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makapuu · Mar 27, 2009, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by ONLYHERETOHELP

Can you kindly inform me what your definition of 'fighting' is? Chasing after something that doesn't want to be caught?

I don't know that the author meant by "fighting". Regardless, it seems like one person in the "fight" is trying harder than the other to keep the relationship going.

I like the NO CONTACT approach. I remember one of my difficult break-ups. I had a comfortable life with a rich older boyfriend, and then it was suddenly over and I was in a panic. He was upset with me, and I was a confused crying mess, so the no-contact was easy. After I came to my senses, I realized that I was in a passion-less relationship and that money does not buy love. I'm glad I gave up on money, so that I could find true love.

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 11:45 AM

If you feel like you are going to have regrets, then you should keep trying.

I believe that most of the pain comes from regrets. It's easier to get over someone when you feel like you've tried your best.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2009, 05:46 PM

Trying your best to change someone's mind, is like running head first into a brick wall. And it does hurt!!

teastalk · Mar 27, 2009, 10:17 PM

What do you mean by "your best"? Writing an email to them or calling them describing just how much you love them?

I can see both sides of this issue, but if the other person isn't willing to work with you... there is no point in fighting...

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by teastalk

What do you mean by "your best"? Writing an email to them or calling them describing just how much you love them?

I can see both sides of this issue, but if the other person isn't willing to work with you... there is no point in fighting...

Here's an example.

When you are trying to win someone back, you don't dig up the past and say: "I should have done or I should have done that." = Regrets

Instead, you move forward and say: "I should try this or I should try that." When the person makes it clear that you have no chance to be with them or get back with them, then you STOP. At which point you will know that you tried your best.

But... if you don't "try" and just leave it alone. Then you will continue to wonder... "what if i did this or did that." = Regrets

It's painful to fail, but the pain is amplified if you have regrets.

NudeHemp · Mar 27, 2009, 10:36 PM

Yea if the break up is fresh, there are a lot of feelings, I agree totally with that. And if it is true love, and you can actually feel it . Then yea fight for it. Love is free in terms of money, but you can always get more money. But love isn't free in time an dits hard to find love. So if you have found it, hold on to it, and never let it go. Everyone needs love. It's the human nature.. if you can find someone to put al of it into. You feel whole. You want that feeling I'm sure. Nut to have asked this question there had to been a problem or mental questioning... whats the dealio?

teastalk · Mar 27, 2009, 10:41 PM

So it sounds like you're saying that if you guys never did anything besides watching movies and you think you guys should have gone out and done other things... then you should ask your ex to go out and do something different with you, like bumper cars or rollercoasters?

hornistAdam · Mar 27, 2009, 10:47 PM

As you guys have seen with my recent question, it really depends on the situation. And as talaniman stated, if your partner isn't willing, then what's the point?

The fact is, you can't make someone love you. If there's love there, there's potential for it to happen. But even then, the conditions have to be right. Mutual love might not even be enough.

Nestorian · Mar 27, 2009, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

basically im just curious because there are lots of people that believes that there is a time to let go and move on with your life but is there anyone who believes that love will make them fight for the very end? and why?

For me even though i still have feelings for my ex it havent been the same lately and i believe maybe its time to let go at first i felt like i was willing to do anything to keep her but the more time i spent away from her the more worthless i see it is... I guess love blinds you neh?

It depends on the nature of thet situation you are in. Depends on the kind of love, who you are, who the other person is, so on and so on...

The vary Idea of love has changed, in many ways, and in many cultures. Who really knows what love is? And if you do know what love is then what is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE? Logically, people can not "love" one another unconditionally, because that would mean they have no reason to love the person, they simply do. As soon as a person gave any reason as to why they love some one, then they are conditionally in love. Then again, if that condition changed, and they stayed together then... Maybe... then it would be unconditional love... It seems there is always a reason though, even if it's just to honor what they once had...

I wish I could believe that love was stay till the end, and less of this whole sleeping around buissness. Don't get me worng, sex is fun and all, but it seems like people are getting a little over carried away with it. Kind of makes me wonder if "True Love" exsists. If we aren't happy, we leave and few indeed work on the relation ship. Then there are the people who stay because they love some one, but the some one cheats on them every other weekend.:rolleyes: There is so many reasons and circomstances (did I spell that right? :rolleyes:) that need to be looked at. I think people need to slow down on the whole idea of indulging, and getting what we want. Some times it's better to just wait, and live your life for you. Keeping in mind that's easier said than done, eh?

So to answer your questions, it all depends. Take it as it comes, and if it's time then take the time to reflect upon yourself, apparnetly it takes one year for your body to finnish dealing with stress, so take the year and get to know/ love/ respect/ understand yourself, as well as forgive yourself. To jump into something is just foolish, but we all do it, so yep forgive ourselves for that too is a good idea.

Janmarie · Mar 28, 2009, 12:28 AM

What I would do is take this time and reevaluate if this is true love. And make sure you understand what "true love" really is and that this person feels the same way about you. If you are not clear on this then don't do anything at all and maybe walking away from it is your best bet for yourself. Make sure that you are not in a state of desperation or think that this other person is "the one true love." You shouldn't have to fight for it.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2009, 07:00 AM

You shouldn't have to fight for it

The word fight, I think is the wrong way to describe it. Working together, would be better. One person working is not enough.

I wish · Mar 28, 2009, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The word fight, I think is the wrong way to describe it. Working together, would be better. One person working is nor enough.

I think fight is when we have adversity and we have to overcome it. There's no adversity here. You take action to increase your chances of getting a favorable outcome, while keeping in mind that anything you do might not change the other person's mind.

Or... you just give up without even trying.

Nestorian · Mar 28, 2009, 01:44 PM

"There are no right or wrongs, there is no good or bad, there is only possibility." - Me

It's a paradox or so I figure. The right and wrong, good and bad ideas are just that possibilities, therefor there are only possibilites. WE decide eather or not something is or is not good or bad, etc. So you have to look deep within and decide is the love you have with a person growing in a way you want, or are you in a stage of falling apart. Every one does go through the falling apart, but the ones who stay together, they know who they love and what it means, so they continuew to work with them to acive their goals...

MiSSsy111222 · Mar 28, 2009, 01:57 PM

I actually thought fighting for love was the solution. The real solution to which I was blinded by was to just let go. Because even though I loved him, the reality was it was not working.

My ex stated to me that he loved me but we should "fight against it"because we couldn't make the relationship work, he also said "sometimes when we have something good we should let it go".

Now thinking back he was right, at the time I would have done anything to make it work. I think it depends on the relationship. HOw compatible you are together, I also think if children are involved then you should try to fight to make it work.

none12345 · Mar 28, 2009, 05:36 PM

Would you guys fight for unrequited love, a lost love? How far would you go? When is it time to let go and move on? When should you fight till the very end?

Nestorian · Mar 28, 2009, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

Would you guys fight for unrequited love, a lost love? How far would you go? When is it time to let go and move on? when should you fight till the very end?

I'll say, let go, if they fly back then they are your's to be with, but if not it was not meant to be. Move on and focuse on yourself, and not this idea of love. Funny thing about love is the more you look for it, the farther you get from it. Love is one of those things that happens when you are happy as you are, and then find some one who is happy to be happy with you too. It just happens, but if you don't know who you are, or love yourself, forgive yourself, then how can you know you are in love.

IF you have to fight for it, it's not love, that's lust. Or as I have learned. I fought for my first love and got my heart stomped. I've learned that I need to be kind to my needs as well as others, but if I'm not happy, how can any one be happy with me.

It is up to you to decide, but Becareful what you give up, for you may end up resenting them for it. Even though they didn't make you do it, you choose to do it. Just be mindful of your needs too, and I don't mean being with them, that's the blind part.

Also, Love is like a drug, it's bin compared to Crack.:eek: Yes, Actually. What happens is while you are with a parnter, you get a sudden rush, or feelings of euphoria (very decieving, if you don't keep your wits.) caused by the chemical responses in your brain. I think it's serotonin, or endorphines, no both. They make you feel good and happy, while you and this person are together. Now when you split, it's like taking away all those Happy feelings and repacing them with emptyness. No one likes to feel sad, or empty so that's why a lot of people keep getting together again and again. Mind you there are other reasons. Any who, the idea that Love and crack are similar is because the same chemical respons that is in love is also what we experience when we do crack. Though I'm sure crack is a lot more intense and has various other chemicals in it. But when you take some one's crack away, they become aggitated, aggressive and will do just about anything for that "high". But if you don't give them any and you keep them restrained till they get pretty clean, then they go into depression. The same is for love.

SOme times, the best way to keep the one's we love is to let them go, and rediscover who we are...

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 28, 2009, 07:22 PM

I think we should not let go, if we have a gut feeling they might come back. Sometimes people need to go see if the grass is greener, then if they realize they had something good and rare, they will come back and want it back and will do a lot of effort to win you back. If they love you and you love them, that means overcoming their ego and doing the steps to come back together.
Unfortunately we do not know how much time it takes and eventually we have to decide if we going to keep waiting or meet someone new and forget it and close the door. I know it was easier for me to wait when I was in my twenties, since I had a lot of time ahead of me, but now being in the mid thirties, time is more precious and won't wait too long.

none12345 · Mar 28, 2009, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Nestorian

I'll say, let go, if they fly back then they are your's to be with, but if not it was not ment to be. Move on and focuse on yourself, and not this idea of love. Funny thing about love is the more you look for it, the farther you get from it. Love is one of those things that happens when you are happy as you are, and then find some one who is happy to be happy with you too. It just happens, but if you don't know who you are, or love yourself, forgive yourself, then how can you know you are in love.

IF you have to fight for it, it's not love, thats lust. or as I have learned. I fought for my first love and got my heart stomped. I've learned that i need to be kind to my needs as well as others, but if I'm not happy, how can any one be happy with me.

It is up to you to decide, but Becareful what you give up, for you may end up resenting them for it. Even though they didn't make you do it, you choose to do it. Just be mindful of your needs too, and I don't mean being with them, thats the blind part.

Also, Love is like a drug, it's bin compared to Crack.:eek: Yes, Actually. What happens is while you are with a parnter, you get a sudden rush, or feelings of euphoria (very decieving, if you don't keep your wits.) caused by the chemical responses in your brain. I think it's serotonin, or endorphines, no both. They make you feel good and happy, while you and this person are together. Now when you split, it's like taking away all those Happy feelings and repacing them with emptyness. No one likes to feel sad, or empty so thats why a lot of people keep getting together again and agian. Mind you there are other reasons. Any who, the idea that Love and crack are similar is because the same chemical respons that is in love is also what we expierence when we do crack. Though i'm sure crack is a lot more intense and has various other chemicals in it. But when you take some one's crack away, they become aggitated, agressive adn will do just about anything for that "high". But if you dont give them any and you keep them restrained till they get pretty clean, then they go into depression. The same is for love.

SOme times, the best way to keep the one's we love is to let them go, and rediscover who we are...

For me I see it as that I want to fight for her but at some times I feel like there is no point anymore. But at some times I am going to fight for the very end for my first love. I feel like if I don't try my best I will end up regretting. Right now I am taking some time away from here to get my head on straight before I can make a deccision of fighting for her or letting her go.

hcoluver · Mar 28, 2009, 08:16 PM

YES! Def! Love is def worth fighting for!

talaniman · Mar 28, 2009, 08:19 PM

Would you guys fight for unrequited love, a lost love?

Ain't that much love in the world worth my dignity and self respect, that I would pursue someone who has dumped me and left me empty.

The sooner you can accept they don't feel the same, and heal the hole in your soul, and get happy with who you are, the sooner you will attract some one to share that happiness with.

I can understand all the feelings that false hope brings, and know as a fact in my life, that there are many options and opportunities out there, but you have to be healthy enough to see them, and not waste time on what ifs.

If they love you and you love them, that means overcoming their ego and doing the steps to come back together.

That's all well and good, but only applies to those that are willing to work together. Being dumped by your partner, is all the proof you need that they were unwilling, or unable to work with you to solve your problems to the benefit of you both. No biggie, because you will understand why they have a change of heart when you experience it yourself.

Its also been my experience through No Contact and healing, most people have moved on and found a better love than they had, and see no reason to go back. Strange but true.

That's why I thank all the females who dumped me, for whatever reason, because I eventually found the one who was willing to work through all the tribulations life throws at us.

Unfortunately, you can't see that far ahead, nor can you see clearly, because your emotions are blinded by a lot of shock, fear, and sense of loss, which is normal, but miserable. Don't worry, it gets better.

The moral of this long rant is, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find one who turns into your dream come true. So pucker up, and don't worry about what ifs, and maybes, reality and good health is all you need. (and a strong set of lips).