My name is Duncan I am 21 years old and my girlfriend is 25 kathleen things happen yesterday night when we were arguing! Actually yesterday I pretty much loss my job! She is a pretty bossy and aggressive type person who easily triggers my emotions she is truly always emotion and cry herself and say I am wrong always! She doesn't write me in her diary, she doesn't tell her friends that I am her boyfriend or her family doesn't know! She doesn't tell me who her friends are that is what I am so pysche up about! But she is perfect she considers me but not always she consider herself more and her money more than me! Whenever I want to tell her something she will automactically say it is my own problem and I am a man and I should fix my own problem! She is the aggressive bossy type! But that is not always the case But is it bz of age or what! I did something I shouldn't have done yesteday by hitting her when she tick me off! Now she says she is scared of me and ignore my calls! And say I lose her already she will never come back! What can I do? I truly love her and don't want to lose her!

Sorry guy, but you hit her!!

Plain and simple... I would never go back either.

BTW, she does not sound perfect to me. Bossy, aggressive, doesn't share you with friends or family. Total and complete red flags!!

But the result is that you hit her. That was WRONG!!

Sorry J9... I gott spread the love...

I agree 100%.

She isn't perfect and you did hurt her.

J9 has it right on.

This was a TERRIBLE relationship to begin with. First of all she did not love you. Period, end of story...

She did not respect you, and from reading this post, you did not respect you.

Never let someone treat you this way!!

Am I correct in reading that she was your boss at work? If that is the case then she did not want anyone to know about your relationship. She was also compelled to be your boss at home.

But you will learn from this. NEVER HIT A WOMAN!!

Dude - go see a counselour now. You need some help. Please dothis now.

Thia women is NEVER coming back. You hit her. It's over.

Also - you need to understand that she played you. You never cared for you. You were her toy.

LEAVE HER ALONE FOREVER.

You have issues you nedd to resolve. You hit someone. That's horrible. I doubt you would ever weant to be with someone who beat you.

This is a classic example of how the dysfunctional hook up with the dysfunctional. If you don't change who you are, that is what you get stuck with, plain and simple. Its hard to imagine how you two loved each other unless you both are willing to confuse love with tolerate. The unspoken bargain you struck is "you'll tolerate her abuse and so she should tolerate yours". Only now she has withdrawn her end of the deal! Without question, a healthy man would run from this woman. And by the same token no woman is safe with you - - and now you know it. Please do yourself a BIG favor Duncan and seek professional help immediately... just like everyone is suggesting. You do NOT have to stay stuck where you are! I know this as a fact, as a firsthand fact of someone who went from very messed up to healthy with professional help.

PS - You already lost her too.

I agree with Valinor's Sorrow here, but also had to spread some love around...

You really need to clear out your head a little bit. IE: Get help!

And what do you mean she doesn't "write you in her diary", your English is a little unclear at times. Do you mean: She doesn't make time for you OR she doesn't write about you in her personal journal.
Sounds to me like you have been seriously intruding on her privacy, if it's the second example. No wonder she gets emotional with you. You have to give people some space here, and let them have their own lives. I wouldn't be rushing to introduce anyone that possessive to my family either, they would be very upset for me!
What do you mean she considers her money more than you? This is another unclear statement. What do you expect from her? I think you have already lost her, but I DO think you need to look at what you think a relationship should be giving you. Perhaps you are asking a LOT of dedication.

This guy makes me sick - you do not have theright to hit any woman - ever!

You are sicker than you think, get help now.

You never hit a girl. No matter how angry, no matter what. As far as her behaviour she was obvously using you and does not really care for you. You say you love and care for her but you abused her. ITS OVER.

Now it is time for you to move on.

Joe

Dude, your ex sounds EXACTLY like mine. But I never HIT HER! ***? I did yell at her once. But I NEVR laid a hand on her. No matter what any woman does to you, you never touch a girl. BREAK-UP with her instead, or go see a couple's counselor.

WHAT THE HELL? YOU HIT HER! Plus, honestly, don't POST THAT ON THE INTERNET. NO ONE WILL SIDE WITH YOU, or give you any SYMPATHY. Go see a shrink, starting from yesterday.

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Originally Posted by wadiok

My name is Duncan I am 21 years old and my gf is 25 kathleen things happen yesterday night when we were arguing! actually yesterday I pretty much loss my job! She is a pretty bossy and aggressive type person who easily triggers my emotions she is truly always emotion and cry herself and say I am wrong always! She doesn't write me in her diary, she doesn't tell her friends that I am her bf or her family doesn't know! she doesn't tell me who her friends are that is what I am so pysche up about! but she is perfect she considers me but not always she consider herself more and her money more than me! Whenever I want to tell her something she will automactically say it is my own problem and I am a man and I should fix my own problem! she is the aggressive bossy type! But that is not always the case But is it bz of age or what! I did something I shouldn't have done yesteday by hitting her when she tick me off! now she says she is scared of me and ignore my calls! And say I lose her already she will never come back! What can I do? I truly love her and don't want to lose her!

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No.1 - u hit her. You have read this in previous posts, and that's not the way go about your anger when you argue with your partner.. You should seek anger management classes, from what I read I also noticed that she probably pushed you and agrivated you but you would have come out stronger if you didn't lay hands on her.

No. 2 - I wouldn't stick a relationship like this.
TWO WRONGS Don't MAKE A RIGHT... if you understand this saying properly it means that you and her are 2 wrongs... its not going to work.
She is manipulative and annoying and she is agrivating you...

Let her go.

Can I also ask.. Why do you not want to lose her?
All you explained about her are her bad points, not once you mentioned a good point or said you loved her!! :confused:

Let's put the fact that you hit her aside for the moment.

Why do you ever want her? All you described are bad qualities, heck, I wouldn't even want a girl like this. She sounds awful.

Now, let's address the hitting. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER hit a woman because you are mad at how you are being treated. You did it, so it is done, so just learn from your mistake and NEVER do it again.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

This is a classic example of how the dysfunctional hook up with the dysfunctional. If you don't change who you are, that is what you get stuck with, plain and simple.

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I've never heard that but how true are those words. A lot of people, myself included really need to think about that.

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Originally Posted by CaptainForest

Why do you ever want her? All you described are bad qualities, heck, I wouldn't even want a girl like this. She sounds awful.

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He wants her because she "fits" him! As crazy as this is going to sound, there are many many subconscious clues that go into who we select as a desired mate. The dysfunctinal, impaired, damaged, sick (whatever you want to call it) people speak a different language than the healthy ones do. They mostly seek their own kind just as healthy people do. It is a natural law that sick people and healthy people don't work out together on many many levels.

And the sick ones strike bargains with each other -- I know I did and I have seen countless others do exactly the same thing. Basically, he wants her because who else would he stand a chance with... being a hitter? And some part of him knows that... and some part of her knew it too. It really does work that way. Based on her ending it, she may be seeking improvement, he is not. If she is not, she'll probably take him back and there is how the domestic violence trap is born, folks. I can totally relate to that since I was exactly where she is at one time.

As inconceivable as this is-- I subconciously yet very deliberately sought out sick people so that I would look better in their company, so that I would have someone else to blame when it got crappy (and it always got crappy too) and so I wouldn't have to look at myself because I would be too busy looking at them and mostly because I was guaranteed to be accepted since I was (or thought I was) better than them. It was sick and so was I.

She's more than just bossy and aggressive ; she's verbally and emotionally abusive. Frankly I'd avoid her like the plague. Unfortunately, hitting her wasn't a good idea either. It truly sounds like she asked for it and I can see how the temptation would build to the point where you just feel like you have to belt her. Walking away for good would have been smart. Now you've set yourself up as the bad guy. Either way, it's not a good situation. I'd stay away from her totally and completely, for your own physical and emotional protection. Remember, abuse begets abuse. No doubt your hitting her was a manifestation of that. Stop it now before it gets any worse and you wind up in real trouble. Actually it may be kind of a wake-up call for her maybe, to reflect on how she treats people. But that is her problem, not yours and you cannot play rescuer. Work on yourself right now and be your own best friend. Do the things you enjoy. Most of all, stay away from people who set you off and that includes people who are emotionally and verbally abusive.

I don't mean to stir the pot... and I'm by no means condoning this man hitting this woman. However, think on this one...

If a woman hits a man FIRST, should she be hit back?

What I'm trying to say... and I'm a girl... is that it's a cop-out to say that I can do whatever I want to a guy because he should NEVER hit me strictly because I'm female and he's male. Clearly, hitting should not be an option for either. And this is complicated... I just think that the golden rule could apply here.

Okay, y'all can blast me now...

Thanks for listening,
Arlene

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Originally Posted by arlenem

I don't mean to stir the pot...and I'm by no means condoning this man hitting this woman. However, think on this one....

If a woman hits a man FIRST, should she be hit back?

What I'm trying to say...and I'm a girl....is that it's a cop-out to say that I can do whatever I want to a guy because he should NEVER hit me strictly because I'm female and he's male. Clearly, hitting should not be an option for either. And this is complicated...I just think that the golden rule could apply here.

Okay, y'all can blast me now...

Thanx for listening,
Arlene

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Thinks for 2.8 seconds, oh yeah... tactfully reminds you that where I come from anyone hitting anyone is a crime. Its called assault. Nothing complicated about it, Arlene.

What is the goldne rule you are talking of?

The golden rule I know is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

But I don't see your point about hitting each other. Neither party is innocent in this situation, but what he did was a crime. HE HIT HER!

Enough said. No matter what the provacation he should never have hit her.

And yes you are right. Nor should she hit him. This is also abuse.

Bit confused here!

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

Thinks for 2.8 seconds, oh yeah....tactfully reminds you that where I come from anyone hitting anyone is a crime. Its called assault. Nothing complicated about it, Arlene.

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See my comment "Clearly, hitting should not be an option for either." And it's not just where YOU come from that it's a crime.

My point was that while the man was clearly wrong for hitting the woman, a woman also has responsibilities to not take advantage of a situation by doing something she does not want done to her. He was not wrong to hit her simply because he is a man and she is a woman. He's wrong because he hit someone...anyone. What I was saying as complicated was the question of a woman hitting a man first. Why is she protected because "she's a girl", and he's not protected at all? Is he supposed to just take the assault? I'm thinking that he should just walk away, but is that always possible?

Obviously, we could go round and round and I'm sure I could never really convey my thoughts properly.

I'll say again... NO ONE SHOULD HIT ANYONE.

Thanks for not attacking my thoughts, even though you disagreed strongly.
Arlene