[JDLNYC]

I went out today... walked around with the only friend I have but as the day closed I realized I would be returning to the empty home where he had already left. My friend did keep telling me (as many of you have) to leave him alone. Don't overly speak to him. To be honest... I can't imagine him moving out right now. I don't have a job and though he might still pay the rent until it runs out in May... I think being here alone... with empty spaces where his things were... would destroy me.

It's amazing how much the world and its colors change when you have this type of devastation in your life. Things outside seemed so evil and unfriendly. I'm thankful for this board... I check it all the time during the evening as everyone's words really give me strength. Saturday night is going to be awful so I'm trying to prepare myself. Too cold to go outside... I have learned one thing from this... NEVER build your entire existence around another person. No matter how much they love you and promise you... no matter how much they seem like they're forever... no one should be your world.

[talaniman]

Maybe that's why your going through this. To learn some good life lessons, and develop new skills in coping with the reality of life. That might be a painful lesson, but its not necessarily a bad thing in the log run.

You may also find your much stronger than you think. That's what I observe of you any way.

[artlady]

Honey , life is hard ,but love is so much harder.

Your smart,I can see that from your posts and you sound very nice,trust that you deserve good things and good things will happen!

It's that *secret thing*...

[JDLNYC]

Yah.. I'm developing a list of priorities right now and trying to remain focused on them... its very hard in this early stage of this loss... I don't hate him for not being in love with me. He has tried so I can't sit back and really bad mouth him or hate him. It is just ironic how someone that has given me so much safety and security can so easily take it from me. I know this says more about my life and how I've chosen to grow myself.

My priorities are: find work... get a new apartment... then start to grow friendships in this big world. I can NEVER be without a support network. I am not strong enough to do this again.

I know he should move out. Waiting here not knowing when or if he's returning leaves me even more sad. I have one friend that I would have had come over tonight but he doesn't like him and wouldn't allow him here so I just walked around with them and said good bye. I keep feeling that I have these things to learn from this break up and then my mind immediately draws me back to my ex and says "But why didn't I do these things when they were still in love with me...they may still be in love if I had" those thoughts destroy me.

I called the Prevention line again... when I returned home... he was gone.. no friends to call... I sat down and immediately my neighbor began playing loud music and I just fell apart. The people on the line are friendly and they help me through the deepest points. I know my ex isn't happy... we cried together this morning because I know he's doing what he needs to get healthy.

Nights are the hardest part... sleeping is impossible. I start to sleep and my body jerks me awake and immediately I realize the horror of my life and I cry. Guess I'm not particularly strong

[chuff]

Nights are the hardest part...sleeping is impossible. I start to sleep and my body jerks me awake and immediately I realize the horror of my life and I cry. guess I'm not particularly strong

When I've had break ups or stress in general, I can't sleep. If you can get up and go for a walk. I've gone on late night walks at all hours for 20 minutes to 2 hours and it can really clear you head out. Sitting in bed when you can't sleep only keeps you up.

On this topic, get a gym membership and absolutely burn yourself out exercising on a ellipitical or stairmaster machine. The harder you work your body, the more you start thinking about how hard you are working, and you also get into shape. Double win.

[DJ28]

JDLNYC I know its hard right now, I'm going through it also. I put so much time and effort in my ex that I don't have many friends either. I also feel so lonely. But really, getting a membership at a gym or something helps so much, and just being around people helps greatly. Today really I wanted to go up to someone at my gym and just ask if they wanted to go out tonight.

[JDLNYC]

I guess I've realized that while I'm still living here with him... I need to just stay out of his way... not engage in too much conversation and basically talk to him when he decides to talk to me. I think my going at him about the pain... looking for support from him... only makes the situation harder around here. I spent all tonight just sending resumes after I got through a bad time of loneliness. I have a gym membership and had planned to start again on Monday until my life fell apart. I guess I should still do it.

Is it natural to worry about finding a new person in the future. I am filled with fear that I won't find someone... the fear of having to go on dates... the fear of having to put myself out there... I just can't imagine doing that and it sends terror and sadness through me.

[DJ28]

JDLNYC if you need someone to talk to you can pm me or something I'm alone tonight also

[JDLNYC]

I don't know how to PM

[DJ28]

Go over my name and click it, it will say private messaging

[JDLNYC]

I don't have that option... its all right... but I'm wondering if its best to just not speak to my ex unless he speaks to me. TOday when I was trying to share my feelings with him and even trying to be in a good mood about it... he was bothered by me... he's been out all day and tonight... so I'm not sure when he'll return but I'm thinking I need to just not speak much to him anymore... so hard to do... but is that fair to do?

[DJ28]

That's tota;;y fair to do, to bad you even have to see him. If I had to see my ex everyday and the fact that she is seeing a guy now it would make me nuts. Haha even though I already feel like I'm going nuts. So when does he plan on moving in with his friend?

[DJ28]

Here try this, try going to my profile at the top of your page, then go to edit options under settings and options. Under messaging and notifications it says enable private messaging, is that clicked?

[JDLNYC]

Funny... I don't have a private message option. Perhaps because I'm a new member? It will be hard with him here... but he said he's going to be out a lot... which in some ways is much much harder... I never know when he'll come back and I still find myself working around his schedule.

I tried so hard this morning to find something in him that would tell me he still cared... and he cares.. but the kindness isn't there... almost overnite it disappeared. That is so hard to be around. I want to disappear so he has to live with his decision instead of being able to come in and find me here whenever he wants.

[DJ28]

Yeah I totally agree with it must be really hard to even see his face. Yeah I know what you mean when you try to reason even kind of beg to work things out in a relationship, its so hard when it feels like they no longer have any feelings for you anymore. Once he is gone though it will be much easier on you, are you eating at all? I know its hard for me to eat right now. But with the gym start going there tomorrow, I've been going to mine 2 times a day and it really helps to get rid of the stress, also to be around people.

[DJ28]

Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ: <u>Other Forum Features</u> click on that and you will see at the bottom enable private messaging, reason I ask is do you have msn messenger? We can talk through that it would be a lot easier. Up to you though

[DJ28]

Acutally the 2nd sentence when you click that is this (This feature may be turned off in the Profile Options. The below applies only to members who have not turned the feature off. ) click the profile options first.

[Jlesnik33]

Wow, just reading that hit me hard as if that were to happen to me I would probably feel just the way you do right now. 13 years is a really long time, a big part of your life,but not the "rest" of your life. A very very wise woman my mother who past away when I was 6 gave me a little speech( she gave me a relationship speech because she new she was going to pass away). There is a reason why people come and people go. They are there to teach you new things, find apart of you that you never knew was there, Bring out feelings that are amazing, and then bring them down and rips your heart out... which teaches you how to handle a new situation. And when they leave, don't cry, be strong, be independent. He was meant to be in your life, he changed something he must of, and you loved him, But maybe its best for you to be without him. Him leaving may be your ticket to say hey let me go out there and make some new friends now what do I have to loose. And it could be the best thing in your life. I myself do get upset. Me and my girlfriend fight all the time and when we say things we don't mean but at the time it hurts I cry and I think to myself why am I crying over somebody else when I know I love myself and if somebodies not happy with me why would I want to keep them around knowing I'm not what they are looking for, or I didn't turn out the way they thought I would, or that they could change me like they thought they could. It's a waste of time. You will feel empty because that's what you knew, But go make a new "knew" and he will be your past.

*Remember independents is very sexy on a woman*
I love you hunny feel better!

[JDLNYC]

Guess it isn't meant to be... says I don't have that user privilege. My ex just came home and I've only said hello to him. I will leave it at that and I have no plans to speak more to him. Its absolutely awful how fast love can change. Just last week I would have been part of his Saturday plans... now I am an outsider observing what he does. Is it normal to hate him?

[DJ28]

I would say it was normal, in a way I hate my ex. I'm so pissed at her right now. But again there is nothing you can really do but to just move on, and just better myself. I bet it will be nice though when he's out. I just feel really bad for you that you have to keep seeing him, that must be really tuff.