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trejek1721 · Jun 24, 2008, 06:29 PM

So my girlfriend and I have had a wonderful relationship for some time... we never fought we got a long real well and never had any problems. Suddenly on Sunday of this week she tells me that being in a relationship for her is far too stressful right now because she is doing some school work right now and if she doesn't succeed in these classes her parent's won't let her attend the main campus come this fall semester, which has been going on for some time so I know it's true. She says she simply needs space and that she was constantly thinking of me and it was becoming too much of a distraction but she would like to remain friends until fall, and then she would consider getting back together once the issue is worked out. So... simple question, should I contact her after her classes and let her have her space or try to keep in touch with her? I honestly don't think she would lie to me about something like this in the ways of seeing someone else, but our separation was somewhat mutual because I want her to do well in school but at the same time the creeping feeling of being rejected by someone whom you take almost all your classes with fall semester is slowly creeping up my back. I don't believe she's ever lied to me and we've had a very good relationship but I'm just in one hell of a predicament here and need some help of any kind.

Thanks

ylaira · Jun 24, 2008, 06:40 PM

Im honestly surprise hearing a girl asking for space unlessits bored. Okay,dude..Just give her the space- she needs it and you love her. Yes, no contact and be busy urself: get into sports, hang out with friends, find a new activity, watch movies, do household chores, write a novel, just anything that would take ur mind off from her so u wont kill urself thinking about her. As you said she will not lie to you so just hold on to that faith that she will call u eventually.

confused1145 · Jun 24, 2008, 09:58 PM

Wait until she works through this issue and then try to contact her.

ISneezeFunny · Jun 24, 2008, 10:01 PM

The whole "I need space" thing... happens way too often.

Not to be a downer, but it seems like she's just looking to break up with you, just trying to ease you into it. I suggest giving her the space she wants, give her the time off, and just focus on yourself right now. She'll come back to you if she's "worked it out."

Wondergirl · Jun 24, 2008, 10:16 PM

Originally Posted by trejek1721

she tells me that being in a relationship for her is far too stressful right now because she is doing some school work right now and if she doesn't succeed in these classes her parent's won't let her attend the main campus come this fall semester

I've been that girl. She's using her parents as an excuse to break off your relationship. We do that in other places in our lives. My boss at work tells us, if we want to get away from a talkative library patron, just tell him "my boss will fire me if she catches me not working". If a kid doesn't want to go to Billy's house, he says his mom won't let him go. It's nicer that way, softer, less offensive, an easy let-down.

Get busy with life, with gusto and excitement--sports, reading, crossword puzzles, hanging out with friends, chores at home, baking cookies, cutting the elderly neighbor's grass, shopping for new school clothes, playing with the dog, etc.

Don't pursue her. If she's still interested in you once she's reached her goal, she will seek you out. But maybe by then you won't care very much.

I'm betting she won't come back. I didn't.

trejek1721 · Jun 24, 2008, 10:25 PM

I don't believe she is using her parent's because her parent's are extremely controlling people, she is 19 and they control almost everything she does. They pay for her college and they tell her what she needs to do to be able to go back doing what she enjoys, dumb I know but that's how it is. Have to look at it from my point of view too, we live 80 some miles away from each other during the summer. I don't think her intentions are to be mean in anyway it's just she has to do well in these courses or her parent's will not let her go to the main campus in the semester... no offense to the repliers but I'm pretty sure I know her parent's far better than you :p

ISneezeFunny · Jun 24, 2008, 10:28 PM

It may be, and I'm not saying that it's not a possibility, but what I'm saying is that we've ALLL been there. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard some guy talk about how his girlfriend suddenly "needs space" and "needs time for family and to work on her classwork"... then suddenly, fast forward 2 weeks, she's with a new guy, then I wouldn't need a day job.

Again, I'm not saying this to bring you down, simply saying this so that you're not shocked later on.

I truly wish you the best. But the best advice I got for you is to move on with your own life. Don't wait for anything. Follow the wise words of wondergirl.

trejek1721 · Jun 24, 2008, 10:32 PM

Well uh... shes sort of in 7/9 of my classes so I don't think I'm concerned about her coming back either eheh it's more about starting it up again. She isn't a very social person and doesn't have many friends because she's afraid of rejection. Actually her past relationship was because of boredom, if she was bored I'm sure she would tell me too... she never had a problem telling it before.

***ALSO***

I guess I should have clarified it a bit more clearly, she didn't necessarily need space, but she said she simply can't commit to a relationship right now it's too stressful since the negativity of the classes will slowly be her downfall if she doesn't do well.

Wondergirl · Jun 24, 2008, 10:49 PM

Originally Posted by trejek1721

I don't believe she is using her parent's because her parent's are extremely controlling people, she is 19 and they control almost everything she does. They pay for her college and they tell her what she needs to do to be able to go back doing what she enjoys, dumb I know but thats how it is. Have to look at it from my point of view too, we live 80 some miles away from each other during the summer. I don't think her intentions are to be mean in anyway it's just she has to do well in these courses or her parent's will not let her go to the main campus in the semester...no offense to the repliers but I'm pretty sure I know her parent's far better than you :p

My parents were very controlling people too. And I was quiet and a pleaser. It was easier to go with their flow than to do what my heart told me to do, and by the time I went with their flow, it seemed like it was my own idea all along.

You don't know what else her parents are telling her. Apparently, they think the two of you spend too much time together in person or on the phone or texting or all of that. If they are going to pay for her college education (like mine did for me), she will be under their influence and "their thumb" for quite a while yet.

I'm sure she doesn't intend to be mean. That's why she's telling you the way she is. She hasn't told you, "I'm sick of you. Leave me alone." Like I said in my other post, I'm betting she's letting you down easy.

trejek1721 · Jun 24, 2008, 10:50 PM

She's also told me that her parent's will never control who she sees, their words mean nothing in that respect

Wondergirl · Jun 24, 2008, 10:51 PM

Originally Posted by trejek1721

she didn't necessarily need space, but she said she simply can't commit to a relationship right now it's too stressful

That's called "needing space."

ylaira · Jun 24, 2008, 11:37 PM

U never fight, never had any problems, well that sounds a little boring.

talaniman · Jun 28, 2008, 12:57 PM

but she said she simply can't commit to a relationship right now it's too stressful

Sounds like a big kiss off to me but I could be wrong.

Either way give her what she asked for, and see how she does with school, and don't call her she will call you. If not we were all right, so be prepared for the end.