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beyourownpet · Jul 10, 2009, 12:52 PM

It's day one of NC for me. After reading and re reading other people's stories, I finally got it through my thick skull, how unhealthy the whole ordeal has been on me.
I've deleted her phone number, I do still have it on a piece of paper, it's in a box in the garage with all her letters and belongings. I'm not going on Facebook etc for a few months. All my close friends have my number so they can contact me via that.
It's really hard still. My close friend told me to keep remembering how she hurt me.
1. I got dumped by letter
2. She doesn't contact me on my birthday.
3.She then tells me a couple of days later that she was sorry and took all my presents back (who tells someone, this?)
4. she tells me she wants to see me, then says she is and idiot, then does contact me for a few days.
5.She tells me all her work problems and then tells me I'm the only one who understands.

I'm living with the consequences of my actions. I pushed her away when I was hurt. She ended it and couldn't cope but still wants me to be there or not there. It's on her rules.
She has to live with the consequences of her actions. NO ME.
It's Friday night and I'm sitting watching movies, Sad I know. I just need to have a weekend of alone time and then it's time to face the world. Plan university etc.
I guess I just need some advice on NC, Does it get any better? I just need some positive words, to keep me on track, I guess.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by beyourownpet

Does it get any better?

Of course, time heals all wounds. The reason you don't see yourself progressing is because you are thinking way to far ahead. One day at a time.

Confidence don't't come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions.

Repeat this phrase and BELIEVE IT

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions but accepting my imperfections as a perfect part of living. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we are human, and sometimes it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today

beyourownpet · Jul 10, 2009, 01:10 PM

Thank you. I have written it down and will repeat it until I believe it. The next couple of days will be tough but I am a strong person and will come out of this a better person.

jolienoire · Jul 10, 2009, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by beyourownpet

Thankyou. I have written it down and will repeat it until i believe it. The next couple of days will be tough but i am a strong person and will come out of this a better person.

You will, I've been where you are, Guess what, I survived!!
Everyone healing process is different. But it has to get better, there is no other choice accept no other choice.

beyourownpet · Jul 12, 2009, 04:34 AM

Day three of no contact. I've been having trouble sleeping. I feel typing it all here, will get it off my chest. I've exasperated my friends, too much already. The past couple of nights I've been dreaming of her. I awake to realise she's not here and I feel like I'm back to square one. I tell myself in the dreams if only I could see her, then she'll look into my eyes and fall back into my arms. I know this won't happen, Not the falling back into my arms bit. That is why she won't come to see me. She said that is what would happen. I can't go see her to talk, she lives 36 miles away. She has to want to see me, even though she does want to, she won't. I think that is why I'm dreaming about her. I feel so lost. NC is still being applied.

beyourownpet · Jul 17, 2009, 09:40 AM

Keeping no contact has been difficult and has been broken, a few times. She instigated them and I stupidly thought this was progress.
She told me she wants to see me but she's just got a promotion and has been at work non stop. She wants to see me for more than just an hour so is that a good sign? Another message said she is scared to see me because she'll want me, kiss me and then get hurt again. Is there anything I can say or do to show her I've changed? I have changed for me, showing her will be difficult because we are 36 miles away. Am I still in denile? I text her today saying; 'do you want to come see me next week or the week after, no pressure, I'm not going to beg or try to kiss you. I just need closure?' but she hasn't replied. She was the one who told me not to cut her out of my life. I am just been eased out of her life or is she just working through things? She told me she loves and misses me, again. Then, if this is true. Why won't she work through it with me?

COCADA · Jul 17, 2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by beyourownpet

Keeping no contact has been difficult and has been broken, a few times. She instigated them and i stupidly thought this was progress.
She told me she wants to see me but she's just got a promotion and has been at work non stop. She wants to see me for more than just an hour so is that a good sign? Another message said she is scared to see me because she'll want me, kiss me and then get hurt again. Is there anything i can say or do to show her i've changed? I have changed for me, showing her will be difficult because we are 36 miles away. Am i still in denile? I text her today saying; 'do you want to come see me next week or the week after, no pressure, i'm not going to beg or try to kiss you. i just need closure?' but she hasn't replied. She was the one who told me not to cut her out of my life. I am just been eased out of her life or is she just working through things? She told me she loves and misses me, again. then, if this is true. Why won't she work throught it with me?

I went through this same situation, My ex kept telling me the same thing after he broke up with me , that he loved me with all his heart, but that our relationship wouldn't work because he is really busy at school and working, we lived 40 miles away form each other as well, he said it wasn't the time to be together, I was xtremly confused, how can someone tell you that he/she still loves you deeply but don't even want to TRY to make it work? To give us a chance again? Actually, I asked him that, and I got the same answer "it wont work, but I don't want to lose you, I can't imagine myself growing old with you" but still no intentions on trying to make our relationship work NOW, not in the FUTURE. You have no idea how much pain I felt every time he told me that, pain and anger, because he wasn't even trying, he was just stringing me to him, which I hated because that continuous "I love you's" kept me attached to him, making it so freakin hard to let go of him.. I realized that his supposed "love" wasn't honest, I've always thought , still do, that when someone REALLY TRULY LOVES YOU they WILL do or at least try to do anything in their power to keep you, if they don't they DO NOT LOVE YOU, as simple as that. Would you guys agree with this?

beyourownpet · Jul 19, 2009, 03:00 PM

I know you're right. It's just that we talked tonight. She asked me about how work was going, we chatted as we used to. She even said to me to have a good day, tomorrow. She is in love with me and I am in love with her. I hurt her and she is scared. I can't tell her that I've turned my life around and got help and become positive because she won't believe me. I'd have to prove it. By doing that I'd have to see her. Do I ask her to see me or do I wait until she wants to? She said she wants to come see me or was she lying? I'm having a really tough time doing NC. Is there any other way?

talaniman · Jul 19, 2009, 06:34 PM

I'm having a really tough time doing NC.

You haven't done no contact.

Is there any other way?

Easier way to do what?

beyourownpet · Jul 20, 2009, 03:45 AM

I've had to re read all the posts that I had written down. I didin't make sense. I guess I'm prolonging the outcome. I didn't send the letter, I never told her I wanted to try again, my pride got in the way and I was too weak to keep no contact in case I hurt her feelings. What about mine?
I don't know why I'm keeping the spark alive in my head. I'm a romantic fantisist with so much to learn in life.

beyourownpet · Jul 26, 2009, 11:31 AM

Your posts were merged to save the confusion and keep the whole story in one place.

I was dumped two months ago. It was because I kept pushing her away and she couldn't take it anymore and I broke her heart. We didn't go NC, we've been talking and getting on really well. I asked her on Friday if I could take her out on a date. She replied; 'That made me giggle, I think I can do that!'. I asked her when she is free, she replied; 'I'm not sure, I haven't got my rota's yet'. That was a few days ago and still no word. Is she really interested or am I being played?

Torrid13 · Jul 26, 2009, 12:01 PM

It's very hard to tell. She might be scared that you'll hurt her again. Not enough information to really be able to tell.

In any case, if she doesn't respond in the next few days, call her up. She may have not gotten back to you yet because she's waiting to see if she'll be available, and doesn't want to make definitive plans until then.

Take a deep breath, and chill.

beyourownpet · Jul 26, 2009, 12:07 PM

I just didn't want to seem needy and desperate, I'm confused to why she'd agree.

Torrid13 · Jul 26, 2009, 12:13 PM

She agreed because she wants to go on a date with you and perhaps wants to try your relationship again.

Don't get your hopes too high, but it's a positive sign when someone says "yes" to a dating invitation.

beyourownpet · Jul 26, 2009, 12:20 PM

I know it's a positive sign but I'm just a little worried.
I don't know how to take it. I'm happy she agreed but this non contact for a couple of days makes me think she may have regretted saying it.

Torrid13 · Jul 26, 2009, 12:23 PM

You're playing the waiting game right now. I don't really know what else to say except wait it out. Or, call her in a few days and see if the date's still on.

It's better to know than to be left hanging.

beyourownpet · Jul 26, 2009, 12:25 PM

Thanks, for your thoughts.
I'm in a weird position. I guess I should contact her and find out either way.

makapuu · Jul 26, 2009, 07:22 PM

This all sounds confusing. You say you were dumped, but it sounds like you pushed her away. Now you are chasing her.

It sounds like you two are good friends that can't figure out if you want a deeper relationship. I'd say stick with the friendship and stop trying to ask her out as if it's a date.

chuff · Jul 26, 2009, 08:41 PM

What is a rota?

beyourownpet · Jul 28, 2009, 10:57 PM

It's a schedule for work.
Her mum had a scare of swine flu. She's had to have time off work and has to make it up. She is very busy. Now she isn't sure whether she should go on one. Basically ignoring me.
I guess I'm just going to leave it now. I guess I am bothering her.