[SweetDee]

At 16 most kids don't really know who they are. Testing the waters to see if you might be bisexual is normal even into your late 20's! Life is an odd perplexity... we need to take the time to exlore all our little personal facets and folds. As you grow you will probably experiment even more. It's natural. You have an obligation to yourself to try and discover who you are, right? Just know that you are amongst the many teens who are in the process of trying to figure themselves out. It's HARD!

Whatever it is that you discover along the way is what it is. Hetero, bisexual, gay... wtvs! Don't YOU be the one judging yourself. Just accept your fabulous self. No matter what you discover in and around your life... you are FAB!

[Princess-IMYM]

SweetDee I love you! If I were with you I'd give you a hug! But I'm not so that's quite dissapointing!

Really, to be honest I wanted reassuring if anything, I can't ask my friends or family for it because they'd turn it into a joke or tell me I'm stupid for it

[talaniman]

I can appreciate your going through that phase, we all do, where we want to know how things work, and just need some information, instead of what our friends think, who know nothing either. That's normal, and your past, when you didn't get the info you needed, has you still curious as to what's going on.

What we all worry about, being the caring adults we are, is where your experimenting can lead, so educating yourself with facts, and not opinions of your peers, will give you a much better insight, into what your going through with your feelings, as you grow and learn, about the best, and safest way to cope with those feelings.

An older adult, or parent, is the best for good info, and the library can offer many good books on the subject you need. Enjoy your time now, and learn the right things, from the right people, and take care of yourself.

[Princess-IMYM]

Im sorry to say this but I didn't understand any of that, I'm quiet dense when it comes to general knowledge and things like that (I thought yorkshire was its own country and a skirting board had something to do with stairs, enough said.) could you repeat it in a simpler form that even a seven year old would be able to undestand?

[Alty]

Princess, I didn't mean to offend you, I'm just concerned with your approach to all this

Trying to figure out who and what you are is a good thing, but "playing" around with other people in order to find out, that can be dangerous.

No one can tell you whether your are straight, gay or bi, if you don't even know then how can we? We can give you opinions, but those are just guesses as well. You are still so young, you'll figure it out.

In the meantime, be careful, don't do something you'll regret later in life. That's what I was trying to say when I posted, I guess I went about it the wrong way.

We are all adults,and to you we are probably a bunch of old timers who don't know anything, but we were all teens once, and trust me, it wasn't so different then as it is now.

There are some mistakes you don't have to learn first hand, you can learn by listening to people who have already lived through those mistakes.

Like I said, I was never confused about my sexual orientation, I never even had a curiosity towards the same sex. The opposite sex, honey, there wasn't a guy out there that I wouldn't sleep with, so learn from that, because trust me, if I could take it all back I would.

Experimenting is fine, if it's innocent, but sooner or later, if you continue on the road you're on now, it will stop being innocent. Don't end up doing something you'll regret, okay?

[talaniman]

Go to the library, or and adult for the answers to your questions, as experimenting, will get you in a bunch of trouble.

[Princess-IMYM]

Ah thank you!

I haven't played with anyone though? Me and my friends aren't serious when we do things, like I said we do it for fun, the closest I've come to anything serious was that thing when I was 9, so I feel like your making acusations by saying I'm playing around and practically using people when I never said anything like that (not in my eyes anyway)

Do you think that this all started when I was 9 with that girl and I've kept doing it?
I haven't, honestly! That was the first and last time I've ever done anything that bad before, I was closed up about stuff like that because I was selfconsious until I met my friends who were just as bad as me when I was 14! It took me months to get to where I am now! I don't intend to break any barriers of anysort until I'm absolutely sure!

[Alty]

I haven't played with anyone though? Me and my friends aren't serious when we do things, like I said we do it for fun,

That's the scary part, the "doing it for fun" part. That's why we've given the advice we gave.

I realize that it's fashionable, for lack of a better term, for teens to experiment with each other, it's a phenomenon that is sweeping over every part of every country. I don't know why, but it seems that kids today think this is fun and harmless, when in fact it can be quite harmful.

Princess, I don't expect you to understand our concerns, there are some things in life that you can't understand until you're older and wiser.

As an adult on this site that answers many teens questions, I realize that most of what I say will fall on deaf ears. I remember being 16, I knew everything, I really did, or so I thought. No one could tell me that I was wrong, and bad things wouldn't happen to me, bad things only happened to other people. It wasn't until I got older that I realized how reckless and stupid I was at 16, and lucky, because nothing bad did happen.

I can talk until I'm blue in the face, until you are willing to listen and look deeply into what I'm saying, there's nothing I do say that will change your outlook. If you want to continue what you are doing, then there's nothing I can do to stop you, I'm not your mother, nor am I a friend, I'm just a faceless person on the internet who happens to realize where the path you've chosen is leading to. You'd be surprised how quickly your well laid plans and intentions can turn on you.

Some things you have to learn the hard way I guess. I've said what I came to say, either it sticks or it doesn't, the rest is up to you.

Good luck, take care and be safe.

[Princess-IMYM]

Hm, should I define what we do? Because I think your picturing something far worse than what it is!

We hug each other from all angles (behind, in front from the side ect) we sometimes hug like you see lovers do in movies, like with your heads on eachothers shoulders and stuff, but that's only if were upset or feeling a bit down.
My best friend spanks us but we always complain because she does it too hard and it hurts (not sexual at all really) we sometimes give eachothers breasts a squeeze but that's always a result of a hilarious conversation about something we've read or seen (I think last time it was because I read a book and a boy randomly grabbed his gilfriends breast and looked into her eyes lovingly before walking away, and me and my friend did it and said we loved each other before laughing very hard) and sometimes if we hug we say "Against the wall!" and puch each other against the wall and pretend, but most of the time we're not even toughing each other and it happens in front of security cameras or where there's people looking because its funny that way.
Sometimes (very rarely) we give each other a kiss on the cheek, but only if it's a dare, or it's a raspberry (Like what you do to baby's stomachs?)

Were you thinking "in the bedroom" type stuff?

[Alty]

Actually, no, what you're describing is pretty much what I thought you might be doing. To you it's innocent, right now, but it's just the beginning, trust me, sooner or later you and your friends will want to up the ante, and then what?

It sounds like you think it's fun because it's forbidden, the thrill of doing something you know your parents wouldn't like and not getting caught. Like I said, soon these little trysts won't be enough anymore and someone will push the envelope, then it will be "Oh come on, only once, you don't mind the other stuff we do". When that time comes you'll either play along or bow out, and from what you've said you won't bow out.

You think that these are just fun innocent games, but they're much more serious than you know.

Like I said before, I've told you my point of view, maybe I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit I'm not right about everything, but what if I am right about this?

You may think that because it's with your "girlfriends" that it's okay and not sexual, but that's not true, what you are doing has sexual connotations, and can go from playful to hurtful in a hearbeat. Just be careful, think before you act.

My rule of thumb now, until you are 21, don't do anything you wouldn't be willing to do in front of your parents. Unrealistic, maybe, but if I had followed that rule I would have saved myself a world of hurt.

[Princess-IMYM]

Is it all right if I say your wrong?

I think I understand where your going, but its me I wanted to know about, my friends are completely straight, I know what's what and what things aren't to be done, we don't do it everyday, its once in a while when our mood is either extremely low or very high, and its not just my girlfriends, its my guy friends too.

I don't feel any attraction to my friends, and they'd never EVER ask me to do something that I don't want to do, and I them!
This seems more of a trust problem your thinking of rather than a bad hobby one, I trust my friends and myself completely when it comes to this stuff, because if they did anything I'd get mad and hurt them. Its just the way we are, we see the world differently, some see it as a great exciting place full of promise, to us its dull and way too closed up and judgemental on silly little acts.

I've told one of my other friends about this and she said she didn't know the reason we do it, its just what we do, and she said her cousin has a friend who is just like us and she's 16.
So we're not the only ones and it doesn't seem at all strange to me.

Also, what does rule of thumb mean? (I did say I was dense)

[Alty]

Rule of thumb means a rule or something that is a good idea to follow, it's just a slang way to say it. ;)

Okay, last try, and please read what I'm about to say, really read it. I've told my story on AMHD before, but every time I do it still hurts, so I don't say it unless I think it's necessary.

You say you trust your friends, and that's great, it's nice to have close friends, it's nice to have that trust. I don't give my trust very easily, and believe me, I have my reasons.

When I was 3 1/2 years old we moved from Germany to Canada. All of my fathers relatives already lived here, we were the last to arrive. We didn't know the language, we didn't know anyone other than our relatives.

We got settled, bought a condo, my parents got jobs and everything was great I want to say right now, I had the most wonderful parents in the world, so none of what I'm about to tell you was their fault, they never knew, I never told, I was to scared, to ashamed.

When I was around 4 my parents would ask my cousin to babysit, she was 12 at the time. I adored her, she'd play dolls with me, we'd do crafts, she'd put makeup on me, curl my hair, everything a little girl loves to do. I don't know exactly when it started, but my earliest memory was when I was five. She started to molest me, I won't go in to too many details, because you are a teen and because I still can't get myself to say them outloud, even to strangers I'll never see. It started innocently, a touch there, a hug that lasted a bit too long, her touching me and then pretending it was an accident, but it didn't stop there.

Long story short, the sexual abuse went on for quite a while, my parents didn't understand why I cried every time they said they were going out and that my cousin was coming to babysit. After a while she said she was getting to old to babysit and my parents found someone else. I never stopped crying when they left, and I never told them why.

She was family, and I did trust her. She was only 13, in her mind perhaps she was just experimenting, playing around, nothing harmful. That abuse affected me for the rest of my life, still affects me today. If everyone else was doing what she did would it be okay?

I know that to you it's different, you aren't playing around with younger kids, but ultimately it has the same potential to turn into something bad, something ugly, something that will affect you or someone else in a negative way.

To you this is a game, and that's what scares me, because if it's just a game then there aren't any big stakes, and that's when bad things happen.

Like I said before, it's your life, I can talk until I'm blue in the face, but ultimately it's your discission, I'd just hate to see you make the wrong one.

I don't feel any attraction to my friends, and they'd never EVER ask me to do something that I don't want to do, and I them!

Then why are you asking if you are gay or bi? Also, they haven't ever asked you to do something you don't want to, yet.

Just think about it, that's all I can ask.

I'm out. Good luck.

[Princess-IMYM]

Im sorry to hear what happened to you.
I hear these things but I'm even more sorry for this, but I cannot accept what happened to you to have the same result to me.

If my friends get too friendly in a way I don't like, I tell them straight away and forcibly remove myself from them, I talk about anything I don't like, I'm an attention seeker (very bad I know) and would announce to the whole world if anything like that happened to me.

You said I was molested when I was 9, believe it or not, I told my other friends about it a few weeks after it happened, and I wasn't conscious that it was bad until they told me so and I never agreed to it again.
I know I'm a teenager and still young and don't know the difference between what's right to do and what isn't, but I have a rough idea and I am smart enough to do something if I don't like it, I'm not impressionable unless I want to be and can't be forced to do things I don't want to.

I once got angry at my grandma when she patted my bottom and front bit (sometime last year I think) she didn't mean anythign by it, she was doing it like a grandmother to a child while I was walkign up the stairs and she was making a joke about something and I snapped at her and stormed upstairs and she never did it again.

Im mature for my age (im told) and I see these things as innocent because I want them to be, so I can go on enjoying my teenage years without a care, and when I'm older I can be serious about it, I won't do anything stupid, you've actually made me think about it a bit more (amazing!) but I'm not going to stop what I do, but I will look out for things a bit more carefully OK?

I asked if I was bi or gay because I had a conversation with a friend on msn and it made me think and I was a little worried, I completely forgot about it the next day after I posted this!

[Alty]

All I can ask is that you are careful, and know that I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything.

I know that it might be a bit scary to talk to people over the internet that you've never met, but I can honestly say, I wouldn't have a problem with my own kids coming on this site, because I know what kind of people are here, and I know that they'd give good advice to my kids.

As for being bi or gay, that's something only you can figure out, and not something you have to be worried about. If you are then you are, and you'll deal with it when the time comes.

I'm glad I made you think, and I'm glad that you'll be careful, I really am.

Take care, and keep us posted, okay? :)

[Princess-IMYM]

Its not scary at all!

I love talking to strangers! (a bad trait, right?) even off the internet I don't give people a chance to reject me if I want to be their friend!

That's the kind of person I am, I'm care-free I would say, I cut loose the unimportant things like being selfconsious, judgemental and sometimes caring when it isn't needed.

I read my zodiac thing just now, it says that virgo's don't see physical things (such as sex) as important, its only emotions and state of mind that matters, which is how I think a bit.

Tis bad, istn it? Oh well, I'll grow out of it or something!

[Alty]

Princess, I'm a virgo too, so that's no excuse. ;)

I know where you're coming from, I can almost feel what you are going through, because I was not very different than you. I didn't mess around with girls, not my thing, perhaps because I was molested by a girl, but boys, yup, and nothing stopped me.

Like I've said, I learned the hard way, and wish I could have a redo, but you only get one shot sweetie, so be careful, some lessons learned are your last.

As for growing out of it, I'm sure you will. My hope for you is that you never have any regrets.

Just hear my advice whenever you think about doing something risky, hopefully I can be the little angel on yor shoulder steering you in the right direction. :)

[Princess-IMYM]

Nyaha! Is all I say to your virgoness!

I haven't regretted anything I've done before because I've forgotten everything, I didn't remember the thing 7 years ago until a few months back, how weird is that?

And I'd rather not hear anymore voices if I can help it, the last two scared me! (<-- that actually happened!) And I'd also prefere if I didn't see angels on my shoulders as well! :)

[Alty]

You say that you didn't remember the incident that happened 7 years ago, perhaps because you blocked it out. Maybe it did have more of an effect on you than you want to admit, and the things you are doing now could be a direct result of that.

As for the angels on your shoulder, don't knock it, they can be helpful. ;)

Just be a kid, because believe it or not, that's what you are. Enjoy yourself, but be careful too. Don't be in too big a hurry to grow up, there's plenty of time for all that later.

I met my husband when we were both 19, and that was the first relationship I was in where I actually respected the other person and he respected me. He didn't care about the things I could do with or for him, he just wanted me.

So, take things slow, don't go around doing "stuff" with everyone, because sooner or later it will come back to bite you in the a$$. ;)

Go Virgos! :)

[Princess-IMYM]

Yay! Virgo's!

I don't think I blocked it, I just had nothing to remind me of it and I didn't care so I forgot, I don't think this is a result of my past, but a result of my pervert friends and all those rude jokes you see on some websites! :D

I won't do stuff with just anyone, I know that much! My dad would quite literally kill me, and I'm more afraid of him than anything else that could happen to me! (except spiders, those are top)

[Alty]

I love spiders, in fact they are my fav's. You have to really appreciate something that has eight legs but doesn't trip, can make silk come out of it's butt, and drinks blood. Yup, spiders are cool! :)

Have you ever talked to your mom and dad about how you feel, the fact that you're confused about your sexuality? They are the adults in your life, and I'm sure they love you and would do whatever they can to help you.

Being 16 is hard, you aren't really a kid anymore, but you aren't an adult either, you're between.

Remember, we're here if you need to talk, about anything. If you are ever confused, or need a sounding board, we're here. Like I said, I'd have to problems letting my own kids come on this site, because I know the people here are kind, caring people that won't steer you in the wrong direction.

Take care virgo girl, and enjoy your 16th birthday, that's a huge milestone. :)