Hi all. I am going through a very hard time right now in my relationship with my girl friend. A week ago, I sense that there are some changes going on by my partner. She is not as sexual as she was, her attitude has changed, she is always telling me that she is tired, and she tries to avoid conversations with me. Her uncle just passed away and in the funeral she was completely ignoring me like if I was not there. She introduced me as her boyfriend but did not talk to me as much. I have asked her if she is unhappy and she keeps telling me no.. her only response is that she loves me and wants to be with me. To stop doubting her and not to ask her any more questions. I just do not understand the sudden change? Is it just me or could it be that she does not want to be with me no more and she does not find a way of telling me? If that is the case why would she keep telling me that she loves me and to stop doubting her? Should I not call her at all and let her call me? Please help! I am very confused and have no one to talk to.

Can I ask...
How did her uncle die?
And
How close was she to him?

He died of cancer. I really do not know how close she was to him. But she started being a little distant 1 week before.

So then why don't you ask her?
When you say 1 week, 1 week before what, before he died, when they were told he has cancer?

Seems to me like she is grieving his loss. When women deal with grief when we mourn for a deceased loved one, sex is the last thing on our mind.

No it was one week before he died. They knew he had cancer over a year ago. Every time I call her she seems annoyed by me. What do I do? I am in need of help and I do not have no one to talk to.. Could her feelings towards me have changed? If that's the case, why would she tell me to be patient with her and that she wants to be with me and that she loves me.

Im not a physic but I really do think this has to do with the death of her uncle and she started being cold with you 1 week before he died is because she knew he was dying.

I know through experience. When it happened to me, I shut down completely I didn't even calculate my husbands presence around me.

Be patient with her, she is telling you she loves you and she wants you.

Instead of worrying about you, think of her, she is going through a rough stage in her life, I don't know if you have ever been through what she is going through although men do deal with these things very different to how women do.

Take her out for a meal and talk to her, not about your relationship, ask her about how she is feeling, ask her about her uncle, show her your sympathy.

I kind of feel like an ******* because we were arguing yesterday about us. Do you think she will dump me because of us arguing over us? I am very lost. I just fell in love with her too much. I also show her how much I love her and I also tell her. Could she be taking advantage of the situation>?

Have you been together long?
How old are you both?

Take my advice of taking out for a meal...
Ask her about her uncle and how she is feeling and let her do all the talking.

10 months. But we knew each other for 6 months before. We are both 27. I will take your advice. Should I not call her as much? Shoould I also not tell her I love you too much? Should I back off?

How much is too much thou?

She needs you at a time like this but she is definitley confused and hurt for what has happened.
You should have asked her about her uncle, I could be wrong but I think she is acting this way because of his illness and her loss.

I always tell her that I love her, I am very affectionate with her, I am always there for her and I just take care of her. I am just very insecure. I guess because I just love her too much. Should I back off or just be my normal self?

Don't be insecure.
Nobody likes to be with someone who is insecure.
Show her how sure of yourself you are and keep telling her you love her.

Loving her so much shouldn't be reason of your insecurities.

Call her, and suggest dinner.
See how it goes from there ;)

If she says she is tired, she may just be that, tired. When you loose someone there are feelings you have to deal with. When you talk, listen to her words and believe her. Do not try to read something into them. Realize, it is not all about you. Often times one gets caught up in thinking if the other person is sad or angry or lost, it has to do with them. No, it has to do with her. She is feeling low right now. Send her some flowers, take her to lunch and do not dwell on your relationship. Show her you care and be the strong one. Give her energy, do not take more from her by asking her over and over if anything is wrong. She told you no, believe her. Tell her the truth. Say, I get a little worried when you withdraw because I love you so much, so I am sorry for overreacting. I know you have been through a big loss in your life and it takes time to heal. You know I am here for you if there is anything I can do, please let me.

I am the kind of person when something bad happens, I have to have space and quiet time to think it over. When my mother passed away I felt I was going to pass out because some would hover over me saying wonderful things to me. They meant well, but it was too much. One of my daughters sat by me and held my hand very quietly and that was the comfort I needed. Just be there for her quietly, a smile, holding her hand and letting her feel but not being alone. Do you understand? Everyone grieves differently.

I would say back off and give her some space. No one likes a guy that they feel like is hanging on them. Letting someone you know that you love them is one thing, but constantly saying it takes the meaning away. Let her greive and she will come around if it is meant to be. It sounds to me you are being a little paranoid.

Ernesto my man... give this women some SPACE!! Immediately. QUIT calling her - let her call you. Pull back... your pushing things in a very difficult time - and yes - IF you don't pull back she WILL DUMP you.

For the love of god - go do other things.

QUIT asking relationship questions - that's a woman's job. Seriously. You come across as way insecure and needy.

I promise if you back off a bit and leave her alone - she WILL come flying back.

BUT, if you keep calling all the time - she will AND IS become annoyed with you - bad stuff.

WHY on earth are yo ucalling her all the time = needy and insecure.

I know from experience, if you keep hounding this gal, she will run like the wind.

You are coming across as needy and clingy. Let her come to you a little. You can still be concerned... but not asking all the time if everything between the two of you is OK.

Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yucky.

Wooh... I'm not so sure how to react how this thread has gone to a complete destructive approach. Well I'm not saying that you would consider what everyone is saying I'm sure you already know how to treat this kind of situation but you just need basic guidelines to make sure you will be handling this appropriately. I've lived with men before, in a relationship. Few men to be exact. And I've lived with girls that have had same issues, roommates. She just probably need a little distance as some of here have said. But completely shutting down your door is not going to help it either. Surely she needs your understanding at this time. Death of someone close to you is a really big loss and it's hard to absorb things like that. I don't know how close she is with her uncle but it might have played a big role how your relationship has gone downward. Perhaps she's trying to avoid you because you constantly asking her to make love with you which is probably causing her much more distress. She just need sympathy at this time. You can't just keep bugging her with your demands. Anyway give her some support.

No - we never said stop all communication - this guy is probably driving her crazy.

He just needs to give her space right now. I am quite ssure he is smothering her.

I never said quit or stop. This guy is coming on too strong - where did I ever say quit or stop. You don't quite get it.

He needs to pull back - ne busy doing other things. I am quite sure he calls her 3 or 4 times a day. All he needs to do is let her contact him for a while.

But I doubt he gets that either - it takes afew heartaches.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Ernesto my man.....give this women some SPACE!!!! Immediately. QUIT calling her - let her call you. Pull back.....your pushing things in a very difficult time - and yes - IF you don't pull back she WILL DUMP you.

For the love of god - go do other things.

QUIT asking relationship questions - that's a woman's job. Seriously. You come across as way insecure and needy.

I promise if you back off a bit and leave her alone - she WILL come flying back.

BUT, if you keep calling all the time - she will AND IS become annoyed with you - bad stuff.

WHY on earth are yo ucalling her all the time = needy and insecure.

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FYI