[karmafish]

This is the core of what it is all about. Relationships should enrich and empower you, they should provide you with the opportunity for laughter, happiness, joy and growth.

When it is clear they they provide you with much less, and they begin to destroy and disempower you - then it's time to call it quits.

I sincerely hope that you are able to see this experience for the lesson that it is and find the happiness that you crave and deserve.

Thank you for your support from "Down Under" (which sounds weird but you get it). Lived in Sydney a long time ago for 8 years. Will update tomorrow.

[karmafish]

Well we met and I basically told her that I can't do this anymore and that I wanted to end it. The whole thing lasted for several hours and there was a lot of crying involved. Towards the end she asked me if she really thought I could imagine being with another woman down the line and growing old with somebody else and I had a sudden feeling that I was trying to break up with her but not really wanting to do this. She asked to give it another try and I told her that this feeling of dis-trust can't go on forever and she said lets spend the summer together and see what happens. So I am going with that now. I am still having my moments of anger and I am trying to suppress them sometimes and sometimes I talk to her about it. I met her family and they seem to be very good people.

I kind of saw myself being in a rush to come to an understanding about the whole thing and I thought, why the rush, I should just spend the summer with her and see if any of the trust really comes back. I know this whole lying and deceit has changed the way I feel for her and I can never get back to that pure and romantic state of mind and clarity I had at the beginning. I shall wait and see what happens and will pray that I don't get another heartbreak.

[talaniman]

If you go forward, eyes open, and be really honest with yourself, and her. Just as she must change, so to do you have to know when, and how to adjust to them.

I don't agree with your choice, but respect it, and really hope it works like you want it to.

Talaniman Rule- Anytime you interact with a fellow human being, there is a chance for heartbreak. How you handle it, is what counts.

[karmafish]

Summer has gone by and we still had our ups and downs pretty much. We had some arguments and once almost broke up. I don't even fully remember the reason but it was still based on the continuing distrust I have for her; the trust issue I thought we were "working on".

Towards the end of summer I asked to see her divorce papers while chilling at her house because in the past she had told me I could look at them. Turns out she got divorced later than what she had told me and I asked her about when she started seeing her "boyfriend" that she went on that trip with after we started seeing each other and then she gave me a story. I kind of listened and got a little upset that I was listening to a totally different story again but tried not to dwell on it because I was and am still trying to find a peaceful place for myself. Maybe it's because I'm thick headed or that kind of stuff just hits me a few days later I realized that what she told me was another bunch of crap.

We just went on another vacation for 2-3 days and her kid came with us again. We had a good time but I was finding myself staring at the ceiling while in bed with her and realizing that something was just bothering me and I new that she was still lying and even though it was about some screwed up detail about her past the fact that she still was lying was bugging the hell out of me. After all does it really matter after all we have gone through that she is lying about a detail or something major? The fact that she was lying on purpose was what mattered.

When I try to look at me as a 3rd person I see myself changed into this guy who is obsessing about details of my girlfriends past. I do not want to be this person. The way things happened; i.e. my finding out that she had a huge relationship after her marriage that she never told me about and lied about even before I asked her anything, and my finding out about her trip overseas to meet her ex-boyfriend with her kid after she started seeing me, has turned this whole thing into... "ok so you did all that crap and lied to me so tell me what really happened" and she just preferred to lie to me again and again at the expense of my feelings, my own family and friends kind of getting worried about me, me probably losing money on my own business because I had to concentrate on her fruckups and her own sons well being.

3 nights ago in her bed I told her what was bothering me. I said you told me about your whole divorce story and meeting your boyfriend but what you told me doesn't add up for x,y,z reason. Then she told me another version and while telling it she was saying something and contradicting herself 30 seconds later. I think at this moment she is just terrified of me.

I left that morning telling her that if this is the final story it is really frucked up because she made us and the people around us go through all this pain and drama for a truth that wasn't worth the secret, or that she is still hiding something that could maybe justify the pain that we are going through.

I didn't see her last weekend and stayed at a friend's house. I wasn't accepting her calls and she came ringing the door at me friends and I came outside and told her to go away. Tonight she is bringing my stuff to my place and I have already put her stuff in a small bag. I think this is it. All through summer until now the trust issue hasn't changed much so I guess we are finally calling it quits.

[amicon]

Good decision lies-no trust-too much drama-not a happy relationship.
I suggest after all this you go no contact to help you get over breaking up with her and get your life back on track again.

[karmafish]

Broke up. Told her not to call me or see me again, that it is better for both of us and that we are just feeding each others misery and making it bigger and that we have to be good for ourselves to be good for each other. After a lot of begging and crying I had to tell her to leave. Now starts the difficult part I guess.

[amicon]

Stay nc,stay strong and actively work on getting past this. Make sure you make plans every day to keep yourself going and keep in mind that you've made the right decision.
There are no shortcuts but the choice is between a straight path to healing and a longer winding one.