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amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 07:36 AM

Try something you ve never done before where you might meet some new people.:-)

talaniman · Sep 21, 2009, 07:42 AM

Volunteer somewhere where you can do some good.

helpus2009 · Sep 22, 2009, 07:02 AM

Before my current relationship the same thinged happened to me. I was confused and uncertain about certain things.. Know I'm more grounded but I have a slight what if now..

mdoli · Sep 22, 2009, 09:46 AM

Yeah that's what happened to me. I think all those comments I have read about time taking it's course is true. I'm getting a better grasp on my emotions but I still feel like an emptiness is in my heart. About the only place where I feel good is when I'm at the gym working out and time is just passing by.

mdoli · Sep 22, 2009, 07:11 PM

I need some opinions on this or advice at least because its starting to be a bothersome thing, Ihave read the sticky as well on such topic.. how do I manage having mutual friend/friends with my ex.

I have mutual friends with my ex, what I'm wondering is how do I go about maintaining a friendship with them because lately I would get news of things about my ex that I really don't ask for or want to know because they do tend to bring me down a bit..

I have asked our mutual friends not to discuss her for the time being as its not a subject that's great for me to hear about.. but yet they still do every once in a while something will be said while in certain conversation topics...

I don't know if its right or not to just shut these friends out for the time being for my own sake at the present moment..

JTS31708 · Sep 22, 2009, 07:24 PM

I personally think you should tell them again that to please not discuss or bring up her name and leave her out of the conversation. If it keeps happening you should go out with other friends and meet new people, not saying to ditch your mutal friends with your ex but to just go out and meet new people and possibly more friends maybe even another girl when the time comes when you are ready again.

I had friends that would keep bringing up my ex's name a lot about anything that happened like if she was at a party or they saw her somewhere and I kept getting irritated from it and asked them to please not mention her anymore. After a while and as time passed by when they mentioned her name it didn't bother me anymore. Also because she had started f.. king up her life by drinking and smoking. It just takes time for you to realize everything and put it all behind you and move on with your life. Trust me its hard but its worth it in the end.

paxe · Sep 22, 2009, 08:01 PM

Yea, it's horrible as a feeling but in the end you appreciate what you did. My ex is also getting f***ed up with drinking and smoking, while I get better in shape and better mentally. I guess some people want the easy way out and others prefer working for their own good. You have done a very good thing here to stick up to your guts, I wished I did the same thing at the time, I wouldn't have been as hurt.

mdoli · Sep 23, 2009, 08:00 AM

Well hearing that information about my ex definietly affcted me to the point that later on I couldn't sleep right once I woke up in the middle of the night. My mind just kept running back to what I had heard and thinking about it over and over. I kept getting more upset and upset. This morning on my way to classes I was rather angry which my guess is that it had to do with hearing about her.

About our mutual friends I think it would probably bEst to not be around them as much for the time being.

unaffected · Sep 23, 2009, 08:34 AM

**I posted this once, but something happened and I don't think it went through. Here goes again:

Hi mdoli. It sounds like you are at a college or university. Most have events on the weekends that you could attend, to keep you busy. Whether it be a sporting event of some sort, a play, concert, art show, etc.

You seem to be doing a good job of filling your time with studies and the gym, and that's great.

Also, I know from experience how easy it is to just go to your classes and leave your classes, and not be social at all or give anyone a second glance. But, perhaps try talking with some classmates and making some new friends. Especially if you are going to try to distance yourself from the mutual friends you share with your ex. Mingling with a new group of friends will really help you get out of your rut, and you could potentially even meet a girl or two you may consider dating down the road.

And I realize this sounds quite played out, but time really does heal all wounds. Just do the best you can to get through this hard part, because soon enough it will all be a distant memory.

mdoli · Sep 27, 2009, 07:41 AM

Update:

First just want to Thank you all very much for your advice and taking the time to look at my story here and life situation..

Today I'm somehow very proud of myself as I have kept NC for 14 days, in my mind I wanted to break the contact over, over, and over but haven't.

As for other things I think I'm really opening my eyes to what the relationship was and how everything played out in our relationship Time really has a funny way of creeping in these thoughts ha ha.

I also have a lunch get together with a girl, this week that I met on campus, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm just there for friendships nothing remotely to even dating or in that direction as of right now. School, work, and get the life I want to enjoy again are my top priorities, and boy may I say it feels good. :)

paxe · Sep 27, 2009, 08:39 AM

Well, here's a proof that NC does work and that we can get much better with time. Finally you are in the right mindset, continue the good work!

mdoli · Oct 9, 2009, 04:58 PM

Updating this question of mine, but mostly just saying hi.

Things are going good with me and dealing with this situation I was placed under. School, work, and just trying to live life. I must say I ha e held up to nc and I'm at a much better state of mind because hearing this news couple weeks ago would have sucked. The ex girlfriend as I heard from a friend today has a new boyfriend. I must say it really didn't bother me much as I think it would have couple weeks ago.

I must say I didn't quite expect it so soon it hasn't been that long since the break up and I mean we had a history together. I must say it says a lot to how much I mattered to her in my mind anyway because I was replaced so to say within a couple of weeks.

All I can say is it is what it is. Sigh.

mdoli · Oct 18, 2009, 12:30 PM

Thought I would ask or comment in here rather than ask a different question all together.

So my birthday is coming up on the 26th and well as of yesterday my ex stopped by my place out of the blue to drop off a gift which I'm guessing for my birthday but I wasn't home and my father was there at the time and he basically told her that I wasn't home and she left with the gift for me, but it isn't even here yet my birthday that is, and then later when I get home from night out with my friends I get a call from her around 3 or 4 in the morning. I didn't answer the phone as I was sleeping but my question is why would she do something like this now its been over a month now since the break up.

I have not tried to contact her at all in that time or anything kept my distance with mutual friends and kept busy, so why the heck is she doing this now, I was finally starting to come around to everything being OK with myself and just getting to the part of looking forward to things in my life and this happens to cause a stir with my emotions not a big one but its still there. Are these things supposed to happen. Ugh this sucks.

Any input would be appreciated, thanks

talaniman · Oct 18, 2009, 12:38 PM

Why would you let this small gesture throw you off? You accept gracefully and keep on trucking.

paxe · Oct 18, 2009, 12:38 PM

She is just trying to string you along, she lost the playing groud basically and she doesn't feel empowered as she used to be.

You're doing fine, keep doing what you are doing and don't contact her whatsoever, you will yourself false hope and she will get what she wanted.

emopunk7 · Oct 18, 2009, 02:18 PM

Stay strong.

mdoli · Oct 18, 2009, 04:58 PM

Yeah I will keep doing what I have been so far, I have been in this situation before with her and I messed up by falling for the bs, thus I'm here today. To be honest with you I'm afraid I will screw up and give into temption, or let my feelings out rule my minds thoughts and answer but I will be strong. I made a personal goal to keep nc for 90 days to see what comes of it and how much I personally grow n feel over the course of that time. It's such a long ways from now when I think about it but I hope the reward is great one.

I'll be honest since it everything is fresh within this situation I do sometimes want her back but I know there is a better alternative with another person or just being happy with myself.

amicon · Oct 19, 2009, 04:41 AM

You re on the right path-stay strong and listen to your head.

paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 07:43 AM

Stay strong, it's her loss and your gain.

mdoli · Oct 19, 2009, 05:40 PM

So today was a bit of a challenge trying to keep my mind off her and memories and questions sunk in immensely. But amongst that I came up with two questions what's the real deal with letting go? Will time do that for me with my effort. How do I truly know when I'm letting go?

Second does accepting mean the same as letting go? How do I know what I'm doing is on the right track to all of this? I'm just tired from this, I really want to move forward but I feel like there's something hanging onto which is causing me to think this way in a downer mood.

Just some input would be appreciated thank you