Check out some similar questions!

Eliza1229 · Jan 2, 2009, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You really have no say in matters. You just hand him the phone and let him deal with her. Realize he choose you over her and it is obvious why. When the baby is born he can file for joint custody and visitation rigthts. He can also set up where she drop off and pick up the kids off for visitation at a public place and he can have a family member designated to do this for him. He can file for a Protection from Abuse that would prohibit her from even calling. She would not even be allowed to leave messages for him nor could he leave messages for her. Any communication would have to be through a third party about the kids and legal matters ONLY. Such as doctor appts, missing visits, etc... No personal messages!

Also I know what you are saying. But I've not only dealt with bm's and over the top crazy ones. Which I later learned it's because of the devastation my man caused them. Nevertheless, although I got restraining orders. She made things financially hard for us, she followed him from work and found out where we lived, and damaged my car in broad day light. She did a lot of crazy things that I couldn't prove. If someone is that crazy, it is not that simple. She made false police reports against him, builiding a case until she was able to convince the judge that he was crazy and abusive and he could not get joint custody.

Anyway the particular situation we are responding to sounds to me like he and his bm are still sleeping together.

N0help4u · Jan 2, 2009, 06:36 PM

Yes they can make it hard and even impossible so she has to know where things stand with them, where she stands, if the relationship is worth it, etc... the answer is not always run because it worked for you.

Eliza1229 · Jan 2, 2009, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You really have no say in matters. You just hand him the phone and let him deal with her. Realize he choose you over her and it is obvious why. When the baby is born he can file for joint custody and visitation rigthts. He can also set up where she drop off and pick up the kids off for visitation at a public place and he can have a family member designated to do this for him. He can file for a Protection from Abuse that would prohibit her from even calling. She would not even be allowed to leave messages for him nor could he leave messages for her. Any communication would have to be through a third party about the kids and legal matters ONLY. Such as doctor appts, missing visits, etc... No personal messages!

I do appologize if you thought I misunderstood. Your answer is not wrong and you are right it can work. I just elaborated on the original post. We sometimes as women spend energy trying to figure out how to deal with the bm when it's not just her alone. We need to consider the strong possibility that is leading his bm around. In one situation I was in I was asking my friends and family how to deal with the crazy bm only to find out, yea she was crazy but he was still sleeping with her. Just food for thought. I say its not worth the headaches, no migranes.

N0help4u · Jan 3, 2009, 07:28 AM

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

Eliza1229 · Jan 4, 2009, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

I agree but again I beg the question is it worth it? I'm not going to care if she's in jail, if I'm dead. Or worst say she blow torches my face and now I've got to walk around like that for the rest of my life and now he doesn't even want me. What's that movie the Elizabeth______ story she killed her x-husbands wife and him. We'll if you think it's worth it, but I've seen too much and done too much in the past to people and I'm just being realistic. I wouldn't do any of the things I've done in the past but when you are young you think you are invicible and depending on the area you live in, people tend to get away with things. However, you should take action and not run scared but you really got to evalute your relationship. Like what if you have kids with that man and she pretends like everythings fine and does something to your baby, it's been know to happen.

N0help4u · Jan 4, 2009, 04:26 PM

You may not care but then you are not thinking about his next victim(s)
She or he can do something bad to your kids regardless if you have a PFA or not.

Eliza1229 · Jan 4, 2009, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Oh BTW the reason a PFA is good is that it makes you credible in court usually. Like you tell the Judge that you are afraid of him and the Judge says where is your PFA and you don't have one the Judge can think you are crying the blues to make him look bad.
If you have a PFA the Judge will take what you say more seriously.
Plus if they do seriously hurt you or even kill you it can mean more jail time for them.

You probably will think this is childish, because it is, but just consider this. 11 years ago I was 19 and I had done some pretty serious stuff. The individual got a ppo/restraining order against me. I laughed and made up a bunch of stuff and got one against her and filed an appeal to withdraw hers which I knew would call for a court day. We went to court and we were both facing the judge. Who's side do you think the judge took? She was nasty to both of us but she allowed both ppo's to stand. The girl was mad. No one wants a ppo on their record. Getting a restraining order is not exclusive knowledge, people know how to play with the system. Than I went downstairs and got 3 ppo's against her family members just to pist them off and screw them up and they starting stressing her out to the point that put it this way it went my way. I only wanted to prove a point, A ppo is good to have in order to prove that you have taken steps before an incident occurs and yes it demonstrates harassment. You can get a ppo against the man at the gas station just know his name, you don't have to prove anything. Just consider that every crazy person is no dummy and believe me when I tell you, a person can make your life hell and cause ireversible damages without killing you, that's extream. I know from expereince not from hear say or a wild guess. Another dumb thing I did. My ex married a women and they separated. We were together and than he started sleeping with both of us again. I got her out the picture because I knew where to attack. Stress her family the hell out and other things I can't say. Oh boy the I did I'm sort of ashamed, but it worked. I'm just saying this to say that if someone really wants you out of the picture their strategic ways to do it and prove that it was me harassing you. There are people out here who are a bit insane and educated. My brother/attorney had a case were a girl did some pretty serious things to a women, reasonable doubt He got her off.

Eliza1229 · Jan 4, 2009, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You may not care but then you are not thinking about his next victim(s)
She or he can do something bad to your kids regardless if you have a PFA or not.

Exactly, so why stay around and wait for something to happen. In the name of love for a man. I grew up and learned who was important. I love me and my children more than some man? Tell me why you think leaving is not the answer.

N0help4u · Jan 4, 2009, 04:43 PM

She has to make that decision, she knows the circumstances better than we do. I am not saying she should not leave. I am saying she has to evaluate her situation and where she sees things going.
Everybody's situation can not be a cookie cut answer. Just because something went bad for you doesn't mean her relationship can not work out.

babymama2 · Sep 8, 2010, 10:43 AM

Yeah me and my best friend are dating bestfriends and they are both expecting baby's from other girls. We love are boyfriends and love are relationships but there's only two little problems and that's their baby mamas, they threatin them saying they can't see their baby's and its really ing everything up. Their trying to control their lives and me and amanda are getting frustrated.