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Miss Helpful · Feb 25, 2009, 06:12 AM

It's like I said. Tell her this is really serious. If there are lies in your relationship with her, the chances of you not getting a divorce when are married are pretty slim. This won't work out if you don't warn her about your future together.

kirriky · Feb 25, 2009, 06:30 AM

Well, she does work and earn money, so technically speaking she didn't need to report the missing $80 to you, did she? And the $1500 she could have won, well, it'd be her money, right? I guess she's in her right not to tell you about it, presumably having some money stacked away makes one feel a little more secure. Maybe she only said that because she was mad at you for some reason.

I guess when you lose money gambling you feel so disappointed that you don't want to tell anyone. What for, to hear "How stupid of you"? She probably feels like that already. Perhaps you made a big deal out of nothing and now she feels suffocated by your questions and suspicions.

Have you had money issues before? That would explain her lying. Or it could be that it wasn't about the $80 after all.

jmw0713 · Feb 25, 2009, 06:38 AM

Dude, you have to calm down.

Do you really think she is try to put you in financial ruin after 7 years of commitment?

She was scared of how you would react to her betting money on the pool, so she lied. The changing of the PW on the HR Block account could just be a normal computer security procedure enforced by the company. I just had to change my online banking PW a few weeks ago.

You seem to be blowing little things out of proportion and over reacting, hence the reason she lie to you. She is scared of your reaction and tired of your moaning a groaning. Yes, people in a relationship NEED to be honest and communicate. Maybe when she tried to honestly communicate with you in the past, you may have over reacted. So to prevent hurting you, or making you overreact, she lies. These lies are about trivial things which makes me believe she is doing it to shield herself from your reaction.

Take sometime and get away for a little bit by doing something with family and friends that you enjoy. If you want, take her along, but leave the baggage of this mess at home.

Maybe a vacation is in order or something. Whatever you do, you both need to calm down and reconnect, so she doesn't feel bad or get scared about telling you things. That is exactly what is going on here.

If this continues... the trust will really break down(if it hasn't already) and the relationship will suffer permanent damage.

slapshot_oi · Feb 25, 2009, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by kirriky

Well, she does work and earn money, so technically speaking she didn't need to report the missing $80 to you, did she? And the $1500 she could have won, well, it'd be her money, right? I guess she's in her right not to tell you about it, presumably having some money stacked away makes one feel a little more secure. Maybe she only said that because she was mad at you for some reason.

I guess when you lose money gambling you feel so disappointed that you don't want to tell anyone. What for, to hear "How stupid of you"? She probably feels like that already. Perhaps you made a big deal out of nothing and now she feels suffocated by your questions and suspicions.

Your thoughts are logical but unrealistic.

I can't agree with that. It is her right, but it's so very unethical for her to withhold information. A relationship is teamwork and teams fail if even one person is playing for themselves and not trying to reach the common goal.

Her reaction would have been much different if she was truly disappointed. Losing $80 is not a big deal anyway, so it's definitely not about the money. She's trying to pick a fight so she can have a valid reason to be angry at him because she probably did or is doing something she's not proud of.

It's a stupid defensive mechanism and I've been guilty of it myself. Something's amiss but she doesn't have the spine to tell him what's wrong.

Some1HelpPlz · Mar 5, 2009, 12:55 PM

Well it's been a couple of weeks and we have both been willingly to work all this out.

But at the same time, I still suspect her of lying about things and I can't seem to move forward. I guess what sparked the suspicion in me now is that she is working more hours that she is getting paid for. I didn't even know about it until she brought it up. Im trying not to think too much into it, but with our history it is hard to overlook. Any thoughts

Nestorian · Mar 5, 2009, 01:35 PM

Why you say you are afraid that you will loose her, and so you feel angery, sad, scared, frustrated, confused, and so on, that is all just extierior points of interest.

Look deeper, why do you really fear losing her? Because you lover her or because you fear to be alone, or because you don't think you are worth it, or because if she does leave you it's a big blow the confidence, etc. Self intro spection is some times the best defence against self critisim, as well as how you view others. If your girl wants to leave, there is nothing you can do, but don't feel bad if you want a straight forward no BS crap answer. Ask, and be open and honest, if she tells you one thing but you suspect other wise, asker about the suspisions, but try to phrase it kindly.

Your life is yours, her life is her's nothing you or any one ever does or says will ever change that. Find out where your insecurity comes from, and takle it, over come it. Why don't you trust her, if you say you do trust her then why do you think she is not telling the truth? The past is the past, until you start to relive it. Be wery of such things, they can cause far too much damage.

I realise that may all sound very lame and criptic, so before you assume that its all dumb or foolish or unimportant, ask questions of me as to how it applies to you or how it will helps Etc. It is complicated when dealing with things such as fear, and insecurities. Also, I really don't have much info about your situation, just that you think your girl is lying to you, and it's tearing you apart inside. No?

Peace and Kindness be with you

talaniman · Mar 5, 2009, 02:25 PM

Your not over this emotionally, so be patient and give yourself more time. She may have not been completely truthful, but your still carrying this way to far, and now you have made things worse, with your reaction, and not being able to let go, and get over it.

Dragonfly1234 · Mar 7, 2009, 06:26 AM

Ok... so, why is she working more hours than she is being paid for? Did she tell you? I just find this whole thing a bit iffy...

I don't understand why she feels the need to hide things from you. How do you react when she's honest about things you don't necessarily agree with? If she doesn't fear your reaction, then what makes her compelled to lye? Something just isn't adding up. Unless maybe she's being secretive because she's throwing you a huge party and she doesn't want you to find out. Ok, I'm kidding, but you get my point.