[Wildcat21]

xxsamxx110 - glad fpr you - you do need to do those things. Keep us posted. You WILL be so much more happy in 6 months.

No contact - keep it up.

[xxsamxx110]

Well I wrote on here back in June / July. My ex had broken up with me leaving me heart broken and depressed. I had been looking for a flat however the break up meant that I was unable to afford the flat and have not got another person to share with. I also started a job which I found out was not for me. Anyway I am now training in another course and am staying at home until I have enough to move out on my own.

Anyway my problem is not this as I can deal with being unhappy at both home and at work. My problem is that I decided that I would move on and not bother with my ex. Well that's easier said than done. I miss him terribly. It is now nearly 5 months and I am still not over him. My feelings are all still there for him even though he has a girlfriend and has told me he wants nothing to do with me. This hurts more than ever. I know a lot of you think that because I am 18 I know nothing about relationships and need to grow up etc.
Well that isn't what its like and it isn't helping me. I took on what everyone said but it is still not helping me to move on.

I miss him so much. I don't know what to do. Will he ever want me back if I just leave him alone or will he just find someone else and forget about me. I know I've made a lot of mistakes with how I've done things e.g. telling him I want him back and that I miss him. Now he hates me. My life is falling apart and every aspect is going wrong. Everything from my parents divorcing, not finding a job where I can do my training, being in debt, not having friends, to losing the person that meant everything to me and having no other person interested. I feel so depressed I don't think life is worth living.

Well thanks for reading. Any help would be really appreciated. Thanks again

[Sentra]

Dear Sad and Lonely in the UK,

After all of this, you are still, say it with me, ALIVE!

At the moment things may seem bleak, endless and its like everything around you sucks more than a black hole the size of Russia (I would say Texas, but Russia is larger, and closer to you. ;) )

Life IS worth living. Your parents divorced, but they surely do still love you. You will find work again, at least something to keep you occupied enough to get your mind on other things. Debt will start to come down slowly, just give it a little time and patience. Friends are the ones who stick by you no matter what, and aren't worth a fig if they abandon you because they simply feel like it so tell those people to bugger off! :)

That person may not reciprocate the feelings you have for them, but that doesn't make you worthless. It doesn't make you horrible, or dirty or unworthy of love or affection from someone else. Learn to love you; at this point, 'you' is the one person you have so love the 'you' as much as you can.

18? Don't start thinking of yourself as an old maid! Heavens no! You are young, strong, and mature... prove it to yourself.

[xxsamxx110]

My parents are slagging each other off to me. My dad moving away and I'm left to choose who to live with. The job I hate and am not paid for. I'm sat in an office so my mind wonders and I'm sure you can guess who to. As I am not earning my debt is increasing not slowing down. As for friends they are the ones I needed and I have none now. I have gained so much weight and look awful. I can't seem to get rid even when working out each week etc. I hate who I am not love me. I'm not going to love me until things get better and that isn't looking good. I'm not a strong and definitley not a confident person.

[Sentra]

I am very glad you brought you dilemma here for us to assist in, there are good people here ready to support when you need it. Take care.:)

[Depressed in MO]

You just have to pick yourself up and DO it. The hardest part is motivation for me. Sit down. Write down a plan for yourself. Schedule it. FOLLOW THROUGH with it. Once you start your own self improvement by doing this, you will begin to think of him less and less.
This is the benefit of focusing on yourself. And yes, you are very young. In a year (probably less) you will be looking back and saying "What was his name?" -Only if you get yourself motivated, and only you can do it.

[xxsamxx110]

There are also some that only make me feel worse. For example being young and stupid. Them saying I don't know what I feel. Yes some are great and really friendly so thanks. But I need help.

[bleimberger]

Hey I know exactly what you are going through right now. It is the one of the hardest things to get past especially when you were in love, and now he is with another girl. My sister had went through the same thing, and you just have to find people close to you to lean on. Keep yourself as busy as you can. When you start to think about him, get up and do something, don't sit there and allow yourself to think about him, no matter how hard it is, and I know that you want to think about him and you say that you can't stop. Your going to have to make yourself. Call your old friends, just talking to them, will keep your mind off him. I know it is tough, but you have to force yourself out of this depression, and it may go on for a while longer, but if you are trying your hardest to stop thinking about him, then one day you will realize that your not depressed about it anymore. Just keep really busy. Good luck and let me know how things are going!

[wap]

I am sorry your sad : ( This happened to me too in June/July. Everyone is right, you have to keep busy. You have come to a good site for advice, I received good advice on here. I actually felt a bit down tonight, this is why I am on here. Don't blame yourself too much for calling him and telling him you wanted him back. This was what you felt was right at the time, you just feel a sense of panic when it happens, and it is hard to deal with.

[xxsamxx110]

I haven't got any close friends or someone to call or lean on. He was the person I was closest to and told everything to. I try keeping busy and yes sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of and what has been suggested. My home life and work isn't really helping at the minute. Just wish I had the money to just go and leave everything.

[J_9]

I am curious why you work at a job that does not pay. Why don't you look for a job that does pay!?

I too went through a bad break up, but that was many years ago. I understand the pain you are going through.

I know we say pick yourself up, keep busy. But that is really hard to do sometimes, I understand that. You know the old saying, "easier said than done." But you have to try.

You say you don't have any close friends, maybe you put too much into this relationship and lost old friends? Time to rekindle the old friendships maybe?

Parents splitting is a real downer too. They like to talk bad about each other to the kids. Not a good thing. If your Dad does this you have to stand up and say, "Well, she is still MY mother and I love her. Don't you see it hurts me to hear you say that about her?" Do the same to your mum if she talks about your dad. You should not be put in the middle of their problems.

You are 18, things will work out in life, and you will be a better person. You have experienced rough times, you will come out much stronger than those who have had it easy all their lives.

[xxsamxx110]

My dad doesn't slag my mum off. Only my mum slags my dad off and she does not listen as she is too bothered about how she feels as she is only interested in going out with friends. No my old friends are not worth bothering with. I heard what they said about me and only two bothered staying in touch and I stay in touch with however they work and live about 7 hours away from me. I work in a job that does not pay for my qualification until I find a full time paid job. I have applied to many and am waiting to hear from them. Of course this does not help my debt. Dan was the person that comforted me and was there for me. Knowing that I would see him was what keep me going through the week and now he has gone.

[talaniman]

Do you like sitting on the pity pot, and have someone comfort you? Oh that's right the old ex use to do it. All I hear in your post is oh-woe is me and until you take an active roll in making your life better then the results will be nil. We all go through hard times and have to make adjustments, we all have hardships we must go through. That's the challenge of life that brings out the best and tough of us. For some it makes them cry and give up!! Never give up on yourself!! Negative or positive attitude, YOUR choice.

[greatflame]

I understand. Some things are at emotional level and not at mind level. Only time can heal, however a lttle bit of acceptance that he has moved on helps in focusing.

[Lou1]

I think you are feeling really low about yourself and I think you need to work on this. This guy obviously felt you were attractive and had a good personality. You seem to have forgotten the positive sides of yourself and have started to see yourself in a negative way. You have criticised yourself a great deal, your weight etc. I think you would benefit from either reading a book about possitive thinking, or any library book that would help regarding breaking up with a boyfriend. You are very young and you need to develop a sense of independence and you don't need to feel that you need a boyfriend at all times in order to have a good time or life won't be as good without one.

It is always difficult for anybody to concentrate whether in a new job or not when you suffer the breakup of a relationship. Be careful that you are not running away from problems in saying that you would like to have enough money to go away. I think we all feel like this at some point.

It would heop you to talk ti either a GP, priest, minister, surgery nurse, trusted friend or somebody regarding your problems as at eighteen these can be really stressful. It can also spoil your concentration by hacving flashbacks and thoughts of your previous boyfriend. It is not a good idea to contact him and think that you may get back together I know this from past experience and that of my daughters. You only drive them ffurther away. Its better to develop a positive attitude to yourself and realise that there are plenty others out there and possibly better and will treat you as you deserve and be on a better wavelength than before. Sometimes we meet people who just click when we least expect it. You should also talk to someone regarding your career prospects. If you feel that your finances are getting a bit out of control you should aldo talk to somebody regarding this.

You could also let your Mum and Dad know just how you feel about their quarrels in front of you and how it makes you feel. It could be that they are totally unaware of how this affects you. They definitely shoyuld not waste time with this. Make it a rule for them tha\t they don't discuss one another when you're there. I think you are lonely too and should seek out something you could do that occupies your time and will not cost a lot. Maybe a course towards a career. Not sure that you're overweight or whether you are just comfort eating and don't feel good about yourself generally - I think that is the key to how you feel about everything. Work on feeling good about yourself. Were you this lacking in confidenc e before this - I don't think so or you would not have attracted your boyfriend. You're only 18 and have a lot going for you if you can only work on seeing this for yourself. Move on and make it that you have learned from this don't let it drag you down instead of that make it make you stronger, pick yourself up move on! And you'll look better than ever. Pay attention to healthy eating.

[xxsamxx110]

I've always had low self confidence. I have been picked on all my life so I know the points that are bad about me. I arnt very good looking however things had improved and I was not overweight and myself confidence was at its all time high. As I'm sure uve guessed I have gained a lot of weight l8ly probably from comfort eating as well as feeling generally low.
I am doing a course to do with my career my problem is finding a job that will allow me to continue this. I have tried many things to help me move on and keep the weight off. I love going to the gym unfortunately I can't afford this now and am limited to what I can do.
As for my parents my dad isn't bad with it. It is actually my mum. We isn't that close and she does my head in. anyway I can tell her over and over and it makes no difference. If she doesn't tell me she tells my younger brothers and so they come to me. So either way I hear about it. I don't think she will ever change and is one of the reasons I want to move out.
I have not contacted my ex in a while and its hard but he didn't reply the last time so I don't think there is a chance he will ever bother with me again. :( for some reason I don't attrack guys and never really have done. Yeah I am lonely now as I don't have someone that I'm close to now. But never mind.
Love hurts.

[wap]

I find running is good, try that, it doesn't cost anything. Or you could join a council gym, or if you are doing a college course, does the college have a gym? When I used to text my ex he wouldn't text me back either. I had to take his no out of my phone, maybe u should too. Just a thought.

[xxsamxx110]

I can't run as I have problems with my knees. I walk a lot and bike quite often. As for my college is doesn't have a gym or any discounts for using one.
My ex had made me believe we would be back together and then changed his mind. He did this over and over until a friend told him to stop messing me about. Well now he won't speak to me at all. Well I never bothered after that and neither did he.

[wap]

Oh, if he messed you around like that, that's not good at all. Mine has never said anything about anything! That makes me feel rotten, at least if he wanted me back I would feel a bit better! A dance class would be good, I don't know how your knees would be with that.

Swimming is good : )

[xxsamxx110]

I do swim just not often as last time I got asked if I was pregnant. Kind of put me off. I'm looking for a modern dance class but haven't managed 2 find 1 around here.