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kctiger · Jul 13, 2009, 10:48 AM

I screwed up countless times, so no worries. Just learn from your mistakes.

COCADA · Jul 13, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I screwed up countless times, so no worries. Just learn from your mistakes.

Hi KC, I keep screwing up! I mean, these are mistakes I can prevent now, I know I can, but I keep making them, Is it purely just a broken heart situation when you keep on doing the same mistakes? Like in my case, sending him a text and knowing it was a big mistake, promising to myself "I wont do it again" and after a few days I miss him and I send him another text! It's a vicious cycle that I need to end NOW. The secret to success is not to repeat the same mistakes, I will never get over him if I keep repeating those mistakes. I've been thinking about canceling my text messaging service form my cell, that way I won't be able to send or receive texts messages, if that's going to help to stop contacting him I am going to have to do that.

I really don't know what's keeping me from letting him GO for good. Is it because I got used to all of him ? Is it because I still love him?

kctiger · Jul 13, 2009, 11:13 AM

In time you will have made enough mistakes and screwed up enough that eventually you realize that you cannot move on and cannot be yourself if you don't put an end to it. You will reach that point, as I did. One day it will click and you will start living for yourself.

COCADA · Jul 13, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

One day it will click and you will start living for yourself.

Really hoping that day comes soon.

Elousia · Jul 13, 2009, 11:39 AM

In order to keep the NC going u just have to keep busy and know that nothing is going to come from your messages, it will just set you back further. I haven't made contact for since July 1st now and this is the longest I have gone and it feels good. I really miss my ex, but she isn't real anymore, the relationship is over and I have to come to terms with that> That's why NC is important because by going NC it shows that you understand that it is over and not holdig onto something that willl never happen.

Its hard to let someone go when you love them but what else can you do? I say meet other people and don't rush into a sexual relationship with them, but spend time talking and doing things a couple does but with no physical aspects involved. Enjoy the company of each other and one day you will have found yourself moved on, and not having the ex control your thoughts.

COCADA · Jul 13, 2009, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Elousia

In order to keep the NC going u just have to keep busy and know that nothing is going to come from your messages, it will just set you back further. I haven't made contact for since july 1st now and this is the longest I have gone and it feels good. I really miss my ex, but she isn't real anymore, the relationship is over and I have to come to terms with that> Thats why NC is important because by going NC it shows that you understand that it is over and not holdig onto something that willl never happen.

Its hard to let someone go when you love them but what else can you do? I say meet other people and don't rush into a sexual relationship with them, but spend time talking and doing things a couple does but with no physical aspects involved. Enjoy the company of each other and one day you will have found yourself moved on, and not having the ex control your thoughts.

You are doing a good job by keeping NC, Iam glad you fell so much better. I know that if I keep contacting him I will never heal, and I need before even thinking on having a boyfriend again. I dated a couple of times couple of months after my break up and they went horrible, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and I wasn't comfortable at all during those dates.

Its true, I really miss him too, and I know that I won't get anything if I keep texting him, I would just slow down my healing process. Its hard to realize that it's the END. I miss what we had, I miss him as my friend. Last weekend one of my relatives asked me about him (not knowing that I still wasn't over him) and I just burst in tears, it was so weird.

COCADA · Jul 13, 2009, 06:21 PM

Will I ever stop crying for him? I just want to the pain to go away.

xdarkninja · Jul 13, 2009, 08:18 PM

If it's meant to be, rather it might be now or future.. no matter what you do or what you say. If he truly loves you, he'll come around. Patience is the key... if it's not meant to be than no matter how much effort you try or do it won't bring him back.

None of us on here, doesn't matter who the breaker or breakee is... you can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel. Now you might be single, but having single benefits u in many ways... explore the world and understand yourself and u have more time to do the stuff you enjoy. Just always remember to keep your head up high, no matter what happens either in the past, present, or future just know we make our own choices, it's never the end. You might not have him now, but you can't see the future, u can't just skip your whole life and seek it through. It's not how life is... so now is now... and make some amend on your life and when it's suppose to be it'll be. We all make our paths, it's never the end... it's just more option down the road and now when you've learned your mistake than just make amend on not doing it again than ull be surprised on how time can change everything.

xdarkninja · Jul 13, 2009, 08:23 PM

To love is to accept pain... when you put your heart out there for him, than your trusting him not to break it. Nothing is perfect, if every love is perfect than no one would be here right now hurting or seeking for more advice. I'm not saying don't go NC... but go NC for your own benefit, work on yourself... NC doesn't mean to end everything once in for all but its to make a better choice in your life and accept things as it is. You might not speak to him for a few months, it's cause your helping yourself and improving on yourself and when your ready and still feel the same... go back and talking to him as a friend and things might be a fresh new start once more. As I said before Patience is the key... Great things happen in time, not for the moment. If you're hurt and he's hurt.. and having a relationship is just a total mess so just live your life... make sure your fine and know ull be fine with or without him than your ready to be friends again. At the same time, it may or may not work so just don't hold on to too much hopes... let time take its coarse and who knows... 2nd chance might be it.. everything happens for a reason.

Chey5782 · Jul 13, 2009, 08:49 PM

Oh girl. *hugs* I know how you feel. I'm all pregnant and reading this made me crrryyyy. I had that kind of hurt toward an ex for a year after we broke up. Sometimes even now I think of him and want to e-mail him and tell him all the horrible ways I wish he could hurt like I did, other days I want to thank him for helping me grow as a person. And I am 27. Really loving someone doesn't get easier when you are the one who wanted to be in that relationship and it ends.

After I broke it off with my ex we only talked a very few times, each time was very hard on me. It gave me nightmares, and effected the way I was with my friends. So here's what I finally did, maybe some of it will help you.

A.) I deleted his number from my phone. It makes you think about it more if you have to dial the number to txt them.

B.) I deleted every mutual friend we had online so that he couldn't look at my profiles, and I wasn't tempted at 3am to drunkenly make comments on our friends photos about how hawt or bad he was looking with my affection. I also sent each of them a note AND a txt telling them why I was doing it for some closure, and that it wasn't personal, I just needed it to move on with my life, a life without him in it. (This helped more than anything else because I am very social, he wasn't shoved in my face anymore.) Yeah, I can dig you having to delete ONE friend, but I highly suggest doing them all. They got yo number honey. They will call. Mine did.

C.) Take a big deep breath and a few weeks to try and see him ending it from his point of view. I did this, I hated every moment of it, I saw his decisions and why, and it made me more mad, but I did eventually start to understand why we weren't meant to be. That was really my first step in forgiving myself for all the guilt I had over the way I acted.

You DO need to start taking the steps to forgive yourself. There will never be a point in asking him to forgive you if you cannot start to forgive yourself. Leave asking him for forgiveness as the last step. And realize that you are going through a grieving process. You are grieving for that relationship, the loss, the love, the expectations that were crushed, and for him not being who you thought. It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to express that hurt, but try to do it in a healthy way. Without dwelling, but without repressing it so badly you never recover either. If he says he will always have love for you then realize he has probably already forgiven you, and understands that you hurt when you did all of it. You are your own worst enemy in this case, because you see yourself at your worst more than any other being. Start doing what you need to for yourself, and with time, and a few steps, it does get easier, the perspective comes, and you can eventually accept his forgiveness. Just know that his forgiveness is not nearly as important as your own, you have to live with it for the rest of your life, and someday, he is going to be not a lot more than a memory you shared once.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you are still needing some support. I'll be checking. *hugs*:p

COCADA · Jul 14, 2009, 11:07 PM

Hi Chey,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. I am soory I made you cry : ( Its funny that you mentioned as one of you tips to see him ending it from his point of view, because I do that a lot, and it does hurt, and I get mad too, but then again I didn't make the break up easy for him at all , I was really mean to him for quite a while, and I do regret that. I feel like crying every time I put myself in his shoes, and wonder what he thinks about me now, I KNOW its over, but for some reason I really don't want him to resent our relationship, to resent what we had, because of what I told him, He was always so nice to me, even after our break up, after everything that I told him he never treated me bad, not once. And I was sweet to him too (before the break up), but it just sucks that for my mistakes he won't remember me as that sweet girlfriend, I hope he understands that I was an emotional wreck , and that I was so hurt , still am.

I really do feel like my own worst enemy right now, I just hope that from this experience I won't make the same mistakes with my future relationships. I cry almost every night thinking about him, Im exhausted of it, Im so tired of crying.. you have no idea, but I can't stop the tears from pouring out of me.

I can't stop wondering if I would ever meet someone as special as him again, you know?

Chey5782 · Jul 15, 2009, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by COCADA

Hi Chey,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. I am soory I made you cry : ( Its funny that u mentioned as one of you tips to see him ending it from his point of view, because I do that a lot, and it does hurt, and I get mad too, but then again I didnt make the break up easy for him at all , I was really mean to him for quite a while, and I do regret that. I feel like crying every time I put myself in his shoes, and wonder what he thinks about me now, I KNOW its over, but for some reason I really don't want him to resent our relationship, to resent what we had, because of what I told him, He was always so nice to me, even after our break up, after everything that i told him he never treated me bad, not once. and I was sweet to him too (before the break up), but it just sucks that for my mistakes he wont remember me as that sweet girlfriend, I hope he understands that I was an emotional wreck , and that I was soo hurt , still am.

I really do feel like my own worst enemy right now, I just hope that from this experience I wont make the same mistakes with my future relationships. I cry almost everynight thinking about him, Im exhausted of it, Im so tired of crying.. you have no idea, but I can't stop the tears from pouring out of me.

I can't stop wondering if I would ever meet someone as special as him again, you know?

I know it's futile advice because I have never taken it myself, until I did without realizing I had... heh But you need to stop dwelling on the way he views you. It sounds to me like he doesn't have a bad opinion of you, never did, but you can't see that and accept it because of all of your hurt. Normally I don't tell people to try counseling, that's everyone else's answer and sometimes the obvious is what we need.

But if I were you I would find someone professional to talk to about this. Someone who can help you find the closure you need, and in the right order. If you are still in school, be it up through college, there is counseling available to you, all you need to do is seek it out. Very little but time and forgiving yourself will heal a hurt so deep you feel it in your soul. But taking the steps to reclaim your life, to feel like you have forgiven yourself, and he has forgiven you (I'm only saying that because it's as important to you as your self) to move on and start living instead of dwelling over what could have been done differently.

These are all things you will need to do before you WILL be free to find someone you can love, who will love you back just as perfectly, if not better, than you had ever imagined. It is possible, love is flexible. You cannot keep holding back your life with an inability to stop hurting and feel peace. A good counselor will help you with this. I know it can feel suffocating and like the end of everything, but you are capable of doing this. All you need to do is try, and trying for yourself to be healthy never hurt a soul.

jmjoseph · Jul 15, 2009, 08:46 AM

Apologize and move forward. The windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. Don't look back in regret, just try to take something from it and learn. Good luck to you.

talaniman · Jul 15, 2009, 09:51 AM

Let me know when you have had enough beating yourself up, and are ready to forgive yourself, and get busy making changes for the future. I do realize its still fresh, but its not all your fault. Has it been 2 months since the break up??

Don't mean to be harsh, but maybe getting busier for yourself is what's needed? Whens the last time you did something good for yourself?

COCADA · Jul 17, 2009, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Let me know when you have had enough beating yourself up, and are ready to forgive your self, and get busy making changes for the future. I do realize its still fresh, but its not all your fault. Has it been 2 months since the break up???

Don't mean to be harsh, but maybe getting busier for yourself is whats needed?? Whens the last time you did something good for yourself??

You are not being harsh at all, sometimes being harsh when trying to help someone, really do help. I really appreciate your advice, you are obviously more experienced than me and you know what you are talking about, and I know you are telling me all this because you WANT to help me to get over this, I appreciate that immensely.

It has been 5 months ! Since the break up, I kept contact with him through out all that time until I finally discovered this forum! And when I finally started NC, I broke it 2 times.. won't do it again, no no... not cool breaking NC.

I will most def let you know when I had enough FOR GOOD, I am getting there, I just still think about that and makes me cringe, but once I am totally recovered, It will be amazing! And I will love to share that with you and with the awesome people here that has giving me their advice and support, without even knowing me! I think that's so cool.

I've been swimming almost everyday, its my hobby, I've been doing that for quite a while , waaay before I met my ex boyfriend. I count that as something good for myself, I've also been painting a lot, which I enjoy, in between working full time and going to school full time, and going to the gym, you must think I don't have time to think about him, but I still do, everyday once or twice and I miss him on weekends, because we only saw each other on weekends, but now he is just that... just a memory, I finally accepted the END, and accepting that makes my want to cry a little bit some nights, he is not part of my life anymore he WAS part of it, and he will be in my memory forever (unless I get amnesia), and I now that by doing NC, eventually those memories of him will start to fade away till I get to the point that I will remember him only once in a while, and feel good about it, or feel.. nothing about it.

I know its OVER, and I WILL stop contacting him, for MY own good , for ME to be spiritually healthy again, for me to be ME and enjoy life that way. I know I AM strong! I CAN do it! I know I am a brave girl! 2 years ago I came into this country all by myself to follow my dreams, and Im sticking to those dreams, and I won't let a broken heart bring me down! Not anymore!. I know I need to be patient though, I know TIME WILL heal me. (that was a cheer for me... and it felt good)

odilians10 · Jul 18, 2009, 07:23 AM

I read your thread and is like 90% similar to what I was doing to my ex, though I'm the one that did the breakup and kept going back and forth with my decision until he got tired of it and stopped responding, but we recently decided to be friends but I still have this little anger towards him and still say mean things sometimes but after reading this I've decided to let him be from this moment and cherish the friendship and don't mess it up. I've hurt myself as well as him. I wish I'll never see him again but we have very close family tires that I can't excape crossing paths again. I ithink somestimes anger make you hold on, but as soon as you let the anger go things start getting better.this thread has helped me a lot and just stay strong times heals all wounds.

COCADA · Jul 18, 2009, 09:34 AM

Hi odilians10, I am not friends with my ex, I cant, I still miss him, I might get there but it will take a lot of time and by that time I might not even want a friendship with him, who knows. He called me on my birthday on my birthday a few days ago, after that I broke NC again by sending him a text of something that reminded me of him and that's it. I don't feel anger anymore , well after letting it all out with him, which was the wrong freakin way of letting it go, I made the break up really hard for both of us, harder on me because I had the ability and the power of stop texting but I couldn't stop because all those negative feelings were blinding me from being reasonable, but hey... now I know better.

I am glad my thread helped you, and you are making a great decision by stoping the texting and respecting him, believe me , he will appreciate that very much, because he still cares about you and you are showing him that you care for him as well by doing that. I don't wan to see my ex again either, it still hurts when I see a pic of him, seeing him right now would be total torture, and I'm tired of torturing myself, I am done wit that.

Good luck with everything! Keep me posted ! Keep NC, I will too

COCADA · Jul 22, 2009, 09:51 AM

How come I still fell like a I love him ? It's been almost 6 months since the break up , I've been keeping NC for two weeks now. Is it still love? Why do I still miss him?

talaniman · Jul 22, 2009, 10:04 AM

No its not love, just you un-attaching yourself from old patterns of familiarity. Intense yes, as love sometimes, but its more you yearning to feel good, and revisiting those feeling at the last place you had them.

The most important part of NC, is when you realize you must love yourself, not just to heal, but to feel good about yourself, and be happy with yourself.

COCADA · Jul 28, 2009, 03:24 PM

Ahhh!! I am going through a weak moment right know, my unconscious anger against him is raging right know, about 3 weeks ago he said he was really sorry that he hurt me , and sorry that I was going through a hard time because of him. I told him that it wasn't his fault , that I loved him very much and he just stopped. I thought about what I told him and I regret telling him that it wasn't his fault, It was his fault why I got hurt! He broke my heart, out of the blue ! And he hurt me because he kept telling me that he loved me and that he didn't want to lose me, he told me all that but he didn't want to be with me! He hurt me by lying to me telling me that he still loved, It was his fault that he hurt me, he could have just STOP lying and he didn't! I feel so weak right now, I really really want to tell him.. "you know what? ... It is your fault that I am going through a tough time! becuase you kept lying to me , why would you do that? why wouldnt you stopped telling me that you loved? If you really loved you wouldn't have broken up with me! you liar! "

No one breaks up with you if you if that person still really loves you, they just don't let you go and hurt you like that. That's not LOVE!