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Wildcat21 · Sep 13, 2006, 03:09 PM

You just don't get it. And you're adding nothing.

K_3 · Sep 13, 2006, 04:00 PM

If she is going through a grieving process, the last thing she needs is for you to back off and quit calling. That is telling her that if she is not always bubbly and happy and attending to your needs you are going to back off. The answer to every problem in life is not always to quit calling and wait for them to call you back. There are other reasons a person needs some quiet time. YES, IF the reason is because the person is coming on too strong, but I strongly suggest doing what I said in my earlier post. IF she is not grieving it is a different story. First, communicate and find out.

s_cianci · Sep 13, 2006, 04:30 PM

It sounds like you need to give her some space here. Perhaps you've been too needy, too clingy, maybe without even realizing it. Take a break for a while. Lay low, don't call her and do things you enjoy with other people or by yourself. Date some other women. Let her miss you for a while ; then she might come around again.

s_cianci · Sep 13, 2006, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by ernesto25

I kinda feel like an ******* because we were arguing yesterday about us. Do you think she will dump me because of us arguing over us? I am very lost. I just fell in love with her to much. I also show her how much I love her and I also tell her. Could she be taking advantage of the situation>?

Yes - I think she is.

s_cianci · Sep 13, 2006, 04:39 PM

Folks, I think we're putting way too much emphasis on her bereavement here. This was an uncle who died, not a father or brother. Unless she was extraordinarily close to this one particular uncle his death really is not going to impact her that much. Let's not turn it into a red herring. I've certainly lost my share of aunts and uncles over the years. While sad, it certainly isn't catastrophic and doesn't impact my relationships with those who are truly close to me. I think we're going to lead this guy astray if we keep emphasizing her uncle's death as a mitigating factor because, frankly, I just don't see that.

Skell · Sep 13, 2006, 05:03 PM

I agree with cianci here.
I think you need to give her a little space.. I really do.
I also had a girlfriend who went through a heap of trauma. Lost brother, lost father. And yes you need to be there for them but you also need to let them come to you. If they want you and need you then they will come. If they need a little space then they will indicate that to you. I think she is indicating this to you here.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. But right now, whether it is her uncle, or just her, she is inidcating the need for space.

I have been through this with a girlfriend. Don't completely shut her out. NO WAY! No one is saying that. But by your own admission you are very smothering. You can't be this. And women certainly feel smothered very easily.

So slow down a little and when you are with her please be the fun guy. Like you were when you met. Make her laugh, make her enjoy her time with you. She doesn't want to talk relationship all the time. She wants to laugh and have fun when she is with you. And she doesn't need to be told that you love her all the time. She KNOWS! The best way to show her you love her is by having great times with her. So lighten up when your with her and enjoy it. Its meant to be FUN!!

JoeCanada76 · Sep 13, 2006, 05:40 PM

You know what you should do. Next time you are talking to her. Face to face of course. You just tell her that you love her and care for her and that you will be there for her whenever she needs you. Whenever you want to open up, whenever you want to talk to me and share your thoughts with me. Let me know. Communication is important and if she is cutting it off, that is not a good sign and will not help the relationship and you always pushing her and asking her and smoothering her. In your own way, you are pushing her away. You need to do your best to keep the lines of communication open and let her come to you. Like others have said lighten up and have some fun, if it gets way to serious, your slowly going to push her away.

Cassie · Sep 13, 2006, 10:08 PM

It is difficult to know what the answer would be when no one knows what her problem is. To get angry because someone has a different take on the situation is unfair. My aunt was like my second mother and when she died it was very difficult for me. I do not think you can judge anothers feeling of loss by how you felt when you lost someone. I think K_3 was right on when she said he needs to talk to her, and see what the real problem is. It is not always about the other person in the relationship. A person can be sad and need space without it having to do with your b/f or g/f smothering you. Why do you automatically think she is lying when she said nothing is wrong and she loves him and wants to be with him? This is just my take on things. There is always different reasons and approaches to issues.

mysticque · Sep 13, 2006, 10:14 PM

Oh thank god. At least someone else think the say way I do. For once I thought I was so different

chuff · Sep 14, 2006, 02:22 AM

Ernesto,

Call her once a day and talk to her for 10 minutes only. If you sense she wants to talk more let it happen. If not hang up. Secondly, may I suggest saying something to her like, "I know you've been having a rough time lately, and I'd like to take you to the local comedy club next Saturday for some laughts." If she accepts be a complete gentleman and don't push her. Don't bring up sex or even try to kiss her. Sometimes in a relationship you need a friend and not a lover. Reach out to her as friend only at this time. If you doe she will love you more down the road.

Krs · Sep 14, 2006, 02:33 AM

Its never good to assume what the problem is.
Assuming is the brother of all f**k ups.

Best way to go about this is to ask her directly in a well said manner.

ernesto25 · Sep 14, 2006, 06:12 AM

Thanks to all for your advise. I had a very big talk with her last night and realized that what has been bothering her is that I am 2 inches shorter than her. 3 weeks ago I took her to Mexico for a vacation and while she was looking at pics, her dad kept making stupid comments on how short I am compaired to her. She admitted that that is what was bothering her and she also admitted that she has a bad habit of judging very serious what other people think about her. It's like she never cared until someone brought it up to her attention. It kind of sucks that she judges me and also cares too much of what people think about her. I mean I am even thinking about moving in with this girl but if she is going to care about what other people think about her then I don't think she is ready to take a step further with me or loves me like she says she does. Should I let it bother me or should I just let go and see what happens?

talaniman · Sep 14, 2006, 07:30 AM

Seems as though you already know what to do. Back up a bit and see what happens with this relationship. Moving in until her issues are solved would be a mistake from reading this whole thread you should be trying to put more balance into this as you seem to be pushing and she is moving away. Slow this train down some and let her get a better handle on her feeling and I know you are so in love that you may be coming on too strong so back up and take care of the other things in your life that are important to you. You may have put too much emphasis on being with her especially since she has a problem with what other people say, not too good at this point. Let her come to you more, if she doesn't then you'll know you love her more than she loves you. Relationships should be equal.

s_cianci · Sep 14, 2006, 06:38 PM

Well, if she seriously has a hangup about something so trite as the fact that you're two inches shorter that her and she allows herself to be that swayed by other peoples' opinions, then I'd run from her like the plague! Frankly I still don't think that you're getting the true story as this is just too ridiculous. The fact that she can't talk about what's really on her mind is another red flag in itself. Frankly I'd forget about this one and move on.

chuff · Sep 15, 2006, 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by ernesto25

I had a very big talk with her last night and realized that what has been bothering her is that i am 2 inches shorter than her. 3 weeks ago i took her to Mexico for a vacation and while she was looking at pics, her dad kept making stupid comments on how short I am compaired to her. She admitted that that is what was bothering her and she also admitted that she has a bad habit of judging very serious what other people think about her.

Ernesto, I'm sorry to have to say this because I as I read your original post I assumed that she was just going through the loss of a relative. After reading that she says her ongoing problems with you is your height I realize she's trying to distance herself from you. That height thing is a cop out excuse, and a weak one at that. I get the feeling your also holding some things back because to have a problem go from a relative dying to my dad made fun of you because your shorter than me is from one extreme to another. Please back away from this girl now.

Wildcat21 · Sep 15, 2006, 10:30 AM

That what we call an alibi. WHY all the serious talks now? You should have pulled back. Me thinks you have put way too much pressure on her. You're supposed to be the fun guy. You're supposed to keep this light and easy.

I think you're insecure about her. Not good.

Be the fun guy only. NO serious questions anymore.

kadd0007 · Sep 15, 2006, 12:30 PM

HEY ERNASTO,

I am reading your thread and it touched me in a way I could relate, as the rest of people on this forum know, I was envolved in a relationship not too long ago that had some confusion about a death in the family as well.

In my case she was cheating =( I am not saying that's what she is doing in your case, however the story is still fishy. But if the real reason she has been distant is because you are 2 inches shorter than you then that's just shallow.

You don't want someone you is going to judge you like that, trust me after having my heart broken, the next person who I am going to fall for will love for for who I am and what I am no matter what.

Like most of the people on here said give her space and brace for the worst, and tell her that she has to take you how you are and if not its her loss, you seem like a great guy, work on that =)

Krs · Sep 18, 2006, 01:00 AM

Very shallow of her to worry just because you are 2inches shorter... so bl**dy what, it proves how materialistic she is!

BIM · Sep 18, 2006, 10:58 AM

After all of this - and her problem isn't her uncle at all! Your 2 inches shorter:cool: WOW! I shake my head in shame for her.

I feel all of your questions have been answered at this point.:(

momincali · Sep 18, 2006, 11:25 AM

Ernesto,
I know how much you said you loved this girl, but after finding out that she was willing to push you away simply because her ignorant father teased her for your shortness, do you still feel the same for her? This is just a little taste of what you can expect if you were to move in with her, let alone, marry her. She will walk around punishing you for this and that, thinking its something bad you did, when it was only trivial little stuff like the height thing.

I think that unless she can prove to you that she is truly a woman of substance, than you need to keep your distance from her. She is still showing huge signs of immaturity and lack of consideration. Leave her alone, get busy with things that are really important in life and in the meantime, if she decides that she can't be without you, let her come to you and prove it. Words mean nothing, actions mean everything. She needs to have courage enough to shut people up who make stupid comments like her dad did. She needs to stick up for you and your relationship.