[valinors_sorrow]

See my comment "Clearly, hitting should not be an option for either." And it's not just where YOU come from that it's a crime.

My point was that while the man was clearly wrong for hitting the woman, a woman also has responsibilities to not take advantage of a situation by doing something she does not want done to her. He was not wrong to hit her simply because he is a man and she is a woman. He's wrong because he hit someone...anyone. What I was saying as complicated was the question of a woman hitting a man first. Why is she protected because "she's a girl", and he's not protected at all? Is he supposed to just take the assault? I'm thinking that he should just walk away, but is that always possible?

Obviously, we could go round and round and I'm sure I could never really convey my thoughts properly.

I'll say again...NO ONE SHOULD HIT ANYONE.

Thanx for not attacking my thoughts, even though you disagreed strongly.
Arlene

I said "where I come from" because there are posts from people all over the world here Arlene and who knows what culture it may be legal to hit a woman. Truly.

And I didn't disagree with your premise, I just thought the way you postured it was a bit strange... you clearly invited a "blasting" having posted something a bit risky but now it seems I have offended with a little humor?

Forgive me.

[arlenem]

what is the goldne rule you are talking of??

The golden rule i know is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

but i dont see your point about hitting each other. Neither party is innocent in this situation, but what he did was a crime. HE HIT HER!!

Enough said. no matter what the provacation he should never have hit her.

And yes you are right. Nor should she hit him. This is also abuse.

Bit confused here!

Ah, someone sees my point! You're not confused on what I said. I'm trying to convey that if she had hit him, it would also be a crime. It's not a crime only because he's a man who hit a woman. It's a crime because he's a person who hit a person!

As for the golden rule, I meant only that if I don't want folks to hit me, I don't hit them. I won't go so far as to say that after he hit her, she should hit him, because that would only have made matters worse. Oversimplified, but still true.

Maybe what I was thinking to begin with was just to wonder if the post had been written by a woman who hit a man, would you all have been so angry?

Thanks for not attacking my thoughts,
Arlene

I said "where I come from" because there are posts from people all over the world here Arlene and who knows what culture it may be legal to hit a woman. Truly.

And I didn't disagree with your premise, I just thought the way you postured it was a bit strange... you clearly invited a "blasting" having posted something a bit risky but now it seems I have offended with a little humor?

Forgive me.

No forgiveness needed... I'm not offended anymore. :D As soon as I hit send, I said to myself "Aw, they didn't mean that like I took it!" I owe an apology too.

Actually, I was hoping for a spirited discussion, and I got one. Maybe I lied when I said I didn't want to stir the pot. :)

Yes, I should have warned everyone that I have a bad habit of typing my thoughts at a mile a minute, they make sense to me, and they are perceived in a different matter than intended. I'll blanket apologize for that now, and every time I commit that craziness.

Thanks again for not attacking. I'm happy that you understood most of what I said and agreed with my "premise". I have a huge pet peeve of folks who hide behind the opposite of something wrong. In this case, my thoughts ran to "if she hit him first, would she be pardoned because of her gender?"

Hope I haven't offended anyone, that is NOT my intention.
Arlene

[valinors_sorrow]

Maybe what I was thinking to begin with was just to wonder if the post had been written by a woman who hit a man, would you all have been so angry?

If it makes any difference now, I can assure you I would have been just as forthright calling it out as wrong and I have yet to be angered by anything in this thread.

LOL Apology accepted and maybe next time you won't drive down the middle of the street, eh grasshopper? We are pretty good at the direct approach here... at least I think we are, shrugs? And welcome, if its not too late for that--always room for another spirited discussioner here!

[arlenem]

If it makes any difference now, I can assure you I would have been just as forthright calling it out as wrong and I have yet to be angered by anything in this thread.

LOL Apology accepted and maybe next time you won't drive down the middle of the street, eh grasshopper?

Naw, I love to straddle that double solid yellow line... but next time I'll try to be a bit more circumspect, eh, Sensai? :p

Huggz,
Arlene

Val,

You've given me the best welcome ever. An honest discussion without BS and sprinkled with understanding and humor. I think I'm going to like it here!

Off to bed with me now... talk more tomorrow.

Arlene

[Krs]

I don't agree with a man raising his hands on a women.. NO WAY.
But in this instance I get the feeling that she really instigated it.. which doesn't suppress what he did but that's how I see it.
She is mean.

[s_cianci]

See my comment "Clearly, hitting should not be an option for either." And it's not just where YOU come from that it's a crime.

My point was that while the man was clearly wrong for hitting the woman, a woman also has responsibilities to not take advantage of a situation by doing something she does not want done to her. He was not wrong to hit her simply because he is a man and she is a woman. He's wrong because he hit someone...anyone. What I was saying as complicated was the question of a woman hitting a man first. Why is she protected because "she's a girl", and he's not protected at all? Is he supposed to just take the assault? I'm thinking that he should just walk away, but is that always possible?

Obviously, we could go round and round and I'm sure I could never really convey my thoughts properly.



I'll say again...NO ONE SHOULD HIT ANYONE.

Thanx for not attacking my thoughts, even though you disagreed strongly.
Arlene

Actually you did convey your thoughts properly and they are exactly right. We tend to adhere to a double standard where the issue of abuse between two people in a relationship is concerned, however dysfunctional such a relationship may be. We tend to tolerate abuse dished out by the woman but when a man does it we are all over him like flies on sh_t. Granted abuse may take on predominantly different forms when perpetrated by males and females, whereas men tend to be more physically abusive and women tend to be more verbally/emotionally abusive. However, abuse is still abuse and is never acceptable. Legally speaking, when labeling it a "crime", it is true that the authorities and the courts will take physical abuse more seriously than verbal/emotional abuse. That's because physical abuse is easier to prove, since it leaves visible marks and can be more readily verified in doctor's reports, etc. Cases of verbal/emotional abuse, unless actually recorded, tend to be more based on hearsay and a "he said, she said" dynamic. This is really impossible to substantiate to the extent necessary to satisfy any legal requirements so the legal system simply doesn't deal with it. During my bachelor years I had several "relationships" with women who were very verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Fortunately I never lost my temper to the point of hitting them, although the temptation was certainly there, trust me. Ultimately I walked away, which is what anyone experiencing any form of abuse whatsoever needs to do. Walk away and stay away for good. If necessary, change your phone number, e-mail address, even your address. You don't necessarily have to move across the country ; often the other end of town is sufficient. Just make sure the person doesn't ever learn of your new whereabouts. You can also get a restraining order to boot but until the courts start enforcing them more aggressively they're usually not worth the paper they're written on.

[talaniman]

Any abuse verbal/physical is not what a healthy relationship is about period. Run don't walk, away as far as you have to.

[wadiok]

[QUOTE=wadiok]My name is Duncan I am 21 years old and my girlfriend is 25 kathleen things happen yesterday night when we were arguing! Actually yesterday I pretty much loss my job! She is a pretty bossy and aggressive type person who easily triggers my emotions she is truly always emotion and cry herself and say I am wrong always! She doesn't write me in her diary, she doesn't tell her friends that I am her boyfriend or her family doesn't know! She doesn't tell me who her friends are that is what I am so pysche up about! But she is perfect she considers me but not always she consider herself more and her money more than me! Whenever I want to tell her something she will automactically say it is my own problem and I am a man and I should fix my own problem! She is the aggressive bossy type! But that is not always the case But is it bz of age or what! I did something I shouldn't have done yesteday by hitting her when she tick me off! Now she says she is scared of me and ignore my calls! And say I lose her already she will never come back! What can I do? I truly love her and don't want to lose her!

SOMEHOW THIS IS NOW OCT 11 AND WE BEEN BACK TOGETHER SINCE Sept 11 and I have changed a lot everybody thank you for your care you are right I am seeking a lot of counciling and changing for the one I love most! :D CHEERS EVERYONE AND MANY THANKS

[LUNAGODDESS]

Do I need to count how many doesn't are in your ask... too many... you have answered your question... so now... got up... shake off the dust and pinch your shirt and move on dude... you are young and the adventures of other women with their issues awakes you big man... move on... OK, You are still in love with the woman that you were once attracted to... she changed... there is too much drama her... are you afraid of looking for another... move on... get a good nights sleep...

[dancingtwins]

In my opinion once you hit a woman you can't go back. I too came from very abusive relationships and the thing you need to learn right now is YOU NEVER HIT A WOMAN... If you loved her and respected her and wanted to be with her you would have never hit her in the first place.. period
Move on because she has.

[Wildcat21]

Yeah I forgot this joker hit her. There's no way they are together.

He needs to go to counseling. I fear he will hit her again.

Wish we could go find Kathleen and warn her.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - your not together - you haven't been together - leave her alone!!

[hola123]

My name is Duncan I am 21 years old and my gf is 25 kathleen things happen yesterday night when we were arguing! actually yesterday I pretty much loss my job! She is a pretty bossy and aggressive type person who easily triggers my emotions she is truly always emotion and cry herself and say I am wrong always! She doesn't write me in her diary, she doesn't tell her friends that I am her bf or her family doesn't know! she doesn't tell me who her friends are that is what I am so pysche up about! but she is perfect she considers me but not always she consider herself more and her money more than me! Whenever I want to tell her something she will automactically say it is my own problem and I am a man and I should fix my own problem! she is the aggressive bossy type! But that is not always the case But is it bz of age or what! I did something I shouldn't have done yesteday by hitting her when she tick me off! now she says she is scared of me and ignore my calls! And say I lose her already she will never come back! What can I do? I truly love her and don't want to lose her!

Ho man... Don't discourage yourself yet. Some women look strong from the outside but may suffer from some inside needs. Try to get self confidence and be positive, concentrate on you, expose that self confidence and stop asking her questions. She may be missing a partner's strength on which she needs to rely on.