[JBeaucaire]

"Every time I hug the bear, I know I risk being sliced open and eaten...but I really want to hug the bear because...well...because it's his birthday."

*cough*

Leave the bear alone.

[eguillen]

I am back. Here is an update on my situation.

So since my last post I broke NC twice. I know, I know. I broke down and was at a weak point when I did it. I have picked up the pieces and haven't done so since. I guess it's part of the healing process - taking steps forward and at times, taking steps backwards as hard as it may be not to.

The first time I contacted her I asked via text how she was doing and she responded that she was doing fine. Very casual but I ended with "Will you ever give us another chance?" She replied I don't know and then to my surprise she wrote me a long email saying how she has been OK being alone and that she's not saying she will never give us another chance, but that she's just not ready yet. I said OK and told her a little bit about the changes I have made and that I am working on myself. Then I said that I understand her decision and that if we ever do get back together, then it'll happen when the time is right. And if we decide to see other people, then I wish you the best. She responded by agreeing and apologizing for hurting me.

The second time I broke it was because of stupid Facebook again! It was pictures of her with that guy again and so I asked her if there is anything going on between them two and she denied. I said sorry, I am just fearful of losing you forever. Blah, that sappy crap. As a result, I was so mad at myself that I deleted my Facebook so I don't feel the compulsion of checking. Why do people do this "checking" business anyway?

Those two occurrences happened in the same week. Her birthday came around and I mustered up the courage to not say anything. It's really hard for me not talking to her because I am always wondering if it's really over. I guess I am still going through that denial phase. But other than that, I've been pretty OK. Our parents work together and my mom found out that my ex is already dating someone. Apparently she had been for sometime, which means she lied about it. When my mom told me this I actually didn't cry. I was more upset that she lied to me about it. It did and does still hurt, but I was able to accept it. However, I still sometimes hope that we will be together in the end, which I am trying so hard to give up on.

At times it really hurts though because I don't understand how she can be dating someone else already. I know I have to live with the fact that it's happening, but I always end up searching for the reasons as to why this is happening. I find ways to pin the blame on her to make me feel like I am top and I hate doing that. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and have realized that I have some major self-esteem issues to work on, which may be part of the problem. For example, in my head I constantly compare myself her new boyfriend or whatever in a sexual matter (i.e. who's better in bed? etc.) I think this stems from childhood because of how taboo and forbidden sex was in my household, which is also the reason why I probably love it so much. Also, as stupid as this sounds, I get jealous when she tries something new without me, especially if it was something she refused to do when we were together. I always wanted to be the one she would try new things with.

These last couple of months have seemed like a lifetime. I just wish I could accept all of what is happening and stop comparing myself to that new guy.

Let me know what you all think and thank you so much for all your support.

[eguillen]

Threads merged and edited.

These last couple of months have seemed like a lifetime. I just wish I could accept all of what is happening and stop comparing myself to that new guy.

My main concerns are basically any thoughts, advice or support you can give me after reading this post. It has been very rough and all of your support is greatly appreciated.

[Dare81]

For example, in my head I constantly compare myself her new boyfriend or whatever in a sexual matter (i.e. who's better in bed? etc.) I think this stems from childhood because of how taboo and forbidden sex was in my household, which is also the reason why I probably love it so much. Also, as stupid as this sounds, I get jealous when she tries something new without me, especially if it was something she refused to do when we were together. I always wanted to be the one she would try new things with.

I think its only natural to think if you are better then her new boyfriend in bed or what not. I did that for a while. The trick here is not dwell on these thoughts, but find something to keep yourself busy with

These last couple of months have seemed like a lifetime. I just wish I could accept all of what is happening and stop comparing myself to that new guy.

NC is a roller coaster, you will fell good one day and pretty bad the next.But in the long run you are better off by not contacting her

[ibrown]

Wel we are kind of in the same boat.I still love my ex and want us to be together.He isn't dating anyone that I know of but if he does I am tryn to prepare myself for it.But I think you should do you and pray about the situation(thats what I'm doing).If it is meant it will be if not make you happy!