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justcurious55 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:18 PM

If you said nc you have to stick to it. You can block him or just ignore him. Or sign off chat.

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:22 PM

He's the one that wanted to take time apart. Why is he talking to me?

justcurious55 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:25 PM

Who knows. Why are you wasting your time trying to figure it out? It's not fair for you to have him saying one day he wants time apart and then the next im'ing you. You shouldn't have to waste time in limbo. He's either with you or he's not. Don't let him do that back and forth game.

HotPotato2009 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:26 PM

What does NC mean?

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:28 PM

No contact.

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:29 PM

I understand where you're coming from justcurious55. But according to your post, I've already F&*Ked up. We've been doing the back and forth thing for 6.5 years, lol.

Is it just me or is almost everyone on this forum a little bit jaded?

kctiger · Jul 22, 2009, 12:30 PM

So "go offline" and think nothing of it... don't turn it into a bigger deal than it should be. You see how much confusion has already been created.

And no, I am anything but jaded. Just try to clear confusion and make things a bit more realistic, as an objective person.

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2009, 12:33 PM

I'd leave it at 'Hi." Delete him from your Facebook chat and any other means he may have of contacting you.

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2009, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by JAMMA25

He's the one that wanted to take time apart. Why is he talking to me?

Probably trying to see if he still has you wrapped around his finger. Sorry to be so blunt but when someone contacts you out of the blue like that after dumping you, that's usually what it is.

Torrid13 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:35 PM

I had this same situation yesterday, except my NC period had been longer. Either get offline, or tell him that you're serious about this NC thing!

In fact, why do you still have him on FB? Delete/block him! It will make your life so much easier!

Here's my thread from yesterday... maybe it will help you out some.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lf-378262.html

justcurious55 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:35 PM

Just because it's happened in the past doesn't mean it has to continue. Unless you want it to. But I don't see why you would be asking questions if you wanted it to continue. I go asking questions when whatever I've been doing isn't working for me and I need a new approach.

s_cianci · Jul 22, 2009, 12:43 PM

Is it just me or is almost everyone on this forum a little bit jaded?

No, we're not jaded, just experienced. You see, we've all been there and done that, exactly as you're describing now. Unfortunately, conventional wisdom sort of teaches us to always give the benefit of the doubt. I know I used to always do that, even though it always went against my gut instinct. But time, coupled with some serious academic-like research on the subject, taught me to go with my gut instinct, period. It's really just common sense. After all, if someone breaks up with you, then calls you out of the blue a month later, do you seriously think it's because they want to get back with you? Do you really believe they've had a sudden change of heart? Especially after not having seen you for a month? Let's face it ; would you break up with somebody, then a whole month later suddenly have regrets and want to get back with them? Of course not ; if you wanted to be with them, you never would have broken up in the first place, right? A little common sense goes a long way in avoiding a lot of frustration and heartache.

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:45 PM

I chatted with him for maybe 5 minutes. He started talking about school because getting back in school was something he'd been wanting to do. When I cut the conversation short and said I had to go he started asking about the security deposit on the apartment that we just moved out of. So I told him the details on that and said I really had to go and went offline.

I miss him.

justcurious55 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:49 PM

I think you just answered your own question. He wanted to know about the security deposit.

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:50 PM

I guess I'm just not sure what it is that I want.

I love him. I would love to be with him again but I am SO tired of him getting "confused" and "afraid of commitment" and whatnot. If it's going to happen again I want it to be the real thing. At the same time, I'm only 22 years old and who knows if I'm ready for the "real thing."

We've been involved off/on for 7 years and he was my best friend before we started dating so blocking him from every form of contact seems really hateful and a little childish to me. But that's just me.

Frankly, I'm surprised he even contacted me. That's a huge change.

Torrid13 · Jul 22, 2009, 12:54 PM

Blocking someone that has REPEATEDLY hurt you is not hateful or childish at all. It's smart.

And don't be surprised he contacted you. It's hard for people that have led others on a string for so long to let go and give up power over them.

slapshot_oi · Jul 22, 2009, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by HotPotato2009

What does NC mean?

Originally Posted by JAMMA25

No contact.

Or No Control, depends on who you talk to.

Originally Posted by JAMMA25

He's the one that wanted to take time apart. Why is he talking to me?

Don't question it. Just make a decision and stick to it so he knows you mean business.

talaniman · Jul 22, 2009, 05:15 PM

Frankly, I'm surprised he even contacted me. That's a huge change.

Change?? He wanted to know if he has some cash coming. Does he?

Originally Posted by JAMMA25
He's the one that wanted to take time apart. Why is he talking to me?

Your question.

When I cut the conversation short and said I had to go he started asking about the security deposit on the apartment that we just moved out of.

Your answer.

JAMMA25 · Jul 22, 2009, 10:03 PM

Well, thing is, he already knows he's not getting any of the security deposit. I was the one who paid the first month's rent and security deposit because I had the cash up front and he paid me back by buying furniture, groceries, etc. When we talked about the security deposit the week we moved out he said that he wasn't worried about it and that I could keep it. PLUS, he never helped me clean. SO he's not getting anything.

He ended that part of the conversation with "Well, I guess I just wanted to make sure the landlord knew where to send it."

JAMMA25 · Jul 24, 2009, 05:28 PM

Resuming NC. I guess this makes it day 2 instead of day 9?

The Incubus concert we were planning on going to was last night. He went with a bunch of our friends. I stayed home and had my own private concert.

It does get better with every day but I just have this feeling that the next time I see him all of the old feelings are going to come flooding back.

I hope he was at the concert and every song reminded him of me.