Ask Me Help Desk - Break which lead to break up

Well my ex and I were together for about a year and then we broke up. Stayed no contact for about 6 months at that time. I finally wanted to have contact with her and so we did. We talked a lot and even went out on a few dates. Yes there were feelings there and at that time things felt right to me to proceed into a relationship with her. When we made it official, things were going great for about a month and half, but in the last couple weeks things just went downhill. Such things as constant fighting and her ultimatums on what I should be doing. Her whole attitude towards me went downhill, almost as if I was just another person and no one that really mattered much. Also this was all in the span of three months

The love and everything just disappeared from how things were at first. A lot of her actions didn't match what she was saying to me. The affection, care, love, and whole demeanor of hers was completely gone meanwhile mine was still there for her and I kept giving it.

Well today was the day it happened the end of our relationship and it sucks. This is how it went down, she basically said she wanted a break from us to think things through and give her some space and I told her we see each other twice a week maybe, and don't talk as much as we used to so I don't understand how you want space from that. She insisted on taking a break for this month or something to that extent and then coming back when she wanted. I told her I will treat your break as a break up and I will move on with my life, well she didn't like that so out of nowhere she's wants to stay together blah blah.

I honestly didn't think it was right for me to be with someone who can just treat my heart and emotions like a toy. So I told her it wasn't right that she did this and we couldn't any longer be together. It sucked, telling her these words because I love this girl so much. She was my first love, first sexual experience as well, and so many other experiences. I'm 20 only and this is how my first love was supposed to end up, kind of sucks.

I just told her goodbye and that was it. It sucks, Even though I was treated like this and basically yo-yoed around, I still hurt and kind of feel like I'm a horrible person here for ending it.

Should I be feeling all of these emotions?

You did the right thing plain and simple. No one's heart should be played with ever.

Your feelings are normal and will go away in time.allow yourself to feel hurt then you ll heal.

After everything that she has done to me in the past an even now. I admit it's not as if I was a saint of a boyfriend by I treated her really well, yet I still feel sad for her and majorly dissapointed that it had to end this way. Even though I was treated ty I still feel bad for her. I don't even know if this normal

Quote:

Originally Posted by mdoli

should I be feeling all of these emotions?

Yes, these emotions are very typical. Roll with them and try to keep moving forward.

I respect what you did in responding to her, "needing a break...". Healthy relationships don't need breaks. Healthy relationships work through conflict and problems, together.

When someone needs a break, i.e. days, weeks, months, from the relationship consider it a break-up and walk away. They may not come back but you can be damn sure they'll respect you for it.

So I saw her today driving past me in the opposite direction, at the moment it didn't really phase me much but as I came home it kind of just stuck in my mind, her anyway. Thoughts and everything we did, previous memories came back.

A question came to my mind, why do people ask for breaks rather than just break up? Could it be just a cop out to what they will have courage do to you later on while your left there sidelined.

Or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

Ughh frustrations are creeping in on this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by mdoli

or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

That's exactly what my ex girlfriend did.

Well I don't know if that's the case here but lately I can't rule anything out.. just really disappointed in this whole sh*tty situation.

I can tell you, it's probably the case. She wanted you to wait for her while she goes and sows her oats, then when she comes back you, by right, have no reason to ask about her actions during the break. You did the right thing, it sucks but in time you will realize it's for the best

Wow honestly if that's the case that's so messed up, I just don't understand how people can even do things like that. If you want to shag it up with someone else why be with your significant other you know. It's highly illogical to me.

I can say things didn't feel right to me that you would need a break from a relationship when you're having problems. To me it's always been try to work it out together or just end it and continue your life... you're right it sucks plain and simple

This is life my friend. Hang in... keep ducking and swinging.

Update more like a vent

It's been a week now and well the week has been extremely busy with school papers exams and things of that sort. Just when I'm feeling good about things, one of our mutual friends mentions to me that my ex txted him asking for some guys number wanting to get with him and that she is going out partying. Ugh frustrations are creeping in and I'm doiing one of my papers for a class to add to the frustrations.

It's like I hit a brick wall as I heard this news.

Sorry I just rather say it on here than give into the urge of contacting her

Well your doing the right thing by saying it on here! And the right thing by not being with her!

It's tough. Just let it slide.

So yeah I finished up some papers for school. Basically decided I wanted to get out and mingle I guess. I called up one of my friends to come with me and we went out to this club bar. Just my luck I swear, my ex is there hugged up with some guy. Definitely an amazing thing to see.Ugh. I mean come on it's been a week. I can like see I really meant super little to her.

Is this gods way oF showing me how to deal with this and seeing this type of bs.

Btw I just looked at her and walked past her to the table where we knew some people. When I saw her hugged up with the guy I didn't think it was even worth saying hi.

Grr should have just stayed home...

You did the right thing so give yourself a pat on the back.She s shown her true colours and you re one day closer to getting over her.Also you should be going out and enjoying life never mind if you run the risk of bumping in to her.Remember she s an ex for a reason.

Geez guy, she was just being honest, and letting you go, so she could do her thing. That's what young people do. They also like to explore, and experience things. That's natural, and comes with growth.

I can understand your hurt now, but trust me, someday when your feelings change about your partner, you will understand better what she felt, breaking up with you. Take it in stride and move beyond the hurt. I think eventually you will.

I understand what you're saying talaniman an you're right it does hurt, it's not an easy thing to be seeing someone you love and whose said they love you just a week ago hugged up and with someoyher guy all over her. It isn't easy thing to witness at my age but hey that's life I guess, it's how I chose to deal with it that matters.

I think my hardest time during this whole break up might be my weekends because that's when my mind wonders the most and I don't know how to stop it from doing that. How do I go about keeping busy with weekends

Make plans. Sounds simple, but it will allow you to look forward to something, and keep you busy with things you enjoy.

I have to clean my mothers garage next weekend, care to join me???

Yeah my weeks are super busy with school and work. But weekends are not filled with anything, so I really don't even know what to do but I'll try to come up with something to keep me busy.

Honestly at this point I would if you lived close but your probably far away ha ha