[NewYork123]

I agree with some of what you say, but they were broken up when she engaged in sexual acts with another person! So she should lie, she has no obligation to tell him who she's messing around with when they are not even together! Don't you agree?

[talaniman]

Now that's a great relationship, built on lies, and jealousy, and secrets. I find it appalling she takes things to that level, over his career choices. I would have been long gone, just from the lack of communications.

[liz28]

I agree with you Tal. This relationship is lacking a lot. You should know what you're getting into before hand and if you can't handle it, then you always have the option of leaving.

[roxypox]

I agree with liz and tal!

Seriously, they lack communication, both of them keep lying. And it might be that he lied about how extensive the kiss was and he made a promise he could not really know if he could keep (seeing as he is new to acting and what not) and he might have anticipated her reaction.

But seriously, she is overreacting. Period!

Their relationship in general seems messy at best and seeing as she asked for our opinion, then she should have been aware that we would be honest with her and not cuddle her. If she wanted to be cuddled and told that her reaction was okay and right, then she should have talked to someone else. Personally if I post a question I want people to be honest. That is what I look for and what I need... if you want someone to just agree with you... well... ask someone you know for a fact will agree with you...

Both of them have done wrong by each other, his acting isn't the problem, her sexual stuff while they were broken-up isn't the biggest problem... It's the lack of communication and the lies that are the problem.

[Noodles15]

i would be uncomfortable, bjut i wouldn't be mad and i certainly wouldn't google him, and if i did i wouldn't have watched the vid if it came up. It seems that over all their relationship needs an adjustment! (then need to comunicate more, and stop lying to each other) i'd be far more angry about him lying about it being a tiny peck on the mouth and then its a full blown make out.

but i wouldn't stay mad for long. If i were with someone who wanted to act.. i'd find a way to deal with the stuff that came up....

I Google people a lot when I'm bored... you've never googled anyone?

And I watched the video, because he told me the one with the kissing scene WAS NEVER POSTED- turns out it only wasn't posted on Facebook, but was posted on YouTube, I knew he had recorded something else and thought it might be that.


We've decided now that while he's just starting, doing these things that don't really support a career but that are fun for him, that he wouldn't do scenes like that. He feels he could never do sex scenes, that's what he tells me, because it goes against everything that he was raised to be (he was raised in a very christian environment), but we did say that if he ever gets offered a role that could offer him a career, or help further a career and it involved a kissing scene that we would discuss it before hand and decide as a couple if it would really benefit him.

The thing is that I don't know if I believe him now. I don't know if I believe that he wouldn't do a sex scene or that he will discuss kissing scenes with me before hand seeing as he told me he would never do anything like that and lied to me about it.

Also, I was close to a family when we were broken up- they gave me help through a hard time, one of the members of this family gets $45,000 budgets for commercials and I offered to ask this friend of mine to let me know when auditions are coming up that my boyfriend could go to, and my boyfriend immediately just got onto me because he doesn't like that I was close to this family (he feels like I replaced him and his family with these family) So, I don't feel like acting is really all that important to him when he would turn down this opportunity just because he's jealous that this family helped me out.

I really just, I find the biggest problems we have are learning HOW to talk to each other. I think we're getting a lot better at talking about stuff, but I think we both say stuff in a bad way. We communicate, just poorly at this point. Are there any tips you could give on things I can think about and share with him to help us learn how to communicate better?

[cbsf]

I'm an artist and writer. My ex had similar issues about my work which stemmed from insecurities and lack of trust, among other things. While I agree that it was wrong for your boyfriend not to be straightforward about the video, I think you really need to consider if your anxiety about his work can be helped. For me, it was crippling and dispiriting to be with someone who didn't appreciate what I was trying to do. That was one of the factors which led to our breakup. Please learn to trust and encourage your partner -- you should be proud of each other and support each other in every way -- that what love is for.

[liz28]

One thing that could help the two of you with your communication is not to act out of anger. If you two are upset with one another than take time out to cool down and then talk things out. Yelling won't solve anything, it will only make things worst. Talking out of anger can only lead to the two of you saying mean things to each other that your could regret.

To sum it up, never confront or communicate one another when your upset. Cool down and then talk to each other in a civil matter. Express your feeling and speak your mind. If he does something that you dislike, you can start with "it hurt my feeling when...". Get the picture?

[roxypox]

I google people a lot when I'm bored.......you've never googled anyone?

Well yeah, I Google myself, LOL... but okay I misunderstood you! (I have seriously only googled myself... and my sister... my sister googles people and tell me about it, so there is no need for it on my part!)

Back to what I said earlier; he should never have made promises about stuff he had no guarantees for!

And yes it does seem like you need to communicate more! Is it possible for the two of you to sit down and you could tell him that? e.g. you're concerned about all the lying between the two of you, and that you want an honest and open relationship... and you guys need to communicate more...

But if you tell him this then you also need to be completely honest with him... and might shoot in that the two of you can't make promises you don't know if you can keep.