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snow124 · Apr 4, 2009, 04:42 PM

That's what all of my friends say too. I suppose I'm not really blaming myself, and I don't miss who she was for the past six months, but what we had for the two and a half years before that. I'm sad that'll never be back.

snow124 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:11 PM

She IMed me today, just about some random thing on Facebook. I briefly replied and that was the extent of the conversation.

I don't want to seem mad at her or spiteful about the breakup, but I really can't make progress while still talking to her. It hurts cause she's pretty much been my best friend for the past three years.

I'd like to still talk to her in the distant future, is that something unreasonable to hope for?

Rich11111 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:27 PM

I wouldn't call wanting to be friends in the future unreasonable,She was a huge part of your life and wanting to hang on to a small part of that is understandable. But as I said I don't think she deserves your friendship and I think that wanting to be friends after may change the way you look at this breakup and make it harder to completely get over her although it your choice to make(and hers of course)

snow124 · Apr 6, 2009, 05:31 PM

I was worried that I would be too tempted to check her myspace/facebook to see what she's doing... I'm pleasantly surprised to see that I really don't even want to.

workedtoohard · Apr 9, 2009, 06:46 PM

Dude the key is remain angry. What nerve she has, sleeping with someone else and then blaming you! Hilarious! Think of a guy doing that to a girl. American culture teaches men to treat women like princesses and that is a priveledge that must be earned.

stillfading · Apr 9, 2009, 10:04 PM

Snow, are you my twin? Check my post, I swear I am going through the SAME THING!

My girl lied about where she was staying, and turns out she moved out from me to with they guy she has been cheating.

Told me ALL the same reasons. Was insensitive, not showing enough affection, not doing enough with her.

BS, I won't feel guilty. We were honest and supportive. I think these are just ways to help them justify things that they'll always regret.

By the way, mine had a history of cheating I found out too. Same boat as you buddy. Tomorrow is day 3 of NC for me, if you need any help coping I can relate to you.

snow124 · Apr 14, 2009, 10:14 AM

Things are going all right. Last contact with her was last Monday I think when she IMed me asking if she could say hello if we saw each other at school, or if completely ignoring was the proper protocol. Told her saying hello was all right, but it's necessary for us to not talk for a very, very long time. She said she understood.

Definitely not wanting to get back with her again. I'm seeing more objectively now that I've had plenty of time to think about things. Even if the reasons she gave me for needing a break weren't just complete BS she spouted to justify to herself seeing someone else, they were mistakes I made, acknowledged, and I made it exceedingly clear they were things I would do everything in my power to improve/make up for. And that wasn't enough for her. So, I think I'm lucky that things ended for good based on her lies about money and not more lies about infidelity in the future.

Won't be ready to see anyone else for a long time, assuming that opportunity would even exist, but I'm looking forward to any future relationship with a girl that's honest and even just nice to me, as that'll be more than what I had.

snow124 · Apr 16, 2009, 06:13 PM

Finally got around to deleting her from my social networking sites. It was more depressing than I expected, especially as we were myspace friends before actually meeting through a mutual friend.

Saw her for the first time today, too, at school. Didn't speak. It was still nerve wracking being in the same room as her though.

workedtoohard · Apr 16, 2009, 07:34 PM

Girls leave when you are good to them, girls stay when you don't care.

snow124 · Apr 28, 2009, 03:32 PM

I'm a student employee at my school and just got called as tech support to a class she was in... she wasn't there, thankfully. Found out from a friend that she hasn't gone in three weeks and probably dropped it. Looks like she dropped out of school yet again after failing all but one of her classes last semester. And I don't care! It's awesome.

Realizing more and more lately how terrible she was to me. NC works wonders. I've also been exercising, seeing friends, and have generally felt relieved. Who needs deceitful, hurtful people in their lives?

workedtoohard · Apr 28, 2009, 04:10 PM

Exactly. What I like to tell people is "there is an exact twin of her out there, that isn't a crazy ".

snow124 · May 6, 2009, 07:01 AM

I am slowly getting over her. I like that I'm capable of seeing more objectively now, but along with that comes a lot of anger, resentment, and bitterness about all the things I was in denial about previously.

Like during the break, a few days before she told me she cheated on me. She was worried she was pregnant and wanted me to be there when she took the test. So, I bought the test, went over to the dive of an apartment they lived in, and she took it. It was negative, thank god, but she asked me to leave a whole ten minutes after she took it.

She's such a terrible person and I'm glad I'm no longer with her. I so didn't deserve any of the stuff she pulled after sharing three years of my life with her. I wish I was able to recognize that without feeling so bitter and angry.

I know I need to keep busy, I have a lot of downtime this week which is why I think I can't get my mind off it.

snow124 · Jul 14, 2009, 05:44 AM

Heard something recently that prompted me to post an update. My ex was kicked out of school for failing all of her courses after having been on academic probation for failing all but one the previous semester. This just reveals my lingering bitterness, I realize, but I've done a lot to let it go... I laughed when I heard that. It's not too healthy that her failings brought me joy (coupled with relief that we're split up as I'd have to help foot her student loan bills), but she's working two low-paying jobs to pay off years of her irresponsibility and I'm graduating from college debt-free in a few months. Woo.

jmooney527 · Jul 14, 2009, 06:37 AM

Congratulations... it sounds like your life is going great! It's okay to still have some lingering anger when it comes to your ex... it will fizzle out over time. Sounds like everything is working itself out and you are on your way to the rest of your life.

Keep it up!

jmw0713 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:03 AM

It's her life and she is running her show now. You're doing WAY better than her, so just keep on truckin'.

Aren't you glad that you don't have to deal with that anymore??

talaniman · Jul 14, 2009, 07:53 AM

Pray for her, she needs it it seems. That's ALL you can do.

paxe · Jul 14, 2009, 08:18 AM

He doesn't need to pray for her, it's her life now, and he has his to take care of. Good thing you realized your mistakes though. 21 and getting married is a no no, especially since it's your first relationship! I think this is one of the best thing that ever happened to you.

snow124 · Jul 14, 2009, 03:31 PM

Absolutely I am glad I'm not part of that mess anymore. I'm so much better off - financially, academically, emotionally, socially. I'm glad I've been able to make her part of my past. Thanks for the responses everyone.