This is going to be a terribly long story... sorry
I have been going out with a woman for the past 6 months now and until 1.5 months ago I was thinking that she just might be the person I was looking for in this life, a true soul mate a true love.
We met at the beginning of this year at a party and it all started there. She had been divorced for about 7 years and has a kid. At the party without me even asking she told me that she had been without a man for so long and that she was feeling ready to go into a relationship with someone since her kid was old enough now to understand her having a boyfriend etc. She told me that she had not been with a man after she was divorced and when I asked her if she hadn’t even liked anyone she told me that she may have had a crush on a few men but she was working so hard and trying to get a life and education for her kid that she just didn’t have a relationship. When I asked why it didn’t work out with the guys she had a crush on she just told me the circumstances weren’t right and that they were either married or she was just too shy to reveal her feelings. I didn’t think much about it since we had just met and it was just causal talk with me telling her about my own divorce. I separated from my wife 1 year ago and legally got divorced 7 months ago.
1 month after we met and started dating and having great sex she went on an overseas trip with her son that they had planned before we met. We were texting each other and calling each other throughout their trip and I really did miss her. After another 2 months or so she went with her son to another country to see a family they had met in their first trip. All was cool and we were falling for each other quite deeply until the end of last April.
During the whole time I was getting along with her 13 year old son pretty well so we decided to get out of town and spend some time together over an extended weekend. During our short holiday I had check us all in at the reception and got hold of her passport which she would never show me (because she thought she looked ugly in her picture) and learnt she had lied to me about her age by two years. When I asked her she told me that every girl lies about her age which can happen of course so I didn’t take it seriously. But I did get this feeling of uneasiness and while still there we had a talk about being honest and I asked her if there was anything else I needed to know about her and she said no. That uneasy feeling I had about her probably also came with me reading between the lines and unconsciously finding inconsistencies about her story. During the trip she logged into her email from my pocket phone. The next day at work while scrolling back on the pages of my phones internet I got to her email page and found an email she wrote to a friend about a past relationship she had with a guy and that she was crying while she was writing the email and that she was still coping with the loss and letting go of a relationship she had invested so much time and heart into. This of course came as a shock to me because we were 4 months into our relationship and she was crying over the loss of an ex so I immediately called her to confront and she burst out crying that she didn’t want to tell me about it because she was ashamed of the whole story of this guy and that he was older and that they used each other for matters of convenience and that being older at 62 years old he was impotent and that they would only have oral sex and they went out for 7 years!! The email however did bear a lot of feeling which didn't quite match a relationship where both were using each other. I was pissed off and extremely mad and yelled at her for being dishonest about something that I initially didn’t ask her anyway and questioned her about how I would trust her again. We saw each other and I asked for the whole story and went home in anger not believing she was telling me the whole thing. Then she calls me back to give me some more details after telling me that she told me everything. They had split up before we met and this guy had been asking for the money he had spent on her and she was too scared to tell he parents about the whole thing so she had been sending money back to this guy. After a lot of crying and shouting and sex we were back on track but I still had this strange feeling about her and would ask about details sometimes which meant we started having some uncomfortable time together. She gave me a lot of details about what had happened but every time she told me something I would notice she lied to me the last time she told me about it. I asked to see all those emails because I had only seen a few but she told me she erased them all and it proved to be true when she showed me. She even gave me her email password so I could check but there was nothing left to look at anyway.
Early this month when a friend was showing me how to use Facebook I tried using her email password and her deactivated Facebook popped up. I was extremely shocked to find out that she had gone on the first trip overseas with her ex(?) older boyfriend one month into our relationship!! She told me all crying and sobbing that nothing happened and that it was planned way before and she didn’t want him to come but he came anyway and she needed to see him to end it and that she also wanted to give him his money back. He stayed in a different room and they didn’t see each other after the first 2 days. Then I start going crazy and get to call the hotel they stayed in overseas and learn they stayed together for 2 weeks. After I tell her that they I learnt that they were together she told me something new (after swearing on her sons life that there was nothing more)... about a terrible fight where she had to kick him out of the apartment and her son saw everything happening and she is all tears crying her guts out telling me that they were scared he was going to hurt them and she just gave him the money and he stayed in a different room after the first night. She didn't want to tell me this because it was all too ugly and she thought I couldn't handle it. She swears they do not contact each other any more and instead of being 62 he really was 57… another lie “to make me feel good”.
The revelation of this whole story happened in a matter of 1.5 months and I remember begging her to tell me the truth all along and she lied about it for 2 months until now. She tells me that I know everything now and that there is nothing else and I kind of believe her. There were sooo many lies prior to the last story that I can't list here. She is telling me now that she would never do it again and that she fu**ed up and wants me to forgive her for causing all this pain to me and her family.
But now I am left with a huge trust issue and I am obsessing about the whole thing and I am on a true rollercoaster of feelings when its one day great and the next day I remember something about her lies and deception and I get all angry furious and make her sad too. I am here loving somebody who lied to me in our moments of opening up to each other until recently and now I don’t know if she’s telling me the truth about anything. I don’t know how I will get over this because normally I would have dumped her immediately but now I am too deeply in love to let her go and I am making myself believe that we might work it out. I feel after learning all this she is not the person she made me believe she was... I am very lost and confused :(
