[eguillen]

Hey everybody, I just suffered the heartbreaking loss of my ex girlfriend of 5 years about 3 and half weeks ago. We were so unbelievably close that sometimes we wouldn't even have to say anything to know what the other person was thinking. And it extends beyond that. I have vowed to do the no contact thing, and so far I have done quite well. In the past 3 and half weeks I have only contacted her twice on my initiative. I am still devastated and the accompanying anxiety does not help one bit. Today, I was on a friends Facebook (I unfriended her particularly) and as I was browsing through some photos, there was a picture of her in a skimpy dress sitting on the lap of another guy who I believe she became interested in near the end of our relationship. What hurts is how she can ALREADY be over me in a snap. I know this because I asked if her when she abruptly decided to leave if there was another guy. Her response was "I don't know".

Now that we are broken up, I realize that many of my feelings stem from problems within myself. I think the fact the she left, took a huge toll on my self-confidence. Seeing her be happy is wonderful but at the same time I become jealous because I wish I could be happy too. I constantly worry that she'll forget me and we'll never talk again. Because not only were we girlfriend and boyfriend, but best friends as well. My main problem is that I am hanging onto a thread hoping that one day she'll give me the text or phone call that says "Let's talk, I had a change of heart". I constantly check my cell phone and hope she called or something. I am really trying to stop but I just can't get it out of my head. How can I stop hoping? I plan to keep this thread going, updating it on a daily basis and be somewhat of a journal. Thanks for your help.

[JBeaucaire]

You can't stop your heart from doing its "romance thing", but that's why your life is controlled by your head, not your heart. In the end, you can be smart enough to overrule your needy heart until it gets over what it needs to get over.

It will take as long as it takes. No rules, no whining, no shortcuts, you have to just slog through it.

You can do it, though.

Just let your heart do its thing, it needs to hurt a lot, the more the better right now, because the sooner you hurt your way through it, the sooner you'll come out the other side. Keep pressing on.

Resist the urge to add melodrama to this by over-romanticizing your memories of her, too. Let your memories of her be good, just no need to put her up on some pedestal, too.

Your future isn't in the pedestal. Your future is in the relationship already headed your way, and you'll get it as soon as you're through these woods of healing.

[expat2009]

First off, I recommend you stay away from Facebook COMPLETELY, even if you removed her. If you guys have mutual friends on Facebook chances are she will pop up again and again. This is very harmful stuff for your confidence as you said. It sets you back knowing stuff you don't really need know. I'm glad you want her to be happy but that's her life now. You should be focusing on yourself and not anyone else. The more you do, and the more stuff you keep yourself busy with, the less she'll be on your mind. Stop hoping? It's hard. You just have to realise that she left you for some other dude with no real explanation. Which means she is fairly less into you now than she is into him. It sucks, I know. But why should you hang on for someone that replaced you like a used tampon? It will get better in the coming weeks/months once your emotions settle down and you see things with a clear head. You will be able to realise that while it hurts, it wasn't meant to be. The hope will slowly fade away --maybe never completely-- but enough so that you can move on and heal. This, of course, will take time. You had a pretty long relationship and it won't be easy but each day you will be less inclined to check your phone, less expectant. Until one day it won't even occur to you.

There is a slight possibility that things don't work out with her new dude and she decides she wants you back. Now, if this happens, it's up to you to determine yourself worth and choose to be a Plan B or not.

Keep to NO contact. It's for you.

[husky04]

I`m going through almost the same thing right now with my ex. Your not the only one there are many people on this site going through this.

You really just have to try to do ANYTHING that takes your mind off this girl. You can't go through this thinking she's going to give you that text, because more than likely she wont`t. It sucks to hear but more times then not it's the truth

[eguillen]

Thanks everybody. This is awesome support. I am glad I found this site. I will try to keep updating my thoughts throughout this journal.

[eguillen]

SO GET THIS... It's 12:30 AM and I just received a text from my ex asking if I had hung out with ex ex girlfriend, from over 6 years ago, when I was in HIGH SCHOOL!

How ironic is this, she found out from my friends new year's eve photo album. I said that I hung out with a lot of people and that it's none of her business really who I hang out with or date anymore. So now she asks me if I am seeing anyone and I said it's not her business. I have gone on 1 date since the break up by the way. She then says she would tell me if I asked. I told her that it's none of my business and the she should do whatever it takes to be happy.

Then she goes on to say that I have changed. I told her that there's more going on in my life than what she sees on Facebook and that yes I have changed from being in relationship to being single. And that I am simply moving on and that's that. Sorry if it hurts you blah blah blah.

I ended with 'this is my last text. Bye'.

So she responds by saying she didn't expect me to move on so soon and see me happy. Even though she said she wants me to be happy. Any thoughts? Did I go about the situation the right way?

[expat2009]

YES, in my view, you did perfect. Now sit back and relax. Live your life and enjoy it. It will take a long time to be over her completely but the fact that you stood against her in this way says a lot about your self-confidence coming back. DO NOT get your hopes up either. If she wants you back she has to show it--with a LOT of effort on her side, otherwise things will not change. You need this time for yourself--to bring yourself back up and find yourself.

You left her dumbfounded and very surprised that you are moving on quicker than she is. She has her little pic sitting on a dude, now you have a lot more on your side.

I would recommend though that you stay away from Facebook. The less you know about her life the less pain you will feel. And the less she knows about yours the better also.

[JBeaucaire]

To REALLY make it perfect, you have to MEAN 'goodbye'. You need to stop looking over your shoulder, even if it's to glance at her wishing you back.

You will never be able to know if her renewed interest in you is based on jealousy, so it needs to be irrelevant.

I think everything you said was spot on, no need for rudeness, you just kept underlining the reality of what happened. No matter how often she pokes, you just restate the same truths... "We're not each other's business, leave me alone, please."

I say, "Well done!"... unless you didn't mean it.

[eguillen]

Hey everybody. Here is an update on my progress to a healing heart.

Each day seems to be getting better, but of course, the pain is still there. I just pampered myself with a bath and I feel great at the moment. I have been keeping myself busy with schoolwork, intense sessions of basketball or soccer every day at noon, expanding my female network, spending time with my best friends, and reading books on spirituality and happiness.

What I feel most proud of, is the rate at which I am healing. I have been avoiding Facebook at all costs, and I find myself checking my phone less and less as each day passes.

From time to time I still hope that she will come back to me. But the thought is becoming less intense and mind consuming everyday. I read a quote recently, which may have actually been from this site, that said something along the lines of "It's funny how we think we will never find a better partner than the one we have, until the next one comes along."

I plan to keep this log going as I aforementioned. I hope that it may help others who are suffering similar losses and show that the road to happiness does get better with time.

[browncouch]

You are doing the right thing. I am in a similar situation with a longer relationship and she also cheated. You are being very strong. Stick with no contact like the wise people on here say. I too was very hurt by how fast I see my ex moving on, hell, she was moved on while we were still together! I am still in the mourning phase and haven't been able to do the activities to keep me busy yet. I'm kind of just coming home after workand getting used to my new situation with a few cries in between. It really does help to cry. It doesn't make you weak, it helps you heal. Keep doing what you're doing brother, there are others in your situation too. We'll come out of this stronger and better people!

[expat2009]

Good to see that NC is working for you --browncouch too-- and that it's making you feel proud. It will help your confidence. I think I'm at pretty much the same stage as you are in the healing process. Being doing the same sort of things as well trying to keep myself busy and distracted. I have been in NC for 1 month now --apart from one short xmas sms reply and one in nye-- and I feel much better. I can eat, I can read, I can sleep better... I think keeping hope alive is very natural and it will fade in time. Every other night I dream about getting back together with her and it feels good to be honest. When I wake up from the dreams normally at 4am or so It really hurts when reality hits me. After some mindless TV I'm OK again to sleep. It's hard but it's getting less and less frequent.

Yes, it's definitely good to cry! It's a natural body function for relieving stress and pain. Even if you are the manilest of men, if you are human, then it's natural to do so.

Keep up what you are doing and things will get better for all of us in the same boat.

[urBrain]

Dood, read the relationship survival guide! You're going to drive yourself nuts thinking about which guy she left you for and who she is probably sleeping with. If she said she does not know why she wanted to break up it's either cause she's not sure if you're the one for her or she has moved on and has someone else. Either way you need to back off! My .02 cents.

[talaniman]

You are doing the right things for yourself, and saying the right things to your ex, great job, keep it up.

Way to love yourself, and be happy with who you are.

[eguillen]

Hey everyone,

The weekend was great. I spent a lot of time with buddies and rekindling old friendships. Everything had been going fine until today.

My ex and I attend the same University and we happened to come across each other today as I was going to the bookstore. It was a BIG surprise. When I saw her, I said Hi and how have you been and all that junk. Then I told her I was going to the bookstore and that I'll talk to her later. Throughout these few words about a million things went through my head. I tried to smile real hard but I couldn't. My stomach turned and I felt like breaking down and crying. I didn't though.

On my way back, like 10 minutes later she comes up to my car window as I'm driving away and asks if I am OK? I said yea, I was just caught off guard. She then said it was good saying seeing me and I said likewise. Then we said our goodbyes and once I arrive home I just started crying. I didn't expect that kind of reaction from myself. I didn't realize it would be so hard seeing her in person.

Now I am wondering if she feels the same way. And part of me felt like she did. I could tell she was happy/sad to see me as well. I kind of didn't know what to say really. To be honest, I was thinking of the things I could do at the time to charm her back into my arms, which I means I haven't completely let go of hope yet. However, I am accepting her and myself being separate and having our own lives, but today's incident really sent me into spiral of confusion.

[Romefalls19]

I think we all practice what we will say if we see an ex out and about but when we actually see them the words never come to mind. You sound like you handled the situation well, it's never a shame to cry. Think about it, you spent 5 years with someone, for anyone to expect you to simply be fine without her would be an idiot. You lived, you loved someone with everything you had, now you have to live without her in your life. Shedding those tears is shedding the feelings you had for her, and with 5 years, you will be shedding a lot my friend.

[talaniman]

Rome is right, you handled yourself extremely well considering your feelings and history with this woman. It will take time, but your doing better than you think. Keep going.

[eguillen]

Hello there friends,

I have been going strong and have not contacted my ex. She hasn't contacted me either. I still miss her deeply and it is still hard getting through each day. But all of your answers on here have been motivating and have kept me on track. But for now, that's beside the point. Her birthday is coming up and I am not sure whether I should tell her Happy Birthday. I feel like a text or email would be appropriate saying something like, "Happy Birthday, I hope you have a wonderful day". But at the same I don't want to weird her out if I do send the message. Please provide me with some input. Thanks. Should I even say anything at all? Before answering, please consider reading my previous posts as it will give you insight into my situation.

Once again, thank you.

[Dare81]

Wow I was asking the same question about 3 months ago , me and my ex broke you after a eight year relationship. I did call her and wished her happy birthday but in return I expected her to call me when it was my birthday .She didn't.
My advice is don't text or call her on her birthday.She broke up with you, that means she doesn't want any part of you in her life.( Harsh but true).
If you do call her you are going to fell miserable for at least a couple a days believe me

[411Help]

My opinion, DON'T. I ended up texting my ex girlfriend on her birthday, and guess what happened? It turned into one of those long drawn conversations about our past. If you can avoid that, and if you can handle her not responding, which may be the case, then by all means, go ahead.

[talaniman]

If you don't like worms, don't open the can!