discover what that chemistry is all about.

    Also, it may be wise to broaden your circle a bit, and experience new people, activities, and places outside your own very small circle, that you are comfortable in.
    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #27

    Dec 6, 2009, 08:06 AM

    The thing is I have not resolved the thing with his best friend yet.His best friend confessed his feelings to me 3 months back before returning to another country for work. So I said OK lets get to know each other better first. But then gradually I realised LDR is not working out and he is probably not the one for me. But I have not told him that yet.


    I want to settle that first before I make a move on to ask him out.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #28

    Dec 6, 2009, 08:32 AM
    Then I suggest you tell him rather than keeping him waiting around hoping for something that's not going to happen.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #29

    Dec 6, 2009, 08:38 AM

    I hope that you have learned something by this guy "Z". By him following you to your car, and calling you out on giving him the wrong number.

    You NEVER give in to pressure like that.

    Nice guys don't play games like that. That is border line stalking.

    You should cut all ties with him.

    And as far as the LDR guy, if it takes a phone call, in this instance, I guess that it would be OK. But he deserves to know what's up.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #30

    Dec 6, 2009, 09:37 AM

    I hope your need for attention doesn't over rule your common sense and prevent you from being honest with yourself, so you can be honest with others.

    We humans tend to complicate things when our feelings get in the way of the facts.
    His best friend confessed his feelings to me 3 months back before returning to another country for work.
    Why is this a big red flag to me, and not to you??
    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #31

    Dec 8, 2009, 07:33 AM

    I was chatting with the guy that I like but just before I logged off I told him this

    me: hey lets hang out sometime when you are back. Logging off take care!
    ( He is currently out of town for work but he returns every weekend . I didn't wait of his reply and I logged out of gchat when I got home and I checked my email I saw his reply)
    X: yes do...
    X: when?


    its been over a day... I don't know how to reply him! He heh but I am sooooooo happy =D
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #32

    Dec 8, 2009, 07:53 AM

    Suggest something for when he's next in town.
    Have you told the overseas guy yet that it's not on?
    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #33

    Dec 8, 2009, 08:06 AM

    No I haven't told Y that we aren't on. I don't really know how to say it. I mean I don't call him the most is we talk online and stuff
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #34

    Dec 8, 2009, 08:17 AM

    Somehow you should let him know-its not fair keeping him waiting around.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #35

    Dec 8, 2009, 09:13 AM
    When are people going to learn to be honest with other people? Handle your old business first, and then be free to do whatever you want, without guilt, or baggage.

    Unless your one of those people who don't mind putting some one on the back burner while you see if this new guy works out? That's devious, and deceptive, in my opinion.
    lovepolis's Avatar
    lovepolis Posts: 60, Reputation: 1
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    #36

    Dec 26, 2009, 08:33 PM


    Hi guys I am back because I once again I don't know what is this guy(guy I met at the club) up to.

    about 2 weeks ago we went on a double date. I brought my friend and he brought another of his friend along too.

    So my birthday was on the 23rd Dec. About 1 week before the 23rd he texted me this


    18th DEC

    Z: hey so you are celebrating your birthday with me right?
    Me: says who?
    Z: says me. Ha ha you ve got plans already?
    Me: Yes I have got plans already but it is a Wednesday and you will be in camp =) ( this guy is with the military so he has to stay in the camp during the weekdays)
    Z:I ll take the day off for you.
    Me: Hey but I really can't I already have plans.
    Z: so when is the next best date?
    Me: I think 26th is good for me. So what is the plans?
    (He didn't text me back to confirm the date. I told him 26th is because I barely know him and I don't want to spend my birthday with a friend I barely know. 24th and 25th are too important dates to spend with him too ha ha ha so I chose 26th )

    22 DEC (day before my birthday)

    Z: 12 hours more =)
    Me: are u doing a count down ? How have you been? ( OK honestly I think his text message is quite freaky and stalkerish)
    Z:I have been busy. Yes counting down for you. I already decided what your gift should be... ME! Ha ha ha
    Me: Oh do you think I ll like it?
    Z: ha ha too bad. You don't have much choice here.
    Me: Oh I can't accept such a big gift
    Z: Are you saying I am fat? I am very sensitive about weight you know.
    Me: Since when your so self conscious
    Z: Since forever. So are you really not available tomorrow?
    Me:Yes I cant. Meeting some friends for dinner and drinks

    23rd DEC
    Z at 12.30am: Happy birthday! I am so happy for you!
    Me: Hey Z! Thanks

    24th DEC
    Z: hey how was the birthday celebrating!
    Me: Hey! It was good. Thanks

    25th DEC

    Z: Hey Merry Xmas. Are we still meeting tomorrow?
    Me: Hey merry xmas. Yes! But I have something on in the afternoon, I can only see you in the evening.
    Z: Ya sure, but I am down with the flu I think, so may not be able to meet. I'm hoping I can get better, if not we meet another time you?
    Me: Hey no worries, I think you should get more rest =) sucks to be sick on xmas! Will catch you again!
    Z: hmmmm so sad can't meet you. OK I'll get well then ask you out again. Take care babe


    I didn't bother to reply him... to be honest I am quite disappointed that he cancelled on me. Is he playing mind games with me? I ll call it quits and not bother meeting up with him again if he is trying to play me. I just have no time for games.

    Its like he kept asking me out on the second date... then when the date is nearing he cancels on me. What is he up to?


    what do you guys think?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #37

    Dec 26, 2009, 10:59 PM

    I think he's very strange and you're better off going nc on him. You don't need a stalker in your life.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #38

    Dec 27, 2009, 07:02 AM
    I think he is unreliable, and inconsistent. A bad choice for a partner.

    His actions don't match his words, and that's always a red flag.

    Another red flag, he has excuses when he can't do what he says, or simply disappears, rather than do anything.

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