Check out some similar questions!

bratt_y · Oct 11, 2009, 01:06 PM

I didn't go to the seminar, it was this past weekend. He didn't even bother calling me to ask if I was going and I didn't want to go either. I have already expressed to him, (the first few days when he gave me this whole news) how much I love him and how I don't want to lose what we have. So I have nothing else to express to him at this point, I've done more than enough, waaaay more, he's quite clear of my feelings. So much that when I went there last night to get some things which I HAD to get, he went to sleep and that was it, I got what I needed to get and walked out.
My only concern now is my stuff being there and his key, and if you suggest I should leave it then I'll do that. But what if he tells me to take it to him, wouldn't that crush my dignity! And make me look really bad?

amicon · Oct 11, 2009, 01:39 PM

Concentrate on looking after and taking care of yourself now-dont worry about what anyone else thinks.
See friends and get busy so that your life forward.

talaniman · Oct 11, 2009, 01:57 PM

I think you had your chance already to get your stuff, and return his key. Anything else is just pushing it at this time, when you need to let the emotional dust settle, and try not to get carried away by your own feelings, and assuming too much.

I think you do much better, to rally around yourself, at this time, and get your confidence back, so you can decide what you need, as opposed to what he is doing.

bratt_y · Oct 14, 2009, 11:05 AM

So I waited for two weeks and gave him his "space", just yesterday he sent me an e-mail saying I don't think it's going to work out and we should be "friends". He wrote, I may be upset right now but later on I will understand and it's best this way! And he asked me to let him know when I will go there and pick up my stuff and he can help...
I was so upset and angry at the same time, so hurt and felt like a fool, felt like I had given so much "love" to the guy who I thought was "the one"... all these crazy thoughts and fears came into my mind.
I went there immediately cause I did not want anything of mine to be there anymore, not to have his key in my hand anymore.
He was shocked to see me, and I started to speak my mind. I was calm and tried to stay unemotional. I asked him, since when do we become "friends" with the ones that we love and have once slept with... I asked him, weren't you the one that had this the theory that we can't be friends with the ones that we once loved! He just looked at me and said well if you don't want to be friends than we won't be and then he said I am friends with some of my other ex's!
Anyway, I went on and on and I asked him if he's met someone else, if someone else is in his life, he said no.
I told him I only came here to collect my things, not to win you back or ask for other chances for us, no, I just came here to tell you I have been so faithful and loyal to you, so honest for 7 months, I have loved you to pieces and this is what you have done to us, you broke us. He said I have thought about it for the past two weeks and I think this is the best way because I don't want to think "emotionally"! He told me he has learned from past experiences and relationships that he should not think emotionally and only rationally. I was so hurt so hear broken, but then I just looked at him and said: when you love someone or something so much, you have to respect their opinion and give them what they want... he was surprised and stayed quiet. And I said that is exactly what I am going to do, give you what you want.
I asked him why? What happened with us? He said you are a type of girl that is very strong and passionate and I am also very strong and passionate so the two won't work together. Which I'm sorry but it's bullsh*t. Cause he always preached about how he loves my character and how strong I am , he loves a lot of things about me. He also said I am the type of girl that wants to control a guy and takes over!! Which then he had nothing to back it up with cause I told him, when have I ever controlled anything in this relationship, he knows I'm not like that AT ALL and didn't have anything to say when he said that, it was such a low blow (sorry)
You know, I've come to have such faith and strong believe that if someone wants to leave, they will use any sort of excuse or flaws on the relationship just for the sake of getting out. And especially with men, if they don't want something, they will say anything to that person to leave her.
So at the end, I hugged him and told him you're special to me and I love you, I said it ONLY for myself cause I wanted him to know what he messed up, frankly I don't care what he thinks. I looked at him and said, you messed up something really good and one day you will realize, you will see what you broke...
I still have him on my (network account) and can see his actions, he wants go partying with his friends and these girls are all his friends and in a way it annoys me. I think he doesn't care and he feels good! :(
I hope and pray for the day that he realizes what he did, how much he hurt me, how he broke us... will that happen :(

Cat1864 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:16 AM

Be glad that you are rid of him. Rational and logical? He is a joke. Let him be his own punchline.

Dump him from your network. Go full No Contact. Keep yourself busy, mind and body. Don't even give him a thought. He hasn't grown up enough to merit the title of man. His actions and words are those of a boy trying to play grown-up games and not understanding the rules.

Let him become part of your past. Allow yourself to heal and get rid of the baggage that this relationship gave you. It won't be easy, but you will be stronger after you let him go.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 11:24 AM

I understand that you re in a lot of emotional pain and feel angry and confused.
What you should do is delete him on the social network and start your own healing .
Its about you now-his life and his mistakes are his problems now not yours.
Be good to you and focus on your life.

talaniman · Oct 14, 2009, 07:40 PM

I felt the same way you do now, when I got dumped. That's why I can tell you break ups suck big time, but like MOST relationships, the pain doesn't last forever.

bratt_y · Oct 15, 2009, 02:46 AM

I wonder if it was all a lie! I know and felt at some point, from the things he said that he he wants to get married and he has objectives but then I guess he changed his mind. Maybe it was because I moved in with him, maybe it was because he kept telling me to move more of my stuff to his place and I did, maybe I shouldn't have, but then again at the same time, I think and believe, if someone is so sure of what they want and they really do want to make a move in their life, then it shouldn't matter and be a big deal if their partner moves in or they get closer.
I feel so bad, and upset, I think maybe I scared him, was it my fault? But then again, he kept telling me he wants to get married and he has objectives

azif · Oct 15, 2009, 03:03 AM

You have to accept that feelings change. My ex loved me so much more than I did her to begin with, I thought it would be like that forever, but after 4 years she just stopped.

If it was a change of feelings its not your fault. Its nobodies. You can't change what happened.

Ive wasted the past month thinking about everything different I could have done and now I'm going to fail an exam on Monday that I thought was so important to me

talaniman · Oct 15, 2009, 06:11 AM

It probably looked good on paper, and felt right, we all fall into that mindset. Its hard to resist the urges our heart tells us to. We have to though, just because all things aren't as good as they seem.

You think you know enough in 7 months, but you don't.

To much, to fast, crash and burn.

bratt_y · Oct 26, 2009, 09:32 AM

It's been two weeks since he broke up with me and I miss him a lot, I'm stronger some days then the others but I really miss him :( I haven't heard any news from him at all, and I have not had any contact what's so ever from my end either. The other night I went out with some friends and saw one of his friends. He approached me and started talking, and he said "oh I can't believe you guys broke up, we were just talking about you yesterday..." so he went on telling me about him (my ex) cause this guys (the friend) was a bit drunk so he was just telling me all these things! ;) so he said that my ex had told him.. "ye, she was there at my house all the time, she was sweet, she cooked for me... "! And I was so shocked cause I told his friend the reason why did all those things is cause he was such a sweet guy, cause he appreciated me so much, he loved my cooking and appreciated everything about me, he was the one that asked me to come to his house and move my things there and stay there with him, so the reason why I was with him and all the time and did all those things is cause he wanted me and appreciated me so much, we were so good together and he never said anything. And he said that the ex also said we had some arguments, and I looked at him with a big laugh on my face and said.. give me a break, that's such a lame excuse, we had like three or four arguments in a matter of 7 months! So I think we had a very normal relationship and things were perfect. And I even told his friend, that these are all excuses. I didn't say anything bad about him (my ex) cause after all that is his friend and we were together so any disrespect to him would be a disrespect to me. So then he went on telling me, "all his relationships end up the same way"!! That surprised me to the max, cause he told me that his last serious girlfriend, left him and she broke it off! He said that his parents were against the whole thing cause of culture differences and his mom spoke to the girl and that's why she left him, but then again, he told me she went to see him at his house after a while, like some months or so, but he was not there. But anyway, so the friend told me, he does sis the same thing and he's complicated and he needs someone that will treat him like and tell him to back off!! And he's not going to get that cause he's Not that type of guy himself! And he also told me that I should try to push myself to him and try to work it out. And I said no way, it's called girl pride... and in my mind I was thinking how much I tried, expressed how much I love him and how much I don't want to lose him and as selfish as he is he made the decision on his own and broke my heart, (but I didn't tell the friend this part)
And you know what... while we were together, he told me once that he's a type of guy who loves attention from his girlfriend and that he's not the type of guy that likes it if the girl treats him like , and he said there are guys who are like that but he doesn't like relationships where things are like that. At our an amazingly talented girl and that you are just amazing and he told me to give my number to his girlfriend so I did and she was also telling me not to worry and I acted very fine and strong although it was hurting me but I didn't let them see that. But it come to show me what pathetic excuses he said to this guy and I'm happy that Everyone knows me and they know what kind of person I am. I mean come on, when you've talked about marriage we are in a serious relationship, of course you're going to do things for your man, and he did things for me just as much and he Loved it at the time and appreciated it more and more. So honestly I think those are just excuses, lame excuses, when you want to have a justification for what you did. Please let me know what you think, because now I keep telling myself, and asking myself did I do something wrong? What happened with us?.

amicon · Oct 26, 2009, 09:43 AM

This is how the confusion creeps in ,when you get gossip from someone(who wasn't even sober) and you start analysing again.
My advice is stay away from this kind of situation simply by telling the person politely that you re not talking about your ex and then leave.

bratt_y · Oct 27, 2009, 02:04 AM

yes, you are right. But you know how our minds work! Especially when someone broke up with you and you have no idea what happened and went wrong, I keep on questioning myself, why, what if, what did I do,. and that drives me crazy...
I am so upset that he has made this stupid explanation and justification for himself that "we had arguments"!! I mean come on, who doesn't have arguments in their relationship! And plus, there was like 4 arguments in a matter of 7 months over stupid things, so why would he say that? Is that really the reason why he broke up with me or is it really because he didn't know how to handle the situation and got cold feet, got scared, I was too much for him to handle, or maybe like his friend even said, he does this all the time! Do you think that he's using that as an excuse and over analyzing everything like he always does, as he says himself, he analyzes everything, that's his character. I was thinking about sending him an e-mail saying stop going around telling people that we had arguments, I thought you would have at least handled the situation was more maturely then lying this way, grow up! Do you think I should say something via e-mail. It's been two weeks since the break up and I have had NO contact with him at all. I didn't even ask him for some of my things which I forgot at his place, I just left them. Also, do you think it would be a good idea if I speak to one of his very close girl friends, she's a sweetheart and she really likes me and at the beginning when we broke up, she said that if she was ever in town, she'd like to meet up even if it's without him. Nothing about him though, just to see each other, I didn't at all talk about the break up to her. I just said we broke up and she said she knew, he had told her.
I'd appreciate it if you could give me some advice, cause I'm driving myself crazy with these random thoughts and questions...

amicon · Oct 27, 2009, 03:22 AM

Don't dignify their gossip by any kind of response. Ignore that information as best as you can. Keep moving forward and leave him where he belongs-in the past.

bratt_y · Oct 27, 2009, 06:05 AM

I want to, and I'm trying to... but I feel like writing him and e-mail and telling him something, something like stop making excuses and telling people we had arguments, don't try to put flaws on our relationship because of what you did to break us, don't use a lame excuse such as the one that you are using.
I mean I don't know what he is exactly telling people but when his friend told me this it made me upset.
So do you suggest me e-mailing him would be a good idea at all or should I leave things and not care what he says? I mean I am so sure that people will make their own judgment cause they have all met me and know me, so I don't think they are that naïve to listen to what he says, especially since they have seen how we were together. But then a part of me wants to give him a piece of my mind... please let me know what you think, thank you, your advise means a lot and is greatly helpful

talaniman · Oct 27, 2009, 06:21 AM

I think you leave him, and his opinion alone. It's that simple, because this thing is dead, and over, and you have no control over what he says, or why.

Don't let this situation push your buttons, and push you into any impulsive situations, rise above it, and move forward. If no one had given you that he said crap, you wouldn't even be upset. That's juvenile to say the least.

Cat1864 · Oct 27, 2009, 06:53 AM

No Contact even to chew him out. Especially not to chew him out. It won't help and it is only an excuse that your emotions are making to open the door for contact again. Tell them "no" and go about your life.

On rumors, don't let them get to you, because he is probably hearing the same type of thing. It is the nature of the Rumormongers to spread inaccurate stories especially when drunk.

As for the friend, I don't think that meeting up with her is a good idea right now. Whether either of you mean to or not, it would be putting her in a difficult position of trying to keep separate friendships going with you and him. I would also wait until I was certain that I wanted to get to know her because she would be a good friend instead of the possibility of getting information on the ex, even in passing.

secret234 · Oct 27, 2009, 06:50 PM

Originally Posted by azif

give it to him... dont contact him at all so he knows what he is missing

if he loves you he will be back. stay busy and enjoy yourself in the meantime

I was going to say that 2

bratt_y · Nov 3, 2009, 12:27 PM

It's been more than a month since we broke up, actually since the day he asked for his "space" and after that he broke up with me... I am still sad and I think about it every minute of the day and it drives me so sad and it's actually starting to make me anxious all the time. I think about what's he's doing, where he is, if he's thinking about me, if he still loves me... I keep questioning myself about "what if I did things differently, what if I reacted differently... I don't want to have these thoughts anymore, I want to let go, I want to STOP thinking about him, but yet something keeps popping in my head. I keep thinking about how great we were together, how much we had fun together and how much he said he loved me at some point... why can't I stop, I really want to. I even ask people what he is doing on his networking sites, which even makes me more upset at myself. I need your advise, please give me ways which I can forget about him, I know I have to keep busy, but I need actually methods which can help this through...
Do you think he still thinks about me, doe she miss me?.

amicon · Nov 3, 2009, 12:41 PM

The feelings you are going through now are normal. It is painful but it will pass with time. Trying to keep track of him is not a good idea because when you do that you focus on the past not your own future. Don't blame yourself because it didn't work out-and even though you keep busy you also need to keep your mind busy and not dwell on your memories. Read,watch films talk to friends about things that make you happy. Time is on your side you just have to be patient with yourself.