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123skyscraper · Oct 14, 2009, 02:09 PM

I think you are doing a great job at handling this breakup. So sorry that you are going through it but it is something we all have to face in life.
I would suggest you delete her contact info from your phone, if you need to keep it then store it away somewhere. You need to do the no contact rule for your best interest. Leave herh alone. She is the one who broke it off, if she misses you she will contact you. In the meantime don't respond to her contacts or else you will over analyze and misinterpret things and you are back in square one again.
Keep up the good work. I wish I found this forum a few months ago. People here are really nice.

Something_Here · Oct 14, 2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by 123skyscraper

i would suggest you delete her contact info from your phone, (...) leave herh alone. she is the one who broke it off, if she misses you she will contact you. in the meantime dont respond to her contacts or else you will over analyze and misinterpret things and you are back in square one again.

I deleted her number, now all I need to do is put information out of business... :p

Originally Posted by 123skyscraper

keep up the good work. i wish i found this forum a few months ago. people here are really nice.

That's true, I've gotten a lot of support, it's helped me a great deal. I usually come here and read the posts if I'm feeling down.

Something_Here · Oct 15, 2009, 03:01 PM

I think I saw my ex drive past me on the bus today. I'm not even a 100% sure it was her, but it sure looked like it. Think she saw me too. And now I was just crying while looking at pictures of her. Damn it...

I regularly have to will myself not to look at her Twitter account. I wish it would be either or. Either get back together and it's all sunshine - I realize intellectually that it's just a fantasy, I'm just working to come to terms with it emotionally as well. Or, get over her and be done with it.

I've started writing a journal, and it's filling up quite fast. It helps to get stuff down on paper (well, notepad). Hmm, I feel better now :)

friend4u178 · Oct 15, 2009, 03:06 PM

A Journal is a good thing , particularly when you look back on it in a few weeks time and actually see the progress you've made.

Another good idea is to write a list of the Good and Bad about her and the relationship (and be honest) You'll be surprised how many items are in the Bad column that your not really thinking about at the moment because you have her on a pedestal.

Something_Here · Oct 16, 2009, 03:35 AM

I had a nightmare about my ex this morning. In a nutshell, it was a nightmare because she didn't want to be with me anymore, so of course waking up didn't exactly help either... It was kind of weird, because we talked on the phone, and it was so nice to hear her voice, even if it was just in a dream. I feel like I've backtracked just because I may have caught a glimpse of her yesterday.

Friend4U: thanks for the tip, I'm going to get started on that list as soon as possible.

amicon · Oct 16, 2009, 05:04 AM

Good luck with that list-it s a great idea-it helps a lot!

Something_Here · Oct 18, 2009, 07:18 AM

Went to a party yesterday, and I actually had a good time :)

This morning however, was a new kind of low. Maybe I'm just beginning to realize that she's no longer a part of my life, and I don't like the parts that are left. Although I'm getting a lot of support, I feel really lonely at times, and I really wanted to see her. Sometimes I feel like there's nothing to look forward to when I can't be with her.

amicon · Oct 18, 2009, 07:53 AM

You re having a dip that's what it is.
Some days can be like that until time and real healing kicks in.
Be patient with yourself.

talaniman · Oct 18, 2009, 07:59 AM

You will get use to being alone after so much time with someone. There is a big difference between alone, and lonely.

Something_Here · Oct 20, 2009, 02:00 PM

I just read this article:
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold
I seems like me and my ex made it to the end of the "Romantic Relating" stage, and then it ended. What do you guys think, do you think there's anything to this article, or is it just bull?

qerp32 · Oct 20, 2009, 04:09 PM

Interesting read.

Though many relationships move past this stage, a number do not. Why? There are many reasons. These can include:

* lack of readiness for the challenges of the next stage.
* issues with commitment and fidelity.
* immature beliefs about what relationships should be.
* being stuck on an idealized, romanticized notion of love.

If one of the partners is not ready for a less than perfect and more demanding stage of love, they will exhibit this in their behavior, language and overall level of openness and availability towards the other. This is when the couple begins to think more seriously of a future with each other.

Sounds like my ex all right. I think all 4 of those bullet points hit the hail on the head... no wonder we broke up!

talaniman · Oct 20, 2009, 04:28 PM

Think the article says what everyone has been saying in most of the posts here, and its extremely logical, and insightful.. Especially this part.

As you evaluate your failed relationship, note the stage you were in when the change occurred. Chances are that the necessary level of readiness and maturity was not present in one or both of you. Perhaps one of you decided that this is not the kind of partner or relationship I am seeking. This new information and insight should help you to choose a future partner who is better suited to you and desirous of the same kind of relationship that you are.

I got from this that you let go and get ready for the future. (heal, and move on. I know that sounds familiar.

123skyscraper · Oct 20, 2009, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by Something_Here

I think I saw my ex drive past me on the bus today. I'm not even a 100% sure it was her, but it sure looked like it. Think she saw me too. And now I was just crying while looking at pictures of her. Damn it...

I regularly have to will myself not to look at her Twitter account. I wish it would be either or. Either get back together and it's all sunshine - I realize intellectually that it's just a fantasy, I'm just working to come to terms with it emotionally as well. Or, get over her and be done with it.

I've started writing a journal, and it's filling up quite fast. It helps to get stuff down on paper (well, notepad). Hmm, I feel better now :)

Ignore her if you see her. At most say hi and tell her you are headed somewhere and cannot talk. If it was her, she was just looking for attention.
Do not look at any of her accounts, delete and block them. No pictures, no updates. No nothing. Make that determination to move on. You need to be happy with yourself. She is not your source of happiness! No one should be your life.
Ignore dreams. They don't mean anything.
Keep up the writing in the journal. It can do wonders in the healing process and lets you share your thoughts. When you feel down/frustrated, write your emotions out. You will feel much better afterwards.
Start on that list of pros/cons about her. I am sure the cons will outweigh the pros. When you finish, you will realize she is not the angel she really is. Be very honest and list even the smallest things about her that annoy you!

Something_Here · Oct 21, 2009, 03:00 PM

I feel like that article pretty much nailed it. Our relationship reached the end of the initial phase, and the "reality" of the situation set in. Due to a lot of factors, she did not want to continue seeing me.

I've started on the list by the way, and I'm writing in my journal everyday - a page and a half just today. Those were some great tips, it helps a lot just to vent there.

Something_Here · Oct 23, 2009, 05:00 AM

I feel really anxious and restless sometimes, is that normal? I'll be sitting around, like now, and then it hits me. It's a really uncomfortable feeling, thinking about her and what I lost.

talaniman · Oct 23, 2009, 07:36 AM

That's when you stop sitting around and look for positive tasks to accomplish. Its normal to have those feelings we all do. But you need a plan for how to deal with them. Working on something is highly effective. Planning tasks ahead is even better.

Something_Here · Oct 25, 2009, 08:13 AM

It's gotten harder, I miss her more than ever. I think about her all the time, although I try to do stuff. I try to remind myself that it will just become worse if I talk to her, and I've (re)read several threads on the forum, but it's still hard. Yesterday I spoke with a friend of mine who said it took him a year and a half to get over his first love. That's a scary notion.

Spoke with my mother earlier, and she said something in passing; since my ex is so young, it probably won't take long before she's with someone else. I hope not, I wouldn't be able to stand that. I wonder if she's thinking about me, or if she's moved on...

talaniman · Oct 25, 2009, 09:05 AM

The sooner you let it go, the sooner you will see the other options and opportunities that are in front of you, and will be healthy enough to pursue them.

Sometimes its harder than others to forget the past, but it will get better, so don't let a bad day make you think you won't have good ones, as well.

Something_Here · Oct 25, 2009, 09:59 AM

Thanks. I recognize my own emotions in a lot of the stuff that's written here, which helps (and so does your support, thanks!). I do feel regret, that some stuff could have been done differently, all of that stuff, and it's hard to get used to the idea that this girl is gone. But I'm sure it will get better.

friend4u178 · Oct 25, 2009, 02:25 PM

It will get better and you just have to REALLY believe that , once you do it makes the whole process a lot quicker.